Great Golf Quotes

[Andrew Bond of Glencoe]

What’s your handicap?

 

“Booze and loose women.”

- Andrew Bond of Glencoe

[gretch]

 

 

Whoever came up with that font should be shot.

 

I almost had a seizure trying to read it...

[SnapHooker_307]

(Blades chip shot over the green almost out of site) "I'm never playing again, son of a %^&^ mother $#&*."

(Chips, hits pin, in for par) "Dude, we getting a tee time tomorrow? And Sunday?"

 

One of my buddies playing this summer, only his 2nd summer playing. He finally experienced the joy the rest of us deal with.

[tmartin89]

As my signature says,

 

“As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. ”- Ben Hogan

[disco111]

Playing with one of the guys in our regular group, that has the propensity to embellish marking his ball on the green. Marks it once and upon replacing it, it finds it's way a little closer to the hole. He then starts his putting routine and decides to recheck ball position again. Marks and then realigns the ball and again it finds it's way a little closer to the hole, when one of the other guys blurts out......"If you mark it one more time it could be in the hole".............. :cheesy:

[kujosit]

 

 

Whoever came up with that font should be shot.

 

I almost had a seizure trying to read it...

 

LoL!

[Jld1501]

What's your handicap?

 

"Booze and loose women."

- Andrew Bond of Glencoe

 

I've often said if not for booze, women, and gambling I could've retired years ago...

[aras]

My best drive of the day went out-of-bounds.

Me

[frebird]

"That tree is 90% air" "There anit no pictures on the scorecard" " The Pack Falls to Jack" headline after 86 Masters

[TigerWoodsIV]

Mrs. Tiger Woods when asked how many time she hit Tiger's SUV with the 9-iron....

 

"uhhh...put me down for a 5.

Lmao would be hilarious if that was a real quote.

[double_d]

(Scene 1986 Masters Sunday, Par 3 16th)

 

Jackie Nicklaus: (watching flight of 5 iron shot) "Be Right!"

Jack Nicklaus: (bending to pick up tee) "It is."

 

...ball ends up 3 feet from the hole.

[wfwp]

My golf is woeful but I will never surrender- Bing Crosby

 

Golf is a game in which you yell "fore", shoot six, and write down fiver- Paul Harvey

 

The money was going to come and go, between a wife and the IRS. The thrill of beating the best field in golf is what will always stay with me- Calvin Peete

[Almostscratchonce]

Player A: "Trees are 90% air", then proceeds to hit a shot that rattles around in the canopy before dropping straight down.

 

Player B to Player A: That chain-link fence around that pool is 90% air, why don't you go run through it?

[tgreenwood11]

Played a blind shot at St. Andrews on my 2nd shot, par 4. I asked my Scottish caddie; “where’d it go?” He replied “laddie, it’s tighter than a nun’s c$&t?

[phil75070]

To a golfer after a prodigious drive:

 

"I know people that don't go that far on vacation!" - me

[sdandrea]

Never buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it......

[sdandrea]

My dad:

 

the only thing you see when you look up early in the swing is a bad shot.

 

You are the only person who cares what you shoot.

[1legGOLFER]

"talk dirty to me" - Justin Thomas

[1legGOLFER]

"The price is wrong"- Happy Gilmore

[Ferguson]

"Golf doesn't get easier, you just get better."

[Ryan3773]

“Wood in sand, wood in head”

 

Don’t remember who said it, but it was relayed to me when I was like 12 hitting a 7 wood out of a fairway bunker lol

[sprcoop]

I catch a good one out of the tee box and exclaim, "I nutted that one!". My buddy tees it up and duck hooks one straight left into the trees and quietly says, "I neutered that one."

[elwhippy]

Our late playing partner. A man of great humour but little belief in his own ability. "I've gone", "I've £$%&g gone", followed a couple of holes later by "I can't play this $£%^&*g" game"....this usually resulted in him parring the next 5 holes and taking the money...

[golf1836]

"the more I practice the luckier I get" Gary Player

 

"I don't allway's hit a sand wedge 150 yards but when i do it's from a greenside bunker" the most interesting man in the world

[Ghost_556]

"the more I practice the luckier I get" Gary Player

 

 

I don't doubt Player used that quote, but I've heard that was attributed to Hogan after a member of the press pissed him off with a question about being lucky. I imagine Player being just the opposite, he always seems to have such a pleasant, positive way about him.

 

Two of my favorites are:

 

"Dance with the girl what brung ya" I think that was Snead

 

"It's not your wife, it's not your life, it's just a game" Not sure, maybe Tommy Armour ?

[1ironcharlie]

"I wouldn't teach my swing to anyone, its got more moves than kung fu."

- Jim Thorpe

 

Tony Jacklin to Lee Trevino at the final round of the open championship...

" Lee, i don't want to talk today."

"Tony, I don't need you to talk, I need you to listen."

 

"I don't know why y'all say that hogans so unfriendly, he talks to me on every green."

"What's he say, jimmy?"

"You're away."

-Jimmy Demaret

 

"Ya understand?"

Lee Trevino

 

I love the last Lee quote, because every time he says it, he's got this look in his eye that let's you know he's harder than a coffin nail, and if you intend to beat him you'd better pack a lunch. He was all smiles, but underneath he was a stone cold killer.

 

 

[Ivyguy]

A flute with no holes, is not a flute

 

A donut with no holes, is a Danish.

 

It makes so much sense. Lol. I actually say this myself after my first hosel rocket (lateral shot, low running cut, wind beater, etc) of the day.

 

Keeps the head right.

 

I also like, "cant fix stupid, but at least you are beautiful" this is what I tell myself after my first duck hook (tour trajectory lefter, excessive draw, glute activated slinger, etc) of the day. And I am not beautiful. I look like a 6'4" parakeet that got beat up by someone that was carrying an ugly stick.

 

But it's good to get a chuckle out of the rest of the group. Which is really the entire ethos of my golf game (I loosely call it a golf game)

[RH2]

Tiger Woods after his drive “Hey Charles, did you hear about that Walmart they are building out here?”

Charles Barkley replies “No”

Tiger “Yeah, they are going to put it between my ball and yours!”

 

And... one of the best golf quotes of all time “Just Grip It and Rip It!”

[RobGW]

"Where is the first tee and what's the course record?"

Snead.

 

I use this at many pro shop counters just before turning in yet another smooth 89.

 

From the whites.

I was at a course in Florida where a guy in front of me said that. Four guys behind the counter all said in unison, "Four hours."

[RobGW]

Jack Lemmon, at Pebble Beach during the pro-am, while lining up a putt for triple, asked his caddie, "Which way does it break?" The reply, "Who cares?"