A Wife and two kids how to mix in Golf

[golfnmudd]

I have a wife, 8 year old, and 5 year old. I don’t play NEAR the golf I used to due to that. But, with all these people on this thread who talk about time allocation and priorities.....

 

Why don’t we talk about the fact that many of us spend over twice as much time at our jobs than we do with our family/friends/church/ etc. And why do we do this? So we can pay for things we don’t need. So we can live the “American dream”......which has become “wake up, spend 45 minutes at home, leave and work 10 hours, come home, try to keep up a house that is probably too big, spend 2 hours with family (30 minutes of that on golfwrx lol), go to sleep and do it again.

 

There have been a few times when I have thought that I shouldn’t be playing golf, but that pales in comparison to the times I’ve thought “why in the world do i work as much as I do”? Do I need all this stuff that I have? Will kids suffer more from me not being home from working too much to pay for material things, or from 54 holes of golf a month? I could probably work half as much as I do, while putting just as much food on the table as i do now, but having half the toys/material goods. Should I do that?

 

I’m not preaching to anyone, as I’m just as guilty as the next guy of too much work, too much golf, too much whatever...... We just need to understand that this issue of priorities and how we spend time is a relatively new problem that men face. For a LONG time it was, wake up, go hunt, gather fire wood, take care of family...do it again.

 

 

[golfnmudd]

Here's how I look at it, I have two kids under 3, both parents working full time and no grandparents around to help.

 

I golf during the week, whether thats vacation days, leaving early or arriving late. I'm lucky to have a flexible work schedule so that helps. Even then that's only 5-10 rounds a year.

 

Putting this in perspective a bit, my kids spend 3-4 hrs per weekday and say 20 hours on the weekend with us. If you golf 1 round, accounting for the time away, thats 6 hours, which is almost 20 percent of the available time you're away from your kids and wife. Two rounds, that's 35-40 percent...

 

 

 

 

Is a misogynistic portrait of a mob boss a good use of things to get a point across ?

 

I didn’t post it, but I’m curious? How is this misogynistic?

[callawayjay]

Some if you have very strange infatuations with your children... I don't think anyone has the right to lecture others how to live their lives.

 

The question should be to the significant other, hey how much time can I take away from home before it becomes too much of a strain?

 

Again. Making her say no? Kind of a ****** move. How about you say no which is what a woman wants. Most of the time they would love for you to think for yourself and not make them out to be the bad guy

[callawayjay]

Here's how I look at it, I have two kids under 3, both parents working full time and no grandparents around to help.

 

I golf during the week, whether thats vacation days, leaving early or arriving late. I'm lucky to have a flexible work schedule so that helps. Even then that's only 5-10 rounds a year.

 

Putting this in perspective a bit, my kids spend 3-4 hrs per weekday and say 20 hours on the weekend with us. If you golf 1 round, accounting for the time away, thats 6 hours, which is almost 20 percent of the available time you're away from your kids and wife. Two rounds, that's 35-40 percent...

 

 

 

 

Is a misogynistic portrait of a mob boss a good use of things to get a point across ?

 

I didn’t post it, but I’m curious? How is this misogynistic?

 

You’re asking how a mob boss has respect for women?

[golfnmudd]

Here's how I look at it, I have two kids under 3, both parents working full time and no grandparents around to help.

 

I golf during the week, whether thats vacation days, leaving early or arriving late. I'm lucky to have a flexible work schedule so that helps. Even then that's only 5-10 rounds a year.

 

Putting this in perspective a bit, my kids spend 3-4 hrs per weekday and say 20 hours on the weekend with us. If you golf 1 round, accounting for the time away, thats 6 hours, which is almost 20 percent of the available time you're away from your kids and wife. Two rounds, that's 35-40 percent...

 

 

 

 

Is a misogynistic portrait of a mob boss a good use of things to get a point across ?

 

I didn’t post it, but I’m curious? How is this misogynistic?

 

You’re asking how a mob boss has respect for women?

 

No. I’m asking how that quote is prejudice against women? All the “ist” words get thrown around a bit too loosely these days imo.

 

misogynistic

[mi-soj-uh-nis-tik, mahy‐]

adjective

reflecting or exhibiting hatred, dislike, mistrust, or mistreatment of women.

 

If I remember right, Vito was always very nice and respectful to his wife and daughters. I mean, come on.... he even helped the little old lady keep her dog in the apartment lol.

[phillyspecial]

I have a 6 and 4 yr old. My wife fully understands golf is my passion and it is the currency we trade in - ie she goes out with friends and I watch the kids, then that adds some hours in my bank to play golf. We also get a sitter one weeknight a week for pure independent time - I play mens league and she does whatever.

 

But the holy grail for me has been getting my son hooked on it. I put a club in his hands at age 2. I started taking him to the range/short game at age 4, started taking him for rds of golf in a cart at age 5. Now he hits balls all winter with me in the garage. When I take him out, my wife gets a break with the easier kid (my daughter), and I get to spend priceless hours alone with my son on the golf course. Last year I took him out for around 25 18 hole rds - thats all bonus golf I would have never had. I come home, everyone is happy.

[RP29]

Some if you have very strange infatuations with your children... I don't think anyone has the right to lecture others how to live their lives.m

 

The question should be to the significant other, hey how much time can I take away from home before it becomes too much of a strain?

 

Again. Making her say no? Kind of a ****** move. How about you say no which is what a woman wants. Most of the time they would love for you to think for yourself and not make them out to be the bad guy

 

It's all give and take, poor comms is the key to resentment.

 

 

[oldschoolrocker]

Unless the wife is a golfaholic it’s gonna be tough, BUT, can be accomplished with some good old fashioned give and take.

Most of us have been though that phase of our golfing lives, and, the key is to find time for golf that doesn’t take away (on a regular basis) from family activities.

I was fortunate that during that time of my life my place of employment was very pro golf, and we would have at least a once, sometimes twice a month afternoon golf outing.

Also, my wife’s father, and brother, were golfers, so she kind of had an idea what she signed up for.

[BeerPerHole]

Here's my take. I have a 12 year old boy, 8 year old girl, and I'm married (nowadays that's not to be assumed) to mom. Early on, when my boy was 4, I started taking him to the range. I didn't coach him. I spoke to him about golf in a way that everybody played golf (like brushing your teeth and mowing the lawn). Just so happened he fell in love with the game and recently hung up other sports to concentrate on it. My wife: I married a lady who already loved to play golf. We played when we were dating. My daughter: loves Jordan Speith. Will get out and hit a few balls when we play, then goes off to collect pine cones and chase squirrels. I hope she starts to love the game too someday. See the trend here? Married a golfing woman. That's like finding a unicorn. Kids and family come first. I count my blessings that I can still play golf. But, if you don't have a wife and kids who like golf your golf activities will be very limited. With my skills, I'd never be a good golfer in that situation. I'd have to be happy playing poorly and very occasionally.

 

For you, I think the key is getting your family to enjoy/love golf.

 

In our case, we also defeated autism since having my son. He was bad. I dropped everything to help him - worked 2 jobs for many years, quit the band I was in for several years, almost never swung a golf club, drove an old truck. Over 80% of the couples who face autism get divorced. I really hope you can find a way to get the wife and kids to take to the game. Our path included soccer and karate. I like letting kids pick their sports, and feel very fortunate my son is crazy about golf. We recently joined a golf country club which results in a certain immersion in the sport. I think that helps if you can pull it off (haha!)

[BlackDiamondPar5]

Hopefully one of your kids will enjoy golf---The sooner you can introduce them the better. I took my son to a Par 3 when he was 5 or 6--- he instantly fell in love with the sport and still carries that passion 17 years later. We've had lots of great times on the course, locally and golfing on family vacations. I certainly golfed more because we'd often go together and my wife always supported us golfing together.

 

Thinking back to when my kids were young, I always played in my 9 hole league 1 night after work and maybe get a periodic 18 on the weekend. You may have to reset your expectations and remember not to take quality family time for granted.

[Under2hours]

My kids never took to it..... I tried a number of things, most important was thinking driving the cart will hook him to spend time..... No luck.......

[RecreationalHacker]

I’m in a similar position except I have 3 kids. Also, my work requires regular travel so I’m away from home frequently. The reality is that I simply do not play as much golf as I would like. Most of the time, I play one round per week on Sunday morning. I’m usually one of the first people on the course so I can get home in time for brunch with the family. During the week, I sometimes play at a nice par 3 near my house where I can get some exercise without taking much time. Sometimes I may play only 5 holes before I leave to pickup or drop-off my kids. There’s only so many hours in a day and I have to balance them between work, wife, kids, chores around the house, and golf. You have to figure out a reasonable balance that works for you and your family. There is no way that I could play 36 holes in a week.

[Break81]

My Kids just turned 5 & 3. I play usually once a week, sometimes 2 if I can take a customer during the week. However I did play less Feb-April as my 5 year old had her first season of softball and most games were Saturday mornings.

 

Basically I know the next 10 years my golf is going to be compromised to a degree. I do have some bargaining power with the wife as she works part time and has Disneyland passes to take the kids to have her fun as well. They are the cheap passes , only good M-F and blocked out summer and Christmas but it does buy me some golf without and nagging from her.

 

I do play earlier than I once did so I am also home around lunch on the weekend rounds, I don't hang out after and drink beers anymore for the most part. The part that I think has been most effected is practice, or lack there of. The game can be up and down more than before, this week I might shoot a 78 or 95 and I have no idea before hand. lol

[ratspros]

I have 3 kids 6 years, 4 years and 10 months. In the summer I get in 3 rounds. Now I’ve never understood the weekend dew sweeper mentality as in my house that just wouldn’t fly. Anyways you have to play when works best for you and your family. For me I play men’s nights Wednesday’s at my course and this is my longest round from my family as I usually am at the course from 2pm until well after the kids are in bed at 8. Now in the summer when the older girls don’t have school I bring them to the course and we chip/putt have ice cream from 2-4 when I usually tee off. Then my wife will show up with the new guy and take them to the clubhouse for diner so easy meal for her.

 

Friday’s I play during work hours with clients. And then I play one twilight round on the weekends but usually only for the months of June, July and August when we have enough daylight I can start my round at 6:30-7 and still get 18 in. This way I only miss the last 2 hours of my kids being up on a weekend rather then the first 4 hours the dew sweeper way as my kids are usually up before tee times even start in the morning.

 

I also try to sneak in 1 or 2 hour long short game practice sessions in the week between work appointments. I also take each kid on their own to the course once a week and the whole family once a week in the summer months, it’s something we really all love to do so far. Finally my wife and I will get a sitter and do a nine with wine once or twice a month.

[Gapwedger7]

I have 3 kids 6 years, 4 years and 10 months. In the summer I get in 3 rounds. Now I've never understood the weekend dew sweeper mentality as in my house that just wouldn't fly. Anyways you have to play when works best for you and your family. For me I play men's nights Wednesday's at my course and this is my longest round from my family as I usually am at the course from 2pm until well after the kids are in bed at 8. Now in the summer when the older girls don't have school I bring them to the course and we chip/putt have ice cream from 2-4 when I usually tee off. Then my wife will show up with the new guy and take them to the clubhouse for diner so easy meal for her.

 

Friday's I play during work hours with clients. And then I play one twilight round on the weekends but usually only for the months of June, July and August when we have enough daylight I can start my round at 6:30-7 and still get 18 in. This way I only miss the last 2 hours of my kids being up on a weekend rather then the first 4 hours the dew sweeper way as my kids are usually up before tee times even start in the morning.

 

I also try to sneak in 1 or 2 hour long short game practice sessions in the week between work appointments. I also take each kid on their own to the course once a week and the whole family once a week in the summer months, it's something we really all love to do so far. Finally my wife and I will get a sitter and do a nine with wine once or twice a month.

 

Well,

 

I've enjoyed reading many responses on this topic; first as some post have pointed out every situation is different. For me pre-kids( now have 3 kids- 7 year old, 6 year old, and 3 year old) during marriage golfing or how much I played was not much of an issue. I could still find plenty of quality time with the wifey; when the third child came along had to quit my local Thursday night golf league. Now with 3 kids I can still golf but have to be selective and go when I can. I used to be able to schedule when I went but now it all depends on what's going on each week with the family. I can still play usually once a week and sometimes twice depending on what's going on. My wife will play 9 holes with me every now and then on a date night. Her father is a golfer and has had a private membership at a local golf club for years. My wife loves most sports and knows the basic's of golf etc; actually played college softball back in her college years, I play in tournaments throughout the year, most all are local but as long as I communicate and give my wifey a heads up I usually can make most of the tournaments I want to play in. Things that have helped me over the years with this issue(with kids):

 

1. Always put family first (quality time with wife and kids, there functions come first etc.)

2. Know how things are going during a week with kids and wife assist and be there as much as possible

3. Be prepared not to play if she is having a rough week or just needs time away from kids for a bit

4. If there is chores or stuff that needs to be done in or around the house make sure they get done as some mentioned a wife likes a clean house/yard.

5. Take kids to play with you if possible; I actually have played some of my best golf with kids present at the course with me

6. Find a time on the weekend if possible where there is a 3 hour gap or so where your not going to be missed (Mine is usually Sunday afternoon; wife and kids nap after a long intensive week.)

7. Once I'm done playing and come home make sure I'm not discussing the golf round with the family but be engaged at what's going in with them :nyam:

8. When she ask for free time or night out with girls don't hesitate

9. Don't let golf zap all your energy; if you get done playing make sure you have energy left for the family (don't make them left overs)

10. At the end of the day as Competitive as I am the sacrifice is worth it to be more family involved.

[BlueFab5]

I'm fortunate to work for myself so I play during the week.

[clouse8]

I'm trying to figure this same thing out, have a fresh 6 month old at home and still trying to play

[pbr2121]

For the love of pete. I have two girls, a lovely wife and I have played once a week for their entire lives and the duration of our marriage. I get my a** out of bed and am done before their games, etc. on the weekend l. My wife loves me, knows I love the game and that we're all happier when I get to play. Seriously, your kids won't be misfits because they had to go without your nurturing a couple hours a week.

[ctmason_98]

For the love of pete. I have two girls, a lovely wife and I have played once a week for their entire lives and the duration of our marriage. I get my a** out of bed and am done before their games, etc. on the weekend l. My wife loves me, knows I love the game and that we're all happier when I get to play. Seriously, your kids won't be misfits because they had to go without your nurturing a couple hours a week.

 

Who said he (or anyone) could not be away from family for “a couple hours a week.” The golf he described playing was a bit more than “a couple hours a week.”

 

Can't help you Bro.

Wife & 3.

Still play, still married. You have to figure some stuff out by your onesies.

 

Honest by God, serious question. What was your purpose in posting this then? To make sure he knew you can’t post anything? Or to somehow say you’re a better man than him?

[Baitkiller]

Fair enough.. removed.

[DJGainer]

I am kinda in the same boat at this point with only a single kid who is 18 months old. Both my wife and I work long hours and i don't get out nearly as much as I would like. I think what I am going to try is to keep up my level of practice (usually get out at least once a weekend while the kid is asleep) and then try to get 9 in (at least) somewhere during the week. It's definitely tough but it's not because my wife isn't supportive; it's because I don't want to spend my limited free time away from family.

[Metrocruiser]

Hello, I did not read all the replies as there are too many.

 

I golfed at least 10 times a month before my kids entered this world. I was in 3 hockey pools and also in a 9 ball league.

 

All of it went into hibernation when the bakery shop opened.

 

Long story short.

 

It's been 11 years of no hockey or pool. But I have been at the driving range consistently for 1.5 hour sessions. I read and watch YouTube a lot. I have also introduced golf to my kids.

 

Right now I am getting ready to play golf on Friday which will make it the 3rd 18 holes I have played in the last 12 years. It's been a long time coming and it's going to stay.

 

Honestly with all the things I've learned and practiced this past decade, I know I'm going to break 80 in the next handful of rounds. Shot an 86 with my old golfing buddy last year and boy was he pissed off haha.

 

I really missed golf. But being with my kids and wife was way more important at that stage of the family.

 

Now my kids do chores and I don't have to wipe their asses anymore YAY!!

 

Patience......

[naval2006]

Being a golfer all my life has helped some in those hard years of toddlers and nappies and a lot of work. That was the time of my life when I played the least, but I didn’t quit. I remember it was all about negotiating and trading with my wife. I only played twice a month and did some practice after work. My mother in law back then was a great help. It’s the hardest period in life to fit golf in. But it goes by quickly and kids grow up very fast and the way you enjoy them when they are young makes up for the lack of golf.

 

I couldn’t get any of my kids into golf yet. But I’m still hopeful. My buddy’s son got completely hooked up at 20.

[EKELLY]

My buddy always said , "The death of my golf game will be a mortgage, 2 kids, and a minivan!"....And he was right!.....

[atomheartmother]

I don't have a wife and kids but I'll tell you how my friend deals with this. He goes out and makes the money and provides a nice home, car and all the financials needed to raise a family. She raises the kids. If he wants to play golf on his day off he plays golf. If your wife works this is always going to be problematic. You either need to be fully the man of the house or not. If she likes all the nice things she's provided she'll understand that all that money you make requires some leisure time and her full time job is being a parent.

 

Wow. I had to check the date of this post. I thought for sure it was going to say 1968 and not 2018.

 

Being a parent and a partner is equal in relationship and responsibility regardless of who makes the (most) money. Wow.

 

 

As to the OP, you have to work it out with your wife. Have her set aside time for herself. I’m fortunate in that I don’t work during the summers (work for a school), so this is less of an issue for me. I can golf on the days that the baby is at daycare. During the school year, I get out to the range after work before the wife and kid get home, if I’m able to. Then I might get out for an evening 9 holes once or twice a week as late as I can still get out and finish, so as to not miss too much time at home with the family.

 

My wife golfs (she got me into it), but doesn’t golf often. We do a few times a year. We’re experiment with taking the one-year-old out with us, but I’m wary of stray balls. We got through a 9 hole par three without issues.

 

I also make sure that if she asks to go to the gym or anything, I always say yes. She also tends to have a lot of work events in the evenings, so I think she feels bad about that too, which “helps”.

 

Work things out. But as great as golf is, family, kids, and having a wife that adores you is far more important.

[zubby01]

Here is what I did and I actually got better. We were lucky enough to have a lighted driving range nearby. When kids went to bed, I would go hit balls about twice a week. I would be gone and back in about an hour. There is a school nearby with a big field. I would work on my chipping and wedge distances. I can do that early in the morning before anyone is even up. On the way home form work, go putt for an hour. Then I might go play once a month.

- I grooved my swing

- Chipping improved and dialed in distances

- Putting was better

- I really looked forward to going

- Minimal time away from family

- Cheaper

[wkndhack]

Here is what I did and I actually got better. We were lucky enough to have a lighted driving range nearby. When kids went to bed, I would go hit balls about twice a week. I would be gone and back in about an hour. There is a school nearby with a big field. I would work on my chipping and wedge distances. I can do that early in the morning before anyone is even up. On the way home form work, go putt for an hour. Then I might go play once a month.

- I grooved my swing

- Chipping improved and dialed in distances

- Putting was better

- I really looked forward to going

- Minimal time away from family

- Cheaper

The family fun park near me added lights to their range and pitch and putt this year. I've been able to practice about twice a week there myself and it's helping a bunch.

[ChristopherMcDonald]

My Kids just turned 5 & 3. I play usually once a week, sometimes 2 if I can take a customer during the week. However I did play less Feb-April as my 5 year old had her first season of softball and most games were Saturday mornings.

 

Basically I know the next 10 years my golf is going to be compromised to a degree. I do have some bargaining power with the wife as she works part time and has Disneyland passes to take the kids to have her fun as well. They are the cheap passes , only good M-F and blocked out summer and Christmas but it does buy me some golf without and nagging from her.

 

I do play earlier than I once did so I am also home around lunch on the weekend rounds, I don't hang out after and drink beers anymore for the most part. The part that I think has been most effected is practice, or lack there of. The game can be up and down more than before, this week I might shoot a 78 or 95 and I have no idea before hand. lol

 

Played Vellano the other week... What a brutal track

[Break81]

My Kids just turned 5 & 3. I play usually once a week, sometimes 2 if I can take a customer during the week. However I did play less Feb-April as my 5 year old had her first season of softball and most games were Saturday mornings.

 

Basically I know the next 10 years my golf is going to be compromised to a degree. I do have some bargaining power with the wife as she works part time and has Disneyland passes to take the kids to have her fun as well. They are the cheap passes , only good M-F and blocked out summer and Christmas but it does buy me some golf without and nagging from her.

 

I do play earlier than I once did so I am also home around lunch on the weekend rounds, I don't hang out after and drink beers anymore for the most part. The part that I think has been most effected is practice, or lack there of. The game can be up and down more than before, this week I might shoot a 78 or 95 and I have no idea before hand. lol

 

Played Vellano the other week... What a brutal track

Before they shut it down correct ? Think it’s been closed for over a month unless they changed their mind on building more houses.

[FadeFace]

Well don’t know how old you are but it’s that time in life I have a million hobby’s and time for half of one of them. I plan rounds for the weekend ahead of time. If it’s last minute usually play 9 or hit the range for some practice. Most of my friends play golf and our wives as well which helps allot.

But you gotta ask your self what’s more important. Resentment is cancer. Talk it out.