24 Laws of golf

chas521chas521 Members Posts: 1,147 ✭✭
I posted this before but it still makes me laugh.


LAW 1:
No matter how bad your last shot was, you should have Inner Peace knowing that a shittier one is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.[/background][/font]











LAW 2:
Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.







LAW 3:
Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water. Expensive clubs have been known to be partly made with this most unusual natural alloy.







LAW 4:
Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.







LAW 5:
The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.







LAW 6:
A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar combination.







LAW 7:
All 3-woods are demon-possessed. Your Mother in Law does not come close.







LAW 8:
Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water. See LAW 3.







LAW 9:
The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.







LAW 10:
Golf should be given up at least twice per month.







LAW 11:
All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset.







LAW 12:
Since bad shots come in groups of three, your fourth consecutive bad shot is really the beginning of the next group of three.







LAW 13:
If it isn't broke, try changing your grip.







LAW 14:
It's surprisingly easy to hole a 50-foot putt when you lie 8.







LAW 15:
Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.





LAW 16:
Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.







LAW 17:
It's not a gimme if you're still 4 feet away.







LAW 18:
The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.







LAW 19:
You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a 2-inch branch 90% of the time.







LAW 20:
Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make a double or triple bogey to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.







LAW 21:
If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to use it to lay up just short of a water hazard.







LAW 22:
There are two things you can learn by stopping your backswing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.







LAW 23:
A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.







LAW 24:
Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.

Comments

  • QuigleyDUQuigleyDU Members Posts: 6,192 ✭✭
    edited Mar 21, 2019 5:45pm #2
    hahaha. 

    ! would add
    25. Tossing grass into the air only proves your a ****. 

    driver: SRIXON Z745
    fairway: NIKE VAPOR 13*
    3-4 IRON: MIZZY MP18MMC FLIHI
    5-9 IRONS: MP5 DG AMT X100
    WEDGES; CLEVELAND RTX 4: 48, 53, 58, 64
    PUTTER; RIFE Cayman
    BALL; various, ask me that day.
  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area.ClubWRX Posts: 24,221 ClubWRX
    Mrs. Pelz's Mother is the exception that proves rule 7.
  • kmcelhaneykmcelhaney Posts: 151 ✭✭
    QuigleyDU said:
    hahaha. 

    ! would add
    25. Tossing grass into the air only proves your a ****. 

    I throw grass.... and it is you're*, haha
  • JohnnyCashForeverJohnnyCashForever Members Posts: 243 ✭✭
    edited Mar 22, 2019 10:20am #5
    You lost me at %&$*!-ier. 

    I guess the new forum budget was spent on bright white and not a profanity censor.
  • QuigleyDUQuigleyDU Members Posts: 6,192 ✭✭
    QuigleyDU said:
    hahaha. 

    ! would add
    25. Tossing grass into the air only proves your a ****. 

    I throw grass.... and it is you're*, haha


    you're correct.. hahaha. I think throwing grass kinda defeats the point. 
    driver: SRIXON Z745
    fairway: NIKE VAPOR 13*
    3-4 IRON: MIZZY MP18MMC FLIHI
    5-9 IRONS: MP5 DG AMT X100
    WEDGES; CLEVELAND RTX 4: 48, 53, 58, 64
    PUTTER; RIFE Cayman
    BALL; various, ask me that day.
  • kyleluteskylelutes Members Posts: 80 ✭✭

    Hilarious

  • Crazy_BikerdudeCrazy_Bikerdude Members Posts: 21 ✭✭
    This should be carved in stone on the first tee.
  • SBH9458SBH9458 Go Army! Beat Navy! Members Posts: 893 ✭✭

    Funny stuff! So true on 22!

  • Great stuff , thanks

    Titleist 915 D2
    Ping G 3 W
    Ping G 5W
    Ping G25 Hybrid
    Mizuno JPX 900 hot metal 5-GW
    Vokey 52-08 sm4
    Vokey 56-14 sm6
    Odyssey White Hot RX2 ( but it better be careful)
  • billh17billh17 just happy to play Members Posts: 2,844 ✭✭

    Perfect ! Good stuff, thanks

    Certified Orginal Member#2
    Outlaw Golf Association
    To Heck with the USGA
  • andrueandrue Posts: 1,120 ✭✭

    The easiest way to guarantee a bogie is to have a par opportunity.

    Callaway Rogue Driver.
    Callaway Big Bertha OS Hybrids (3/4/5)
    Callaway Big Bertha OS Irons (6/7/8/9/PW/AW/SW)
    Callaway 60* Sureout wedge
    Callaway 64* Sureout wedge
    Ghost Spider Si 72 Putter
    Callaway Super Soft Yellow (White in winter).
  • fillwelixfillwelix Members Posts: 1,207 ✭✭

    When playing through a foursome as a single, make sure to have a second ball ready after firing your first one goes off the planet

    WITB
    Mizuno ST180 9.5 Tensei Blue 70 X
    Taylormade M2 2016 3HL PX HZRDUS Black 75g S
    Mizuno MP18 Fli-Hi 3 Nippon Modus 3 Tour 120 S
    Taylormade P770 4i-5i Nippon Modus 3 Tour 120 S
    Taylormade P730 6-PW Nippon Modus 3 Tour 120 S
    Taylormade MG 52 KBS Tour-V 130 S
    Taylormade Hi-Toe 58 & 64 KBS Hi Rev Wedge
    Byron Morgan DH89 / Toulon Long Island / Spider Tour Red
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