Having first kid. How to keep my golf game going?

[ballzo]

For me, I found it very easy to get out while the wife and the little one were still sleeping. I would get up at 4:00-4:30am, sneak out quietly and be at the course at first light. This was not an easy change for me as prior I was kinda of a night owl, staying up late and sleeping in til the last minute. I just figured it was the only way I could play or make it the gym so I committed to it. Most of the summer I would do the golf thing, then in the winter I'd switch and head to the gym sometimes. At the course I'd either practice or if there was enough time sometimes I would get in a groove of just playing the back nine and then heading to work. This worked great until the kids start going to school themselves. Then the occasional weekend round too but mostly it was this weekday routine that kept me sharp. I actually got a lot better after having a kid. so....

Edited November 21, 2023 by ballzo
addition

[Chubbs91]

7 hours ago, GoTime said:

2020: 50 rounds posted

2021: 49 rounds posted (1st child born mid-summer)

2022: 66 rounds posted

2023: 69 rounds posted so far

 

If you do it right you should get to play plenty. Some key factors for me-

• Have an awesome partner, and I mean partner, who understands how golf is an important part of your well being.
• During your baby leave, play during the week. You'll be able to player faster.
• When daylight allows, play as many holes as you can shortly before or right after the kid's bedtime.
• Once naps consolidate, get tee times to coincide with the longer of the 2 naps, minimize time she's alone with the kid
• Carve out equal time for and encourage her to get out and away. When I get home from golf, my wife is wheels up for as long as she wants
• Dont wait for or expect her to tell you what to do, or ask her how you can help. Do as much as you can fathom to make her life as easy as possible everyday.
• Don't skip out to play when she's in rough shape, be extra in tune with her mental and emotional well being, be prepared to cancel your games on very short notice. It's going to be an emotional and hormonal roller-coaster and that's normal.
• Above all else, if you aren't working or golfing, 98% of your time/attention/energy should be on making her life easier or otherwise doing exactly what she wants you and/or the family doing.
• It goes by fast and you won't really understand that until you do.

Congrats, it really is the greatest gift in life.

My wife and I are both golfers. We have been planning on what it’s gonna look like but in reality we know it’s gonna be completely different. We are gonna get a walking stroller and play our local muni. Rural Nova Scotia so I can probably get on at the crack of day light. 
 

love the ideas and thanks for the tips.

[david.c.w]

Lots of similar discussion and I posted the chart below in this thread:

 

How frequent do you play golf? - Page 2 - General Golf Talk - GolfWRX

 

Not actual numbers, but here is my path to golf.

 

 

[bcjim]

It's amusing how differently  things go with like the third,  fourth etc kid and how inefficient you'll realize you were with the first.  Especially fathers I think.  

[j.b.newton]

11 hours ago, GoTime said:

2020: 50 rounds posted

2021: 49 rounds posted (1st child born mid-summer)

2022: 66 rounds posted

2023: 69 rounds posted so far

 

If you do it right you should get to play plenty. Some key factors for me-

• Have an awesome partner, and I mean partner, who understands how golf is an important part of your well being.
• During your baby leave, play during the week. You'll be able to player faster.
• When daylight allows, play as many holes as you can shortly before or right after the kid's bedtime.
• Once naps consolidate, get tee times to coincide with the longer of the 2 naps, minimize time she's alone with the kid
• Carve out equal time for and encourage her to get out and away. When I get home from golf, my wife is wheels up for as long as she wants
• Dont wait for or expect her to tell you what to do, or ask her how you can help. Do as much as you can fathom to make her life as easy as possible everyday.
• Don't skip out to play when she's in rough shape, be extra in tune with her mental and emotional well being, be prepared to cancel your games on very short notice. It's going to be an emotional and hormonal roller-coaster and that's normal.
• Above all else, if you aren't working or golfing, 98% of your time/attention/energy should be on making her life easier or otherwise doing exactly what she wants you and/or the family doing.
• It goes by fast and you won't really understand that until you do.

Congrats, it really is the greatest gift in life.

Honest question, not trying to be inflammatory...  Do you schedule time with your wife?  To me, I tried to set a schedule similar to this, but realized fairly quickly that my wife became a partner - not my wife.  It became very transactional of you take the kid here, I'll take the kid there, but we forgot that we were a family.  Once that hit me like a ton of bricks - very quickly, my rounds dropped A LOT, and I went for an hour 2-3x week for range balls.  Like I said, not accusatory - just an honest question of if/how you did and still were able to function without a mainline of crack/caffeine into your jugular.

[jda]

 Make sure that your partner get's their time and you can get yours.  You need some time together too, most likely.  Put their time first and you will be rewarded.

 

When you do play, just swing hard and keep your flexibly and turn.  The rest can come back when you get more time.

 

Clubs can help.  When I was a member locally, there were toddlers in the sand traps late day during the week and after noon on Sundays as the parents played.  They would hack around with their plastic sets.  Sometimes big wheels and bikes on/near the paths.  Everybody was cool.  Even 4-5 holes to wear your kids out at twilight can be really great for everybody.

 

Babies are easy.  Kids who start to do things are much harder.  Things get easier when they start to drive and you only have to show up for events, games, etc and not for practice.

 

There were some years I played more golf on vacation than I did the other times.  Took the family to Atlantis for a week and played 4 times at Ocean Club - they were ready for me to get away in the afternoon after a few days of water parks and ocean.

 

My kids played golf in High School.  They were not good (about 100 in real tournaments) but this was a free pass to go as much as I wanted with them.

[GoTime]

On 11/21/2023 at 9:52 AM, j.b.newton said:

Honest question, not trying to be inflammatory...  Do you schedule time with your wife?  To me, I tried to set a schedule similar to this, but realized fairly quickly that my wife became a partner - not my wife.  It became very transactional of you take the kid here, I'll take the kid there, but we forgot that we were a family.  Once that hit me like a ton of bricks - very quickly, my rounds dropped A LOT, and I went for an hour 2-3x week for range balls.  Like I said, not accusatory - just an honest question of if/how you did and still were able to function without a mainline of crack/caffeine into your jugular.

 

We to try to schedule for just us, but as with any marriage and first born, the transactional feeling - roommate feeling - is just part of the deal. Luckily, golf doesn't really interfere with when we would have 'us time'. Two things that do limit our time together are 1) our primary child care is my MIL who lives near by - so tough to ask her to babysit on a weekend and 2) My wife has a big family, so much of our together/free time is spent with the broader fam.

 

 

 

Edited November 23, 2023 by GoTime

[Chubbs91]

Seems like some people have this figured out.

[dropkicked]

On 11/20/2023 at 10:26 AM, Chubbs91 said:

Looking for peoples insight. Right now as a school teacher I play like 4-5 rounds a week. Having my first kid here this spring. Wondering if anyone has some advice on how to keep the grind going with only being able to get to the course maybe 1 or 2 times a week. 

 

 

Congrats. Fatherhood is the best thing ever... golf means nothing and you will come to realize this. 🙂

 

-If you get to play-forget practice. Show up and enjoy.

-Make sure your wife has her day (or 2) per week(if you're an engaged daddy, watch the baby.. great bonding time)

 

The second one is really important. Congrats again.. great times ahead. 🙂

[ldchristopher]

On 11/20/2023 at 9:26 AM, Chubbs91 said:

Looking for peoples insight. Right now as a school teacher I play like 4-5 rounds a week. Having my first kid here this spring. Wondering if anyone has some advice on how to keep the grind going with only being able to get to the course maybe 1 or 2 times a week. 

 

 

I’m a special ed teacher. I used to play about 100 rounds per year and since my daughter was born in 2019 that number has dropped to 75-80 rounds. You won’t play much the first few months your kid is born. Gotta be around since your wife will be pretty gassed. Maternity leave seems great but newborns are exhausting. Year one I played about 50 rounds. Covid factored as well though. But from years 2-4, either Saturdays or Sundays are usually open for business. You just need to play early. As long as you tee off by 6:00 or 6:30, you can be home by 10:00 AM. As a teacher, you’ll get lots of rounds in during the Summer, especially if you enroll in daycare. 

Edited November 23, 2023 by ldchristopher

[Chubbs91]

5 hours ago, ldchristopher said:

I’m a special ed teacher. I used to play about 100 rounds per year and since my daughter was born in 2019 that number has dropped to 75-80 rounds. You won’t play much the first few months your kid is born. Gotta be around since your wife will be pretty gassed. Maternity leave seems great but newborns are exhausting. Year one I played about 50 rounds. Covid factored as well though. But from years 2-4, either Saturdays or Sundays are usually open for business. You just need to play early. As long as you tee off by 6:00 or 6:30, you can be home by 10:00 AM. As a teacher, you’ll get lots of rounds in during the Summer, especially if you enroll in daycare. 

Thanks for the advice.

[ANimz]

On 11/20/2023 at 10:26 AM, Chubbs91 said:

Looking for peoples insight. Right now as a school teacher I play like 4-5 rounds a week. Having my first kid here this spring. Wondering if anyone has some advice on how to keep the grind going with only being able to get to the course maybe 1 or 2 times a week. 

 

 

Keep the game fun.  Your family is your priority.  I get out once a week, and find things to work on technically.  It takes a lot of flexibility and time management.  A lot of solo rounds unfortunately.

[Chubbs91]

5 minutes ago, ANimz said:

Keep the game fun.  Your family is your priority.  I get out once a week, and find things to work on technically.  It takes a lot of flexibility and time management.  A lot of solo rounds unfortunately.

We bought a cart together this year. So solo rounds at the crack of day light seem like whats my new plan going forward 

[ANimz]

4 minutes ago, Chubbs91 said:

We bought a cart together this year. So solo rounds at the crack of day light seem like whats my new plan going forward 

Early on, I would get out during naps.  Mostly weekdays for quicker rounds.  To Pre-K now, and I try to get out while my son is at school.  I have played around 50 rounds(year round).  But I also work 12's.  So work days I can't get out there.  But only work half the month too.  I would bet that half my rounds have been solo.  

[Chubbs91]

My father and her father are both retired so they better get ready for early morning rounds. 

 

[Chubbs91]

But again we will see how Momma is making out first. I doubt Ill play much which will be fine. Ill become that scratch diaper changer before I become a scratch golfer

[CLEVELAND59]

Before the birth of my son, now almost 18 years ago, I was a +2,practiced and/or played 6 days a week, played tournament golf extensively and had begun to have some success in various USGA events.  When he was an infant, while I practiced slightly less, it was somewhat manageable, and I was able to maintain right around scratch and still managed to be reasonably competitive when I played tournament golf.  However once he reached the toddler stage and beyond, the practice time started to really dry up.  Eventually he started to get into various sports like baseball and soccer and as he progressed in those, the dynamic changed.  I went from playing 6 days a week to 6 times a month and really not practicing at all.  Tournament golf wasn't even close to a realistic option, and my handicap steadily grew and I found myself eventually just giving up essentially for a period of time.  Now that he's older, has a car and his license and his own social circle, and hanging out with Dad isn't as fun or necessary as it once was, I've started to practice and play considerably more and I'm back down to a 3 and when he's off to college next fall I'm hoping to fill the time I'll find on my hands with him not home and not having is high school sports and school events to attend, to dedicate to getting back to tournament level golf.  

[RoscoeCoaltrain]

Family comes first my man.  Later in life you find your golf game is very meaningless in the big picture.

[doublepar93]

Had my first child a little over a month ago and haven’t played since before he was born. My priorities changed so much, so fast. You may find that golf is far less important to you. I’m playing 9 tomorrow with family in town for the holiday and am glad that I’m only playing on special occasions now. 

[mantan]

Lots of good advice in this thread. To be honest, I was still able to get golf in after our first child was born. As others have said, it's about communication and seeing it as a partnership.  And not giving them a reason to resent golf.

 

 If you have multiple kids - you'll look back and laugh about how you felt that first one turned your life upside down.  Then that second one hits and you're playing man to man defense...and if you have more, it's all zone d.

 

 

The biggest impact to my golf time actually came when they got older.  Sports and activities ate up a ton of time. Weekends were suddenly about the logistics around games and travel and I had to get creative with working in time for golf.  Early morning weekday rounds and taking a few hours off was a way to get it in.

 

But as people say, the days are long but the years are short.  We blinked and my youngest one was in HS (now a senior in college)  Once they suddenly they are driving and their social lives don't include mom/dad, you'll suddenly have more golf time that you know what to do with. But if you're like me, you'll be glad you spent all that time you could with them when you had a chance.  

 

 

 

[bladehunter]

On 11/21/2023 at 9:06 AM, david.c.w said:

Lots of similar discussion and I posted the chart below in this thread:

 

How frequent do you play golf? - Page 2 - General Golf Talk - GolfWRX

 

Not actual numbers, but here is my path to golf.

 

 

It’s funny. My graph is opposite. I played a ton whne he was in daycare and grammar school.  Now I’m down to nothing as a teen.  Covid took all the play away.  Course too crowded.  Looks like you’re one of the ones crowding the course instead of working !  Go back to work !😂 

[david.c.w]

17 minutes ago, bladehunter said:

It’s funny. My graph is opposite. I played a ton whne he was in daycare and grammar school.  Now I’m down to nothing as a teen.  Covid took all the play away.  Course too crowded.  Looks like you’re one of the ones crowding the course instead of working !  Go back to work !😂 

 

You are not wrong.

[BHI 99]

Put your wife and child first and you’ll play more golf than you deserve. 

[SC-TX 88]

My son (our first) just turned 8 months old. Including this past holiday weekend I’ve played 4 times in 2023 now. I still go see my coach every 2 weeks but really that’s just an expensive range session at this point. Like others have said, once that little one is born golf doesn’t matter.  I love the game and wish I was out there more, but I won’t get this first year back with him. I even changed careers from working 100+ hour weeks as an investment banker so that I can be around more when he’s young.  Watching them grow and learn is so special. 

[st1800e]

I hope this doesn’t come off the wrong way.  Not intending to be a smart Word not allowed.  

Have you thought about “why” you need to keep your golf game going?  

[Mrgreen36]

Find a decent sized closet, if you have a dog that likes the kid, put it in there as well. Toss in a few favorite toys, shallow dish of water (don't want kid to drown or dog to go thirsty) and a small bowl of dog food. 

 

Good for at least 3 hours. 

[dropkicked]

14 hours ago, SC-TX 88 said:

My son (our first) just turned 8 months old. Including this past holiday weekend I’ve played 4 times in 2023 now. I still go see my coach every 2 weeks but really that’s just an expensive range session at this point. Like others have said, once that little one is born golf doesn’t matter.  I love the game and wish I was out there more, but I won’t get this first year back with him. I even changed careers from working 100+ hour weeks as an investment banker so that I can be around more when he’s young.  Watching them grow and learn is so special. 

This person nailed it...truly the best part of life....  Lot's of time for golf after those first 5 years.

[bazinky]

After my daughter was born, I didn't play much but I was still able to practice a good bit due to the fact that I had several options very close to the house (couple of public courses and my home club) that I could sneak out to when the wife and daughter was sleeping.  Once she got a little older and the wife was less stressed, playing early worked well since my daughter was not an early riser and I would often be back shortly after she woke up to spend time with her and the wife. 

 

I think most spouses are understanding of the need for some "me" time to recharge your batteries and help you keep your sanity. You just need to make sure that she gets at least as much (more if you're smart) for herself. The guys I know that had relationship issues from golf were mainly the ones that expected to play and be gone from the house for 7-8 hours like all their single buddies. A few tips that kept my wife happy:

• I took care of all night duties that didn't involve breast feeding no matter how early I was going to play. My wife is a naturally early riser, so she was fine with me being gone when the baby woke up as long as she was able to get some sleep the night before.
• Build up as much currency as possible. Do the grocery shopping, picking up dry-cleaning, running errands, arranging for massages, and generally anything you can think of to make life easier for her.
• Make sure she feels appreciated for herself, and not just the mother of a child. Carve out some time for just you and her once the baby is bit older if you have enough support. We were fortunate to have family in the area. 

[RoyalMustang]

Really, it won't be too much different than someone who has a big job or travels a lot for work. 

 

Make time when you can. I have a park where I can hit up to 120 yard shots; I walk there and it's 5 minutes from my house. It's a great way to slip away for 45 minutes and keep a club in my hand. 

 

Another idea is a putting matt like a Wellput. Just keep that familiarity with a putter in your hand: work on refining your stroke. 

 

If you want to improve your game overall, work on your body at home. Flexibility, motor control, hand-eye coordination, strength. Get with a TPI certified medical professional and improve your body's ability to deliver a club to the ball consistently. 

 

I'd shy away from all-day, hanging with the guys 8-hour golf and drinking marathons. Try to get in 9 holes here and there. Make sure your significant other has their time as well.  

[RoyalMustang]

40 minutes ago, bazinky said:

The guys I know that had relationship issues from golf were mainly the ones that expected to play and be gone from the house for 7-8 hours like all their single buddies. A few tips that kept my wife happy:

 

I wasn't a golfer but was a pro cyclist when my son was born. It really pissed me off that our Saturday long group ride of local elites met at 10am. Typically we were doing 95-110 mile loops, which is a good 4.5 to 5 hours. That basically leaves me out for the bulk of the day. 

 

I got a few guys together who had families and we would leave at 7am on Saturday so that we could be home by noon.