Baby in daycare to golf...

[jholz]

As others have said, I think this is really an issue of balance. If you are already playing both days on the weekend or something, I would say it is probably better to stay at home with the kid. I generally only get to play one day a week (Saturday) and have the option of playing on Fridays if I take my daughter to daycare. Every Friday I think, "yeah this is the Friday I am going to take her to daycare and play 36 holes." Then I feed her breakfast and look at her for awhile and I just can't do it. She is too cute. Staying home with her that one day a week has made all the difference in our relationship. Don't miss out on the opportunity to spend time with your kids.

[gambit]

[quote name='bhj83' timestamp='1393343324' post='8741564']
[quote name='SheriffBooth' timestamp='1393342821' post='8741498']
I wouldn't feel too badly about it. Not to say it's not important to spend time with your child and family, but assuming you're doing that nights and weekends I can't see much harm in using your Monday off for a little golf. Be mindful that your wife will need/want her own free time too, most likely on the weekends, so maybe that's the fair trade?
[/quote]

Yep, nights and weekends for sure. I also encourage my wife to have some time to herself all of the time and even try to make her plan stuff haha. She's one of those people that doesn't really have a hobby that she's passionate about so that can be difficult at times.
[/quote]

I don't see the problem. I have the benefit of in-laws to watch my kids, and the unbenefit of them living with us (FML). But as long as you trust the daycare then it's OK I think. Making sure your wife has time to herself is important. Me and the wife struggled with that in the beginning because she didn't have a hobby either. I told her I need me time and she should have her time and that I'll watch the kids while she does whatever she wants. The other trade off here is that maybe you miss something...like when the baby first rolls over, or says dada, or starts to crawl. Not that you won't see it, you just might not see it first.

[SixtySomePing]

[quote name='blink3665' timestamp='1393343412' post='8741580']
I am/was in the exact same situation. I always felt a twinge of guilt when I would do it. I still do. This answer will differ from person to peron, and family to family. You mention that you feel guilty doing it. I think that just shows how much you love your son. However, you need some 'me' time. As SheriffBooth mentioned, you wil want to make sure that your wife is allowed the same 'me time' as well. If you take 4-5 hours for yourself once every two weeks it's not like you are leaving him every day.

Take advantage of it while you can. It has gotten increasingly harder for me to have time to play golf as my son has hit the toddler age (3). He now knows when I am going to play golf because of what I wear. He will beg and plead for me to stay at home and play with him. I normally end up staying home and playing with him because I get wrecked with guilt if I still go after that. The round loses it's fun and appeal. I still fit golf in, I just have to be more creative about when it happens.

It sounds like you have thought about this alot. That is a great first step. Playing golf occasionally will not warp his childhood. If you are thinking about it this much, you are bound to make the best decision for your family.
[/quote]

This is excellent Blink. I think bhj83 really cares, and that's the reason for the guilty feeling.

Ok, so let me give you another perspective. I'm going to be 63 in a few weeks. My dear wife and I have been married for 40 years with 3 fabulous kids, the youngest of which is 29, the oldest 38. So when they were all born starting in '76, I played golf too, and had the same feelings. But I guarantee you that the concern that you have shows that you have a heart for him, and one day he will be walking the fairways beside you playing the game that you both love. In the mean time, make sure that your wife gets the 'me time' she needs, and the attention from you as well, because being a mother, and especially one that is working, is not easy either. I think you are starting out right by being concerned, but life goes on, and some day when you are empty nesters like my dear wife and me, hopefully you will be able to still enjoy time with your kids (plural) and know that your decisions were not just made for the moment, but for the long run, and for the good of everyone, your wife, your kids, and yes- you! So don't feel guilty, enjoy life, and enjoy your family!

[Soloman1]

Your child will probably drop you off at the senior day care place when you're old to do something, if they even see you at all. Most people don't put half the effort to take care of their parents when they get older as the parents did to take care of them when they were helpless children.

Life is short; play golf.

[kaniSS]

You need time to yourself as well, or you will fall into a depressive state as I did. Don't feel guilty about it.
I do it all the time with my kids when I have a random day off work, but I also do days where I piss off golf and spend the time with them.

[pkwilli1999]

Take him with! Never too soon.

[TeeJ12]

My buddy does the same thing with his daughter. You have to have a little "me" time just to stay sane.

[SatelliteGuy]

I did it when the little guy was young, now I take him.

ZERO guilt.

[MadGolfer76]

[quote name='jabrch' timestamp='1393361594' post='8743680']
[quote name='np78' timestamp='1393343091' post='8741526']
I have a nanny watch my kids on Saturday mid morning so I can play. Otherwise I'd lose my mind.
[/quote]

Me too...Sat she comes at 12:30 - I am on the first tee by 1:15.
[/quote]

Ah...I see you went with option B - NON-nordic, blonde nanny. Less fun, but certainly more cost effective, and more time for golf too.

[BRIDGESTONE1]

Adding this thread to my IE favorites as I will need a reference a few years from now. If it's the same price, play golf. Pick up some groceries on the way home to appease the lady.

[snookybusby]

My son is 3 years old and my best friend. He is awesome! I had him on a 21 foot fishing boat 20 miles off the coast at only 6 weeks old! <--(obligatory brag as a dad...couldn't help it!) I take him out on the boat every single night when I get home from work now and love to take him to the range each week. But I learned a while back that part of being the best dad I could be is making sure that I get some time to myself which makes the time with one another more special! I also think that is really important for my wife. She needs her alone time too. Or just time to work on her hobbies. So I wouldn't feel bad at all! Besides, before you know it he won't let you go without him! In fact moderation is excellent in a lot of ways.
For instance, when I tried taking my son out at 2 years old to hit golf balls, he liked it for about 3 minutes. lol. Then he didn't want to do it. The next day I thought he might want to do it again. Instead he just wanted to watch daddy do it. So, after that I didn't take him to do it a while but showed him the club, or the ball separately. He kept asking me to "hit ball?" But I would say "we will go on Saturday". It's not like he understood, except for that we would do it later. So when we did go and hit balls he was really interested in doing it because he was the one that had initiated it and been asking for it. It is good to build interest by not always giving it to them. So I digress. My point being that you are wanting to hang out with your son for your benefit and his. Well, as much as you want to spend time with him and he you, it is important that you get time for your hobbies, and he gets that social interaction with other kids at daycare which helps in so many different ways. So enjoy golf thinking about how fun it is gonna be to hang out with your little buddy afterwards!

[BlitzIS]

I'm in the same situation also. We have a 20 month old and a 3 year old. It's been a challenge to say the least to be able to golf. Life is challenging to balance work and play. It's even more of a challenge when my wife and I work together 6 days a week running 3 optometric practices. We both come from families who have been working all their lives and we often hear that if your still young and strong, work as much as you can so you can retire early. So the amount of time we work and the remaining amount of time we have is pretty much spent with the kids. Every now and then I may take a day off during the week while the kids are in daycare to play a round. But usually weekends are out of the question. Maybe a range session at most. Seems as though lately I've been getting my golf fix just reading this forum late at night or hitting up the bst to hoard gear. But I guess I would fall under the typical Ho as many of you have put it! So, if you have the opportunity to get a round in, and all of your priorities have been taken care of, I'd say go for it.

[ronstars]

I agree with these guys saying find YOUR balance... I have a 4 month old baby girl myself and I can honestly say I have golfed 0 times since her birth. And I am in no way upset about it. I went from playing/practicing multiple times a week to cold turkey zero times. I love golf, everything from putting a great swing on the ball to sinking that 12' for birdie to dressing up like the pros! But, I love my daughter more than life itself...One day I will be back out there on a weekly basis, most likely still have my S56's and TW13 spikes on too, in like new condition of course! (side note: want to stop ho'ing clubs? Have a baby!)

Until then, I want to spend every moment I can with my baby girl. I can't imagine how crappy I would feel if she took her first steps in daycare while I was out trying to squeeze 36 holes in...

Just saying

[BrianL99]

[quote name='bhj83' timestamp='1393341920' post='8741392']

So I took him to daycare and went out and played golf. I felt a little guilty for doing so because I feel like I should spend that time with him, but at the same time I feel like I need some me time...


[/quote]


Everyone gets to decide for themselves, which is more important, their child or golf.

I'm shocked by the responses of most. Perhaps I shouldn't be, it's a new world order.

[cmrl1986]

We had our son in December of 2012. Pretty much the had the same situation that your in with the exception that I work nights and my days off vary depending on what week. He would go to the sitter on the days that I have to work after working the prior night (so I could sleep). What I would do is go practice or sneak a quick nine in before I went to pick him up. I would just get up a couple hours earlier than I usually do. Sitter is already paid for so again, why not? Now I don't do this all the time, but even if I just go putt around for a half hour at my club it gives me that time to unwind and relax. Everyone needs that little bit of "me time" as others have said. Don't rack your conscience over it. I can also say that I've taken the baby carrier to the course and had him ride 9 with me when he was young enough (perks of an extremely easy baby). Now that he's walking, that won't happen.
If your just looking for a bunch of golf nuts to tell you it's OK, you certainly posted to the right forum! My boy was on the course before he could walk, and I plan on telling him that later in life! Swing away my friend.

[That Bob Guy]

[quote name='bhj83' timestamp='1393341920' post='8741392']
Here's a 'what would you do?' type of situation. My wife and I just had our first child in November so he's just over 3 months old. She had 12 weeks off from work so she returned to work a couple of weeks ago and we started taking him to daycare. I work an alternate work schedule that allows me to have one extra day off every other week, so I have every other Monday off. Prior to having our baby boy, I would always just go out and play golf all day on those Mondays. Yesterday was the first day we didn't have snow on the ground since we've been taking him to daycare and I wanted to play some golf. Our daycare requires us to pay the same amount every week regardless of how many days we take him to daycare. So I took him to daycare and went out and played golf. I felt a little guilty for doing so because I feel like I should spend that time with him, but at the same time I feel like I need some me time...and we pay daycare no matter what. Have you been faced with a similar situation or what would you do if you had something like this come up?
[/quote]
[quote name='bhj83' timestamp='1393341920' post='8741392']
Here's a 'what would you do?' type of situation. My wife and I just had our first child in November so he's just over 3 months old. She had 12 weeks off from work so she returned to work a couple of weeks ago and we started taking him to daycare. I work an alternate work schedule that allows me to have one extra day off every other week, so I have every other Monday off. Prior to having our baby boy, I would always just go out and play golf all day on those Mondays. Yesterday was the first day we didn't have snow on the ground since we've been taking him to daycare and I wanted to play some golf. Our daycare requires us to pay the same amount every week regardless of how many days we take him to daycare. So I took him to daycare and went out and played golf. I felt a little guilty for doing so because I feel like I should spend that time with him, but at the same time I feel like I need some me time...and we pay daycare no matter what. Have you been faced with a similar situation or what would you do if you had something like this come up?
[/quote]
Good for you! That's my way of thinking. You're gonna make a fine dad!

[gambit]

[quote name='ronstars' timestamp='1393412257' post='8747922']
I agree with these guys saying find YOUR balance... I have a 4 month old baby girl myself and I can honestly say I have golfed 0 times since her birth. And I am in no way upset about it. I went from playing/practicing multiple times a week to cold turkey zero times. I love golf, everything from putting a great swing on the ball to sinking that 12' for birdie to dressing up like the pros! But, I love my daughter more than life itself...One day I will be back out there on a weekly basis, most likely still have my S56's and TW13 spikes on too, in like new condition of course! (side note: want to stop ho'ing clubs? Have a baby!)

Until then, I want to spend every moment I can with my baby girl. I can't imagine how crappy I would feel if she took her first steps in daycare while I was out trying to squeeze 36 holes in...

Just saying
[/quote]

That's awesome, man. I still remember crying when my girls were born (now 3 and 1). I used to play every couple of weeks, but my kids have been so sad when I leave the house lately that I play more like once a month or so. I actually cancelled my round of golf last weekend to take them to the beach. No regrets.

For the guys that take their kids to the course or range, what age did you start that at and did you do a nine hole first?

[vaterman]

I totally get the guilt feeling but as mentioned I think that just shows a good trait from you. I think it is OK for you to go play golf while she is in the daycare but I will also second that they do grow so fast. I strongly recommend that you spend some time with your son without mommy being around. Our daughter is already 4 now and I really cannot understand times go so fast.

When she was 2 she got diagnosed with a hip dis-location that required her put into cast that more or less covered her entire body from the stomach down for 6 months. Because of this the dycare wouldn't take her full time and my wife and I had to take turns to be with our daughter. That turned out to be more or less the best time of my life because I had to be with her and take care of her alone 50% of the time. In those months I got to know her really, really well. Because whenever mommy is around she tends to step in and take over automatically.

Being alone with my daughter... that was/is fantastic and today it is very clear that my daughter and I have a fantastic bond. Is it worth more than playing golf which I really love? Yes, yes and yes.

[OrangeCrush]

I think doing it every other Monday is not an unreasonable thing to do. Just make sure your wife has the same opportunity for her own "me time".

My now ex-wife and I used to BATTLE and I mean BATTLE over the topic of "me time". Like some of the other wives here, she had no other hobbies except riding my arse! LOL so she couldn't comprehend why I needed to get out of the house for 6-7-8 hours when I was a father first. We liked to go bowling together so I mentioned joining a bowling league with another mom/friend of ours who also bitched about her hubby wanting to golf. I told them both its more about getting out of the house then the activity.

My ex wanted me to only play 9 holes. I told her to go pound sand. I played 6-7 times a YEAR so not like I was excessive on my "me time". We split in Nov 2001 and I played more golf in Summer 2012 then I had in YEARS! LOL. I had to quit mid way thru 2013 for personal reasons but I am chomping at the bit for 2014.

Just remember a balance of "me time" for both parties!

[Bonesaw]

what did you shoot

[OUZO Power]

I see your angle.

But I would not do it. Thats me. Not saying your right or wrong. But I just wouldn't do it. And thats why my game has suffered in the last 5 years. From 30 rounds going down to 5 rounds eats me inside.

My day will come again.

[ahopkins13]

[quote name='doubleBZee' timestamp='1393351398' post='8742500']
I'm in the same boat. We pay for the week even if the little guy isn't there. I would suggest dropping him off for a 1/2 day, playing a round, then picking the little one up early. I have already done that numerous times, not for golf but it easier getting stuff done at home with giving him total attention. Plus you are paying for it.
[/quote]

Hit the nail on the head. I wouldnt feel guilty at all if i went and played for half a day then spent a little one on one time with my kid after getting done.

I travel Monday -- Friday everyother week. If i get back early ill go to the driving range or golf until its the regular time to pick up my daughter. (gotta keep her schedule consistent right?)

[highergr0und]

I wouldn't feel guilty if it's your big chance to get a round in. I get the occasional Friday off work and will sneak out for golf while the kid's at daycare. I played 5 rounds last year, and all five were on Fridays like that. I can't remember the last time I played on a weekend having chosen to always make those about family.

[markheardjr]

My wife realizes my need to play golf. She also has witnessed the cranky mess I am if I go more than 2-3 weeks without playing. She encourages me to just go when it's been a while. She wants me to have fun and relax. Detox the stress a little. You should let your wife know that golf is your outlet and alone time. Men need alone time more than woman do. They thrive on social interaction. It can be tough if your wife has few girlfriends to go unload all her thoughts on. But I would not feel bad going. You paid for the daycare service already, you need some restoration time doing something you enjoy. When he's older you can take him. But now, he's just a diaper filler. There will be times to show up, the sport, school, etc events. But now? Just go play. He won't remember it.

Also you should be leaving him with a babysitter and continuing to date your wife on weekends/weeknights. Don't let the kid stop the romance, that happens to a lot of people. Find a way to balance.

[anjoga]

Everyone here has covered it pretty well. I'll just say that I've been in the same shoes. It all works out if you are a reasonable person in my experience.

[Turbs]

Hi there, I have a 4 1/2 year old son and a 2 1/2 year old daughter, both born in end of August early Septrember and 23 months apart. The first few months are totally mommy time especially if your child is breast fed, we dads are there to give support to mom and enjoy our time with our children, but in reallity its "mom" who shines through in the first few months (no disrespect to any fathers who do the majority of nurturing in their relations with their children). It is very important that you [b]BOTH [/b]get some time away to re-energize your selves and still enjoy the activities that you were previously a part of. Moderation and communication are vital in making your choices, 9 holes used to piss me off to no end, now its a great time....
I'm a Director of a day care and I have a weekly Friday afternoon game with my brother, my children are in day care while I play and then get them after our round is over, they are having a blast in their environment and so am I in mine!!
I have always encouraged my wife to get out and have fun, and now I am doing the majority of parenting as my wife is working on her third degree, its team work everyday, share the work load and share the fun times and everything will be good....

enjoy your family!!

[quote name='bhj83' timestamp='1393344622' post='8741738']

[quote name='shaffe' timestamp='1393344244' post='8741698']
Why the hel! are you asking us .... What did the wife say?
[/quote]

Haha...well, I kind of just told her I was planning to play golf yesterday. She didn't really say anything, but I kind of got the feeling from her body language that she would've preferred that I stayed home with him. Then again, as I mentioned earlier, she doesn't really have any hobbies so she wouldn't have anything better to do on a day off...
[/quote]

[TKD24]

It's good that you feel guilty, but get your golf in and try to maintain some level of normalcy both with and without the kids.

My son goes to daycare (and infant daughter will soon go as well), and similarly, my weekdays are really more free to get golf in than weekends. My weekends are generally full of either a family activity, kids birthday, or church these days.

My wife has always preferred that I play on weekdays since, at least then, she won't be outnumbered.

I get some older folk saying that, if they could go back, they'd spend every second with their children. I get the sentiment. I do. I LOVE my family. But, let's be realistic about our needs. Recreation is a legitimate need. Within reason, enjoy the things you enjoy doing.

[c7015]

I have a 4.5 and a 1 year old ... I know how much getting time for yourself is important , but I personally feel time at a young age like that is so valuable. So I would say once in a while its a good thing but I wouldn't make it a habit ... unless that is the only chance you will get for [b]you [/b]time

as everyone here with kids has said they grow up so fast , and I think it says something about your priorities.

[size=4]now I can take my 4 year old with me and she loves raking the sand , tending the pin , riding in the cart , and getting a snickers at the tennis chalet on the 15th. She can last about 3 holes before she gets bored of golfing herself. [/size][size=4] I would try and put in the most time I can with my kids particularly when they are that young ... soon they grow up and could care less that you are at the course for 4 [/size][size=4]hours but as a baby they really miss you when you are gone. [/size][size=4] [/size]