Most ridiculous thing heard on the range

[daftmunkee]

I was standing on the range one day, fizzing a few wedges out there, when a man walks up to the woman hitting balls beside me and starts a conversation. After a bit, he started telling her a few "tips," and that if she would like a lesson, she should give him a call, as he was the assistant pro at this golf course. I laughed out loud. He looked over at me and snarled "WHAT?" I said "I highly doubt that you are the assistant pro here. That would be me." He turned red, she took her number back, and he walked away in shame to his car.

[Forty]

Funniest thing I've ever heard on a range...

I was playing US Open Sectional Qualifying at Old Oaks CC in NY and there were 30 guys warming up. Dead silence except for the sound of balls being hit. Every stall was taken. All of a sudden I hear someone approaching, whistling. I look over and it's Fuzzy Zoeller. He stops right behind me and watches me and the guy next to me hit a shot or two. He then looks at his caddy and says, "look at these flat bellies hit the ball." I smile nervously and no one makes a noise, not even a chuckle. He then looks around and says, "Do you hear that (caddie's name)? There's only two things that make this much noise... graveyards and Open qualifiers." He then takes the spot right behind me, grabs a sand wedge and hits 5 pitch shots, puts the wedge back, grabs his driver, hits one drive, puts that back in the bag and says to his caddie, "Not gonna learn anything new today," and walks off. He warmed up for maybe 1 minute and that might be a stretch.

So I finish my warm up and on the way from the range to the practice green I run into a friend and I tell him what I just witnessed. My friend then says, "Wait til you see what he's doing on the putting green." So I walk over to the putting green and everyone is grinding out their practice routine and Fuzzy is standing just off the green whistling and clipping his fingernails. He then says, "Boy these greens sure look fast", and heads to the 1st tee and hits a perfect tee shot down the middle.

Guess being a former champion takes the intensity out of a qualifier.

[daftmunkee]

[quote name='Forty' timestamp='1394557523' post='8848203']
Funniest thing I've ever heard on a range...

I was playing US Open Sectional Qualifying at Old Oaks CC in NY and there were 30 guys warming up. Dead silence except for the sound of balls being hit. Every stall was taken. All of a sudden I hear someone approaching, whistling. I look over and it's Fuzzy Zoeller. He stops right behind me and watches me and the guy next to me hit a shot or two. He then looks at his caddy and says, "look at these flat bellies hit the ball." I smile nervously and no one makes a noise, not even a chuckle. He then looks around and says, "Do you hear that (caddie's name)? There's only two things that make this much noise... graveyards and Open qualifiers." He then takes the spot right behind me, grabs a sand wedge and hits 5 pitch shots, puts the wedge back, grabs his driver, hits one drive, puts that back in the bag and says to his caddie, "Not gonna learn anything new today," and walks off. He warmed up for maybe 1 minute and that might be a stretch.

So I finish my warm up and on the way from the range to the practice green I run into a friend and I tell him what I just witnessed. My friend then says, "Wait til you see what he's doing on the putting green." So I walk over to the putting green and everyone is grinding out their practice routine and Fuzzy is standing just off the green whistling and clipping his fingernails. He then says, "Boy these greens sure look fast", and heads to the 1st tee and hits a perfect tee shot down the middle.

Guess being a former champion takes the intensity out of a qualifier.
[/quote]

That's a good story

[Koalafied]

I was at the golf dome tonight and puring nearly all of my shots and I'm feeling real good about my swing. Then the guy next to me tells me "hey you need to slow your lower body down big time" I tell him thanks for the tip but my move seems to be working for me. He goes on to explain how "this is his profession and what he does for a living, he knows what he's talking about"
I know my move is less than modern-conventional but seriously I can't stand driving range pros who think they know what everyone else is doing wrong while they're topping every three shots with his janky stack and tilt swing.

[bwrichmond]

[quote name='Koalafied' timestamp='1394601079' post='8853517']
I was at the golf dome tonight and puring nearly all of my shots and I'm feeling real good about my swing. Then the guy next to me tells me "hey you need to slow your lower body down big time" I tell him thanks for the tip but my move seems to be working for me. He goes on to explain how "this is his profession and what he does for a living, he knows what he's talking about"
I know my move is less than modern-conventional but seriously I can't stand driving range pros who think they know what everyone else is doing wrong while they're topping every three shots with his janky stack and tilt swing.
[/quote]

Another reason I love wearing earbuds at the range, even if nothing is playing through them. Just ignore the guy and pretend like you can't hear him.

[rsj1360]

[quote name='Koalafied' timestamp='1394601079' post='8853517']
I was at the golf dome tonight and puring nearly all of my shots and I'm feeling real good about my swing. Then the guy next to me tells me "hey you need to slow your lower body down big time" I tell him thanks for the tip but my move seems to be working for me. He goes on to explain how "this is his profession and what he does for a living, he knows what he's talking about"
I know my move is less than modern-conventional but seriously I can't stand driving range pros who think they know what everyone else is doing wrong while they're topping every three shots with his janky stack and tilt swing.
[/quote]
Well I just learned a new word: [color=#282828][size=3][background=rgb(247, 247, 247)]janky [/background][/size][/color]

[tatertot]

[quote name='Koalafied' timestamp='1394601079' post='8853517']
I was at the golf dome tonight and puring nearly all of my shots and I'm feeling real good about my swing. Then the guy next to me tells me "hey you need to slow your lower body down big time" I tell him thanks for the tip but my move seems to be working for me. He goes on to explain how "this is his profession and what he does for a living, he knows what he's talking about"
I know my move is less than modern-conventional but seriously I can't stand driving range pros who think they know what everyone else is doing wrong while they're topping every three shots with his janky stack and tilt swing.
[/quote]

Don't know which is funnier ... "puring" all your shots or saying "my move seems to be working for me."

[Loopin for the Lama]

[quote name='tatertot' timestamp='1394645340' post='8856371']
[quote name='Koalafied' timestamp='1394601079' post='8853517']
I was at the golf dome tonight and puring nearly all of my shots and I'm feeling real good about my swing. Then the guy next to me tells me "hey you need to slow your lower body down big time" I tell him thanks for the tip but my move seems to be working for me. He goes on to explain how "this is his profession and what he does for a living, he knows what he's talking about"
I know my move is less than modern-conventional but seriously I can't stand driving range pros who think they know what everyone else is doing wrong while they're topping every three shots with his janky stack and tilt swing.
[/quote]

Don't know which is funnier ... "puring" all your shots or saying "my move seems to be working for me."
[/quote]

Only thing funnier would be to say that in the third person...."Jimmy's move seems to be working for Jimmy"

[Cuja444]

My buddy was on his way to a tournament with a guy he worked with. The guy asked him to stop at the driving range that was on the way. He didnt mind warming up so he said no problem. The guy bought a small bucket hit a few shots then proceeded to dump the rest of the balls in his bag as he didnt have any balls for the day. Towards the end of the round i see my buddy and theres only 3 of them in there group and i ask where the guy that stole the balls went. "he crapped himself and had to go home to change his clothes" was the answer to my question......... as you can assume this wasnt a serious tournament. just a charity event drunkfest.

[MaydayGSXR]

[quote name='Cuja444' timestamp='1394651355' post='8857051']
My buddy was on his way to a tournament with a guy he worked with. The guy asked him to stop at the driving range that was on the way. He didnt mind warming up so he said no problem. The guy bought a small bucket hit a few shots then proceeded to dump the rest of the balls in his bag as he didnt have any balls for the day. Towards the end of the round i see my buddy and theres only 3 of them in there group and i ask where the guy that stole the balls went. "he crapped himself and had to go home to change his clothes" was the answer to my question......... as you can assume this wasnt a serious tournament. just a charity event drunkfest.
[/quote]

That story was all over the place, haha, didn't see that coming...

[ShutSteepStuck]

[quote name='MaydayGSXR' timestamp='1394683380' post='8860693']
[quote name='Cuja444' timestamp='1394651355' post='8857051']
My buddy was on his way to a tournament with a guy he worked with. The guy asked him to stop at the driving range that was on the way. He didnt mind warming up so he said no problem. The guy bought a small bucket hit a few shots then proceeded to dump the rest of the balls in his bag as he didnt have any balls for the day. Towards the end of the round i see my buddy and theres only 3 of them in there group and i ask where the guy that stole the balls went. "he crapped himself and had to go home to change his clothes" was the answer to my question......... as you can assume this wasnt a serious tournament. just a charity event drunkfest.
[/quote]

That story was all over the place, haha, didn't see that coming...
[/quote]

LOL! That was quite the story! I don't think I would loan that guy my car, especially considering the circumstances.

[Cuja444]

[quote name='MaydayGSXR' timestamp='1394683380' post='8860693']
[quote name='Cuja444' timestamp='1394651355' post='8857051']
My buddy was on his way to a tournament with a guy he worked with. The guy asked him to stop at the driving range that was on the way. He didnt mind warming up so he said no problem. The guy bought a small bucket hit a few shots then proceeded to dump the rest of the balls in his bag as he didnt have any balls for the day. Towards the end of the round i see my buddy and theres only 3 of them in there group and i ask where the guy that stole the balls went. "he crapped himself and had to go home to change his clothes" was the answer to my question......... as you can assume this wasnt a serious tournament. just a charity event drunkfest.
[/quote]

That story was all over the place, haha, didn't see that coming...
[/quote] sorry, i wasnt quite sure how i wanted to tell the story but i know everytime i think about that day i cant stop laughing out loud....

[sigmapete1]

[quote name='Cuja444' timestamp='1394651355' post='8857051']
My buddy was on his way to a tournament with a guy he worked with. The guy asked him to stop at the driving range that was on the way. He didnt mind warming up so he said no problem. The guy bought a small bucket hit a few shots then proceeded to dump the rest of the balls in his bag as he didnt have any balls for the day. Towards the end of the round i see my buddy and theres only 3 of them in there group and i ask where the guy that stole the balls went. "he crapped himself and had to go home to change his clothes" was the answer to my question......... as you can assume this wasnt a serious tournament. just a charity event drunkfest.
[/quote]

Well, that escalated quickly.

Good surprise ending!

[Anser]

[quote name='pochen23' timestamp='1391063892' post='8563452']
[quote name='JimNewton' timestamp='1379825532' post='7891855']
Last year I'm walking up to pay for my bucket, and there's this youngster there with dad watching him. He is topping and just missing everything. Dad says, "No, no .. remember that spine angle we talked about." Meanwhile .. the kid is holding the club CROSS HANDED the entire time. For a split second I started to open my mouth .. err.. nope ..
[/quote]

Actually if you read Harvey Penick's book, you are "supposed" to let the kids do whatever feels the most natural to them, and most often that is cross handed due to our natural tendency of trying to keep the left hand straight at impact and holding a club cross handed promotes that tendency. The only disadvantage of cross handed is that you lose distance, and his view on that is that the kid will grow up and want to hit further and eventually switch over naturally. But the kid will have all the great fundamental and short game from the cross handed swing. I noted that part of the book particularly because my daughter swings that way when she first picked up the club (age of 4), and I tried so hard to get her to switch to the right way and that really make her not wanting to practice. If only I have read the book sooner I would not have tried to correct her, and perhaps she will like golf more.

Just saying that is really not that crazy.
[/quote]

I was a lefty that started at 8 years old with some garage sale womens clubs and cross handed felt like the only way to grip the club. I played like that til I was 13 and starting to get fairly serious about it. An older guy I knew was a good player told me that I'd never hit it much farther if I didn't change so I spent that summer changing it. I did pick up distance almost right away but man could I hit it straight crosshanded. The club never really opened or closed so my flat spot was pretty generous.

Glad I switched and now I think I'd blow out an elbow trying it lol.

[billyhandsomeface]

I went to a range one time and there was an Adams rep doing a demo day. I wanted to try the new driver they had so I went over there and asked if I could hit a driver and he said yeah. So I tee it up and am about to hit the ball and he says, "woah, woah, woah, don't hit that ball! These are pieces of s&^t!" He then breaks out this box of balls that he "handpicked" out of the bin. I asked him what the deal was and he said that a bunch of people had hit worn out balls with no dimples and were blaming the clubs!!! It's a self serve range and yeah, some of the balls have seen better days. This guy was hilariously dramatic. Good club though.

[Anser]

I've told this story (I think) but The BMW Championship was here in Indy at Crooked Stick a few years ago.

A friend of mine and I go to the 2nd round and our first stop was the range. Bubba was warming up on the far right side and we watched him work through a good chunk of his routine. Ben Crane comes over and them being friends they start yucking up a bit and as Crane gets ready to leave Bubba says "hey wait a minute let me hit that crane for ya". There was a crane holding up a net about 270 out to keep them from flying through the range.

Bubba grabs the Pink driver that starts off screaming low then starts to cut a bit and plonks the crane about 100 feet off the ground. He and Ben went crazy and those few of us on that side start whooping it up as well.

I'm sure this sounds like a tall tale but it happened.

Those guys are good!

[Lancejoker]

Heard this Saturday on the putting green.

Guy 1-"I really need to get me a Superstroke"
Guy 2-"You REALLY need to get a putting stroke"

I'm sure it's been said before but it gave me a good laugh.

[tdelam]

[quote name='dnong' timestamp='1394555434' post='8847949']
[quote name='tdelam' timestamp='1394163843' post='8816631']
[quote name='3 Jack Par' timestamp='1394153834' post='8815263']
[quote name='tdelam' timestamp='1394132068' post='8812627']
I am a lefty golfer. There were 11 of us at the range one afternoon. It was a normal day at the range when some crazy guy started to yell something. I could barely hear him but he said "Wow, this is crazy, 11 of us here and not one single right handed golfer; ALL LEFTY'S!!!"... we looked around and it was true! We were all left handed golfers. We laughed
[/quote]
I definitely see a lot more lefties in Canada (because so many of you grew up playing hockey that way) but that is pretty impressive!
[/quote]

Yea. I played hockey since I was 3 and started competitive when I was 5 and still play. Funny thing is everything else I do is right-handed. I used to play fastball and I was the pitcher, I threw fastball with my right hand and swung the bat left hand. I right with my right hand. I love being a lefty though, it saves me some money too. I have been to the right handed BST and it's a dangerous place for a club ho, lol
[/quote]

you "right with your right hand", so do you left with your left hand? haha.
[/quote]

I meant write, of course

[knock it close]

[quote name='tdelam' timestamp='1395077983' post='8890663']
[quote name='dnong' timestamp='1394555434' post='8847949']
[quote name='tdelam' timestamp='1394163843' post='8816631']
[quote name='3 Jack Par' timestamp='1394153834' post='8815263']
[quote name='tdelam' timestamp='1394132068' post='8812627']
I am a lefty golfer. There were 11 of us at the range one afternoon. It was a normal day at the range when some crazy guy started to yell something. I could barely hear him but he said "Wow, this is crazy, 11 of us here and not one single right handed golfer; ALL LEFTY'S!!!"... we looked around and it was true! We were all left handed golfers. We laughed
[/quote]
I definitely see a lot more lefties in Canada (because so many of you grew up playing hockey that way) but that is pretty impressive!
[/quote]

Yea. I played hockey since I was 3 and started competitive when I was 5 and still play. Funny thing is everything else I do is right-handed. I used to play fastball and I was the pitcher, I threw fastball with my right hand and swung the bat left hand. I right with my right hand. I love being a lefty though, it saves me some money too. I have been to the right handed BST and it's a dangerous place for a club ho, lol
[/quote]

you "right with your right hand", so do you left with your left hand? haha.
[/quote]

I meant write, of course
[/quote] Thats me too Swing left, shoot left, batt left, kick left
Throw right, write right, play tennis right, also right eye dominant.

[Krt22]

[quote name='Cuja444' timestamp='1394651355' post='8857051']
My buddy was on his way to a tournament with a guy he worked with. The guy asked him to stop at the driving range that was on the way. He didnt mind warming up so he said no problem. The guy bought a small bucket hit a few shots then proceeded to dump the rest of the balls in his bag as he didnt have any balls for the day. Towards the end of the round i see my buddy and theres only 3 of them in there group and i ask where the guy that stole the balls went. "he crapped himself and had to go home to change his clothes" was the answer to my question......... as you can assume this wasnt a serious tournament. just a charity event drunkfest.
[/quote]

Saw a pair of old boxer briefs right next to the porto potty on the course yesterday....wasnt sure if they were covered in mud or something else....

[mattswanson49]

Heard a short but sweet one last night as I was walking off the range.

Scenario: Older guy observing two other guys hitting balls. "You're close, There is hardly any difference between a good swing and a bad swing."

[Ghost_Orchid]

[quote name='daftmunkee' timestamp='1394557309' post='8848185']
I was standing on the range one day, fizzing a few wedges out there, when a man walks up to the woman hitting balls beside me and starts a conversation. After a bit, he started telling her a few "tips," and that if she would like a lesson, she should give him a call, as he was the assistant pro at this golf course. I laughed out loud. He looked over at me and snarled "WHAT?" I said "I highly doubt that you are the assistant pro here. That would be me." He turned red, she took her number back, and he walked away in shame to his car.
[/quote]

Rock blocker.

Lol

[sigmapete1]

[quote name='Ghost_Orchid' timestamp='1395159811' post='8897407']
[quote name='daftmunkee' timestamp='1394557309' post='8848185']
I was standing on the range one day, fizzing a few wedges out there, when a man walks up to the woman hitting balls beside me and starts a conversation. After a bit, he started telling her a few "tips," and that if she would like a lesson, she should give him a call, as he was the assistant pro at this golf course. I laughed out loud. He looked over at me and snarled "WHAT?" I said "I highly doubt that you are the assistant pro here. That would be me." He turned red, she took her number back, and he walked away in shame to his car.
[/quote]

Rock blocker.

Lol
[/quote]

So did you you end up with the girl though?

[PapaJohick]

[quote name='mattswanson49' timestamp='1395157107' post='8897095']
Heard a short but sweet one last night as I was walking off the range.

Scenario: Older guy observing two other guys hitting balls. "You're close, There is hardly any difference between a good swing and a bad swing."
[/quote]

haha that's funny right there. Going to have to use that when I'm with my friends

[HackerVance]

Some chubby guy in a red shirt said that he is one of the five best players in the world.

[scotto69]

Guy actually messed himself on the course? Yikes, talk about getting sloppy.

I've heard someone say "they gambled, and they lost" about that happening when trying to get rid of some gas.

[Forty]

Worst thing I've seen on a range...

I was playing in a junior golf tournament over 20 years ago at the age of 16. It was in the summer at PGA West in La Quinta and about 110* F outside. After the round I went to the range to hit a few balls. It was just myself and one other kid, who was 12 at the time, and his dad. His dad was a notoriously horrible person, having broken a trophy of a girl that beat his 14 year old daughter once.

I was about five stalls away, close enough to hear what they were saying. Here is what transpired...


Dad - "That was terrible! You play like monkey today. You hit balls!"

Kid hits balls for 15 minutes straight. The whole time dad was saying, "No! Terrible!" and other nasty things. After a few more minutes..

Kid says sheepishly - "Dad, I'm thirsty."

Dad - "Oh, you thirsty?"

Dad walks over to water jug, fills a cup of water, walks back to the kid and literally splashed the kid in the face with a cup of water.

Dad - "There. Drink that."

I left the range within a minute of that and told the tournament director and the dad was banned from junior events from that point on. In hindsight, or if I had a time machine, I wish I could go back, walk up to the dad and knock him the f out. Being a minor, there wouldn't have been quite the consequences there would be as an adult. I've never seen a worse display of parenting in sports to this day. The guy was a monster.

[BillyZ2]

[quote name='Forty' timestamp='1395323527' post='8910371']
Worst thing I've seen on a range...

I was playing in a junior golf tournament over 20 years ago at the age of 16. It was in the summer at PGA West in La Quinta and about 110* F outside. After the round I went to the range to hit a few balls. It was just myself and one other kid, who was 12 at the time, and his dad. His dad was a notoriously horrible person, having broken a trophy of a girl that beat his 14 year old daughter once.

I was about five stalls away, close enough to hear what they were saying. Here is what transpired...


Dad - "That was terrible! You play like monkey today. You hit balls!"

Kid hits balls for 15 minutes straight. The whole time dad was saying, "No! Terrible!" and other nasty things. After a few more minutes..

Kid says sheepishly - "Dad, I'm thirsty."

Dad - "Oh, you thirsty?"

Dad walks over to water jug, fills a cup of water, walks back to the kid and literally splashed the kid in the face with a cup of water.

Dad - "There. Drink that."

I left the range within a minute of that and told the tournament director and the dad was banned from junior events from that point on. In hindsight, or if I had a time machine, I wish I could go back, walk up to the dad and knock him the f out. Being a minor, there wouldn't have been quite the consequences there would be as an adult. I've never seen a worse display of parenting in sports to this day. The guy was a monster.
[/quote]If you ever get the 'time machine' going, give the AH a 3 iron to the balls for me!

[shakey]

[quote name='Forty' timestamp='1395323527' post='8910371']
Worst thing I've seen on a range...

I was playing in a junior golf tournament over 20 years ago at the age of 16. It was in the summer at PGA West in La Quinta and about 110* F outside. After the round I went to the range to hit a few balls. It was just myself and one other kid, who was 12 at the time, and his dad. His dad was a notoriously horrible person, having broken a trophy of a girl that beat his 14 year old daughter once.

I was about five stalls away, close enough to hear what they were saying. Here is what transpired...


Dad - "That was terrible! You play like monkey today. You hit balls!"

Kid hits balls for 15 minutes straight. The whole time dad was saying, "No! Terrible!" and other nasty things. After a few more minutes..

Kid says sheepishly - "Dad, I'm thirsty."

Dad - "Oh, you thirsty?"

Dad walks over to water jug, fills a cup of water, walks back to the kid and literally splashed the kid in the face with a cup of water.

Dad - "There. Drink that."

I left the range within a minute of that and told the tournament director and the dad was banned from junior events from that point on. In hindsight, or if I had a time machine, I wish I could go back, walk up to the dad and knock him the f out. Being a minor, there wouldn't have been quite the consequences there would be as an adult. I've never seen a worse display of parenting in sports to this day. The guy was a monster.
[/quote]
If I were to ever treat my son like that, I'd hope that someone would kick my a$$.

[daftmunkee]

[quote name='sigmapete1' timestamp='1395161626' post='8897659']
[quote name='Ghost_Orchid' timestamp='1395159811' post='8897407']
[quote name='daftmunkee' timestamp='1394557309' post='8848185']
I was standing on the range one day, fizzing a few wedges out there, when a man walks up to the woman hitting balls beside me and starts a conversation. After a bit, he started telling her a few "tips," and that if she would like a lesson, she should give him a call, as he was the assistant pro at this golf course. I laughed out loud. He looked over at me and snarled "WHAT?" I said "I highly doubt that you are the assistant pro here. That would be me." He turned red, she took her number back, and he walked away in shame to his car.
[/quote]

Rock blocker.

Lol
[/quote]

So did you you end up with the girl though?
[/quote]

She ended up getting lessons from another pro at our course. She was old; I said I was booked up haha