Wife is jealous of golf

[deadsolid...shank]

I was I a similar situation for the first 15 years or so. No hobbies for the mrs, just being a terrific mom. She very much resented the time taken by the game.

When the kids left she got back into working out, teaching exercise classes, just taking some time for herself. It has made a world of difference. It may stil be short of encouraging me to play but she doesn't seem to resent it nearly as much, and often times even asks how it went. I do try to keep it reasonable also and not abuse the situation.

Make sure your mrs has something that is "hers".

Good luck man.

[DeNinny]

OP, that is an unfortunate situation. My only advice is to try to work out and agree on a golf compromise with her. Get it on the negotiation table and get it mutually agreeable. Also maybe there is a deeper issue and golf is just at the surface.

[Forged4ever]

[quote name='DeNinny' timestamp='1411256058' post='10154415']
maybe there is a deeper issue and golf is just at the surface.
[/quote]Great point-

Have a nice evening

My Best,
Richard

[cwglum]

My $.02 worth ... Your wife could care less about golf, if you played tennis it would be tennis ... she's upset that you have anything outside of her that brings you joy. It's the ultimate catch-22, ladies won't date a man that has nothing going on for himself. But once you're with them ... That's exactly what they prefer, for you to have nothing outside of her and to wake up everyday presenting her with 3-4 different field trip ideas pre-planned for the two of you to embark upon together.

Make sure she stays in regular contact with HER friends because if she doesn't, she will sit home and stew while you're out golfing. If she doesn't have friends or a social life outside of you ... the road will get rocky with a quickness.

You're part is to make sure you are totally "antennas up" at home while you're not golfing.

[roundersmitty]

If the situation gets to the point men are being emasculated by women, controlling when they can and can't go, the situation becomes much worse. My wife earlier in the year listed reasons after I made golf plans why I shouldn't go. Since plans were not made with my wife during the time I planned on playing golf, I just kinda ignored her, didn't let the discussion escalate into an argument, and went golfing. This, made her respect me more (most women don't really want a man they can push around). Recently (a bit over a month ago) my wife gave up smoking after 22 years, and started jogging. She goes by herself sometimes and about half the time I join her. The above posts are right...every woman also need a hobby for enjoyment too.

[PZero]

Buy a new bag of clubs and have them shipped individually one at a time to your house.

[kmo]

In my experience it's because the wife/gf does not have a hobby as we do. When you go and buy anything golf related I've found that it helps to buy the ol lady a little something. I've also brought my lady with me to the course which was a disaster to begin with but after she realized when not to ask questions and make comments about lack luster shots it actually became fun for the both of us. Point being anytime the other half is mad about golf it's because they feel we have not devoted time to them and all extra time goes to golf so either way you go if they are included or occupied it seems to help lol.

[ZAP]

Get her a hobby now! Make sure she knows you both need time away to keep the relationship fresh. Also make sure you are not the guy who claims nine holes takes 5 hours because you are drinking at the 19th hole for hours after your round.

As others have said golf is not the issue. Get to the bottom of it and find a way to be able to play guilt free. I play almost every weekend morning at the crack of dawn and then I am able to come home and have "family time". It helps that my wife plays so she understands the attraction of the game.

[2bGood]

I just tell my wife that she can choose what I do when I go out to relax but she only has two options:

intercourse or golf course.

Just kidding. My wife did used to stress about how much I golf, but when we decided she would stay home full time with the kids, she relaxed a fair bit as she had time for herself and my golf time was not cutting into her personal time.

Not sure what you situation is, but for the issue was I was not doing my fair share around the house as my golf time was cutting into my homemaking time.

[ricar1610]

[quote name='Forged4ever' timestamp='1411245715' post='10153809']
[quote name='mdgboxx' timestamp='1411233199' post='10153155']
Your wives may not be as jealous of your golf as you want to believe.

Could it be that the Lady in your life misses her boyfriend?

Remember, the one who made time for her? The one who included her in all of his conversations?

BEFORE she married and had children with him?
[/quote]WoW, this is some good s***!!

Md is a little further down the fairway than some of you, and this is like getting answers to the test for you younger guys who haven't taken the "test" yet. Though I wasn't married to her we were togethe for 9 years, first as a Pro/Am BB team, then BF/GF. She was as kind, sweet and understanding a Lady as one could hope to meet.

And I drop kicked our relationship all over the course.

As I said before, I literally lived at the club in '12, 7 days/week. Even when it rained, I would go down to the practice tee to practice hitting in inclement weather. Though she was a LPGA Master Professional, she was first asst at a very nice club on the other side of town, and as such, she would close up the shop about 8:30-9ish, when all the carts were in. She would usually swing by my club and by this time I was on the practice putting green. I used the darkness to work on my feel with my putts. She would usually join me for a putting contest then we'd head down over the hill to a neighborhood tavern for a bite to eat.

I had the world by the b**** in my mind. Business was good, I had a beautiful Woman who loved me and the icing on the cake was that we both had a deep Love for the game and along with being BB partners, she understood the time and effort that I put into my game.

However, what she didn't understand, and I obviously did not see, was my inability to communicate with her.

She didn't count talking about the best technique for using my 19°h off of the second cut of frog hair green side Nor did she count my quandary going with the long hybrid versus my Cally Steelhead + 5M- Here I am known as a good communicator and I couldn't talk to the person that I Loved more than anyone in my world- Unbeknownst to me, she had gone onto another site where I had a lot of posts and basically laid out a diary if you will, of my second bout with cancer. As she walked out the door that last time on January 7, 2013, she turned and said that she had learned much more about me in her two hours on this forum than she had in our nine years together.

And the worst of it was(or the best, depending) that she didn't care how much time I spent at the club practicing, playing or whatever. She was good with that. It was the lack of MEANINGFUL COMMUNICATION(meaningful to her Gents, not us )

So I guess what I'm trying to say is Md' words are Platinum!!

If you Love this woman and she is still the center of your universe and the most beautiful woman in your world, take the time, make the time, to talk with her!! And has also been mentioned above, LISTEN TO HER!! Dont just talk at her!

This is a friickin game. And not one of you loves this game more than I do, however I'd give it up in a heartbeat to have a relationship like Md, PeanutsDaddy, Kadrin or Joey2aces has.

In a frickin heartbeat!!

It's a game Fellas!

Great post Md

All The Best,
Richard
[/quote]

Richard - I always enjoy your wisdom - thanks for sharing

I get the privilege of coaching HS golf and from August to November I get to play for free everyday. However, I might be giving it up after this year so I can focus on my 3 kids and their endeavors. I used to think I would never give this coaching gig up until my 5 year old asked my why I was gone all day last Saturday. Broke my heart. My daughter is 11 and dances at a studio 7 hours a week so my wife has "That" with her. However my 8 and 5 year old boys are starting to get into wanting to play other sports etc. There really are seasons of life and my golf season is going to be put on hold.

My wife has always been great about me playing golf - in high level competitive tournaments - or just with friends. She understands it is my outlet and we all NEED that. What I have learned is that as long as I stay committed to our family plan and not let golf get in the way of what we are doing, then I am ok to go play. I am able to go without worry. It also makes me want to be home and I end up playing less as a result.

To the OP - if she is TRULY jealous of golf - IMO she will be jealous of whatever you decide to have as a hobby. Jealousy is Jealousy - unless you are just overdoing it. Good luck with it. It's no fun to be in that situation.

I have had bouts of obsession with this game from playing to equipment, etc. but Richard you hit it on the head when you said it is just a game. It really is.

From what I can tell after reading posts on WRX for almost 8 years now, it appears we are all a bit obsessed. It's a great game.

Take care

[LittleLeftToRight]

You do the crime, you have to do the time. Just so you know it isn't only you.

http://www.golfwrx.com/forums/topic/1082609-met-henrikemma-stenson/

[Musky]

Have her play golf with you. It's fun. Then when you, if you don't already, have kids, you can teach them to play. Then like my wife and I did today, you go and watch your daughter play and win a golf tournament. Just like we did Thursday.

That's my brag. Honestly though, family golf is great. And don't let her tell you she hates it. That's nonsense. You take her out on the golf course, tell her how damn happy you are she is out there with you, how having there her with you makes the game you love that much better, and she'll learn to love the game. Buy her some nice clubs, buy her some nice golf clothes and tell her how nice she looks. Get another couple you know to both play golf. This doesn't mean every round you play has to be with your wife, but she'll certainly get it.

I don't understand how, or why, many men completely separate they're golf life from their married life. It's stupid.

[teeitlow]

Married 18 years I'm a little old fashioned, but dang if you aren't the king of your castle, the path is looking mighty troublesome for you
-D

[mtn1414]

My wife said she would divorce me if I didn't quit golf.

I miss her sometimes.

[airjammer]

This has come up every so often the best quote I ever heard about this came from a previous thread. " Babe, you are number one, golf is number two. If you want to stay number one don't F with number two!!"

My ex wife was golf orphan growing up. She had a choice to go golfing with her parents or stay home. So when we met and I started golfing with her parents she didn't like but tolerated it. As the marriage didn't go as she envisioned golf became more of a issue so I took up bowling and gave up golf. As you can imagine that became a issue as well.

I reality she wanted me to be as miserable as she was. Good luck, I hope everything works out for you!

[roundersmitty]

This reminds me of the popular golf joke;
[color=#191919][size=4]

Four golfers who like to gamble wind up in the same foursome. The pot builds throughout the day until they reach the 18th green, where Charlie has a chance to putt for dough. If he makes his 10-foot putt, he wins $200.[/size][/color][color=#191919][size=4]
Charlie lines up his putt, but just as he's about to take his stance, a funeral procession begins passing by on the road that runs alongside the 18th hole.[/size][/color][color=#191919][size=4]
Charlie steps away from his ball, sets down his putter, takes off his hat and places it over his heart, and waits for the funeral procession to completely pass. One all the cars in the funeral procession have passed, Charlie picks up his putter and begins lining up the putt again.[/size][/color][color=#191919][size=4]
"Wow," one of his opponents says. "That was the most touching thing I have ever seen. You've got a makeable putt for $200, yet you stopped and paid your respects. You really are something."[/size][/color][color=#191919][size=4]
"Well," Charlie says, "we [i]were[/i] married for 25 years."[/size][/color]

[Bigjim1022]

[quote name='Forged4ever' timestamp='1411245715' post='10153809']
[quote name='mdgboxx' timestamp='1411233199' post='10153155']
Your wives may not be as jealous of your golf as you want to believe.

Could it be that the Lady in your life misses her boyfriend?

Remember, the one who made time for her? The one who included her in all of his conversations?

BEFORE she married and had children with him?
[/quote]WoW, this is some good s***!!

Md is a little further down the fairway than some of you, and this is like getting answers to the test for you younger guys who haven't taken the "test" yet. Though I wasn't married to her we were togethe for 9 years, first as a Pro/Am BB team, then BF/GF. She was as kind, sweet and understanding a Lady as one could hope to meet.

And I drop kicked our relationship all over the course.

As I said before, I literally lived at the club in '12, 7 days/week. Even when it rained, I would go down to the practice tee to practice hitting in inclement weather. Though she was a LPGA Master Professional, she was first asst at a very nice club on the other side of town, and as such, she would close up the shop about 8:30-9ish, when all the carts were in. She would usually swing by my club and by this time I was on the practice putting green. I used the darkness to work on my feel with my putts. She would usually join me for a putting contest then we'd head down over the hill to a neighborhood tavern for a bite to eat.

I had the world by the b**** in my mind. Business was good, I had a beautiful Woman who loved me and the icing on the cake was that we both had a deep Love for the game and along with being BB partners, she understood the time and effort that I put into my game.

However, what she didn't understand, and I obviously did not see, was my inability to communicate with her.

She didn't count talking about the best technique for using my 19°h off of the second cut of frog hair green side Nor did she count my quandary going with the long hybrid versus my Cally Steelhead + 5M- Here I am known as a good communicator and I couldn't talk to the person that I Loved more than anyone in my world- Unbeknownst to me, she had gone onto another site where I had a lot of posts and basically laid out a diary if you will, of my second bout with cancer. As she walked out the door that last time on January 7, 2013, she turned and said that she had learned much more about me in her two hours on this forum than she had in our nine years together.

And the worst of it was(or the best, depending) that she didn't care how much time I spent at the club practicing, playing or whatever. She was good with that. It was the lack of MEANINGFUL COMMUNICATION(meaningful to her Gents, not us )

So I guess what I'm trying to say is Md' words are Platinum!!

If you Love this woman and she is still the center of your universe and the most beautiful woman in your world, take the time, make the time, to talk with her!! And has also been mentioned above, LISTEN TO HER!! Dont just talk at her!

This is a friickin game. And not one of you loves this game more than I do, however I'd give it up in a heartbeat to have a relationship like Md, PeanutsDaddy, Kadrin or Joey2aces has.

In a frickin heartbeat!!

It's a game Fellas!

Great post Md

All The Best,
Richard
[/quote]

You said it very well and in more words than I would have.

I've been married 11 years and have played one 9 hold round this year. It was with my 7 yr old daughter and it was the most fun and rewarding round I have played in years! Priorities change and compromise is important in any relationship. A truth now that I never thought would come, I don't miss playing nearly as much as i thought i would.

If you talk with her, take her to dinner-something romantic and just to two of you, you may be able to get to the root of what her issue is with you playing so much golf. I'd bet she is lonely or misses you, both of which i would take very seriously.

If you both value the relationship you both will find a way to make it work.

[Forged4ever]

[quote name='Bigjim1022' timestamp='1411307025' post='10156705']
[quote name='Forged4ever' timestamp='1411245715' post='10153809']
[quote name='mdgboxx' timestamp='1411233199' post='10153155']
Your wives may not be as jealous of your golf as you want to believe.

Could it be that the Lady in your life misses her boyfriend?

Remember, the one who made time for her? The one who included her in all of his conversations?

BEFORE she married and had children with him?
[/quote]WoW, this is some good s***!!

Md is a little further down the fairway than some of you, and this is like getting answers to the test for you younger guys who haven't taken the "test" yet. Though I wasn't married to her we were togethe for 9 years, first as a Pro/Am BB team, then BF/GF. She was as kind, sweet and understanding a Lady as one could hope to meet.

And I drop kicked our relationship all over the course.

As I said before, I literally lived at the club in '12, 7 days/week. Even when it rained, I would go down to the practice tee to practice hitting in inclement weather. Though she was a LPGA Master Professional, she was first asst at a very nice club on the other side of town, and as such, she would close up the shop about 8:30-9ish, when all the carts were in. She would usually swing by my club and by this time I was on the practice putting green. I used the darkness to work on my feel with my putts. She would usually join me for a putting contest then we'd head down over the hill to a neighborhood tavern for a bite to eat.

I had the world by the b**** in my mind. Business was good, I had a beautiful Woman who loved me and the icing on the cake was that we both had a deep Love for the game and along with being BB partners, she understood the time and effort that I put into my game.

However, what she didn't understand, and I obviously did not see, was my inability to communicate with her.

She didn't count talking about the best technique for using my 19°h off of the second cut of frog hair green side Nor did she count my quandary going with the long hybrid versus my Cally Steelhead + 5M- Here I am known as a good communicator and I couldn't talk to the person that I Loved more than anyone in my world- Unbeknownst to me, she had gone onto another site where I had a lot of posts and basically laid out a diary if you will, of my second bout with cancer. As she walked out the door that last time on January 7, 2013, she turned and said that she had learned much more about me in her two hours on this forum than she had in our nine years together.

And the worst of it was(or the best, depending) that she didn't care how much time I spent at the club practicing, playing or whatever. She was good with that. It was the lack of MEANINGFUL COMMUNICATION(meaningful to her Gents, not us )

So I guess what I'm trying to say is Md' words are Platinum!!

If you Love this woman and she is still the center of your universe and the most beautiful woman in your world, take the time, make the time, to talk with her!! And has also been mentioned above, LISTEN TO HER!! Dont just talk at her!

This is a friickin game. And not one of you loves this game more than I do, however I'd give it up in a heartbeat to have a relationship like Md, PeanutsDaddy, Kadrin or Joey2aces has.

In a frickin heartbeat!!

It's a game Fellas!

Great post Md

All The Best,
Richard
[/quote]

You said it very well and in more words than I would have.
[/quote]That usually is the case with most of the Guys around here, lol

I'm good with it

Nice post Jim-

Have a great week

My Best,
Richard

[3sip]

Reminds me of an old story about a man who asked a woman to marry him. She said no and he played golf every day and lived happily ever after.

[GolfMonster09]

I'm really lucky in that my fiancé understands that I spend more time at the golf course than I do at home. She understands that it's part of my job to play golf with members, run tournaments, be visible, go to events, etc. She's good with it most of the time, but there are the times that she sends me a text saying that she'd like me home sooner rather than later, so sometimes I have to play 9 instead of 18.

We have been together for a while and she knows what my job entails, so I have been very lucky in that respect.

[moose557]

[quote name='Flip4000' timestamp='1411238961' post='10153461']
All kidding aside, as great as golf is, it's not worth sacrificing a marriage.

I would suggest u skip one or 2 weekends a month and spend time with her. It's not that you have do anything ridiculous but you have to show her that you are willing to sacrifice playing for her and that she really does mean more to you than playing golf.

I mean while we all know golf Is only a certain amount of months during the year, my guess is you have plenty of seasons and weekends to play left in your life.

I know it is tough to sacrifice weekends at the end of the season but it's worth it.

Remember good round of golf great but a good woman is priceless
[/quote]

If you and your wife or girlfriend have normal Monday- Friday jobs I really don't understand why there can't be a little give snd take and why someone can't golf every weekend. There's 48 hours in a weekend then another 6 or so on Friday night. So 54 hours. If you sleep 8 hours a night and 5 hours for golf that still leaves 34 hours where you can spend every minute together. Just plan something for you guys to do. Dinner at a nice restsusnt, a movie take a day trip the day you don't play. Maybe to the beach, or somewhere to hike or something you guys enjoy doing together. Every now and then plan a weekend away. Not every other week but maybe every couple months.

I don have kids, but obviously if their are children involved things are different t.

[gwlee7]

I too am very fortunate in this situation. When we first dating, I told my wife that the only thing she might get mad at me about is that I spend a lot of time at the golf course. She replied that "I better have something to do". As we got more serious, she actually began to appreciate that the course was exactly where I would be. I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I do not like strip clubs, and the only gambling I do is some small money games with my golf buddies that in no way affect the quality of our lives. She would often meet me after I played to hang out and eat dinner with some of the couples at the club.

Over time, she has even started playing some and we usually play nine on Sunday afternoons. It helps tremendously that when she wants to do something, that I am willing to do[b] whatever [/b]that might be. She typically wants to do something that is fun so that also helps a lot.

[Hot Rod 71]

My wife makes comments all the time about the time I spend on the golf course; always saying she is second in my life and golf is first. Some days she is right, but for the most part she is wrong.

She has a habit of only seeing what she wants to see. She is a nurse and spends many mornings after a 12 hour shift in bed until 11 or 12 relaxing and watching TV. I'm up at 6:30 or 7 every morning I'm off (career firefighter) drinking coffee and on the computer. That's about all I can do because I try not to disturb her precious down time.

By the time she gets up and moving around, I've been up for 4 hours or more. If I want to go play in the afternoon with friends she gets angry and says I don't want to spend time with her. I tell her to get out and bed and spend time with me. She doesn't see it that way.

I tell her she chooses to spend 4 hours in bed watching TV rather than with me, and that her choice is no different than me being gone for 4 hours in the afternoon playing golf. She doesn't see it that way.

The older I get the more I realize women love to manipulate and control men. I've gone 3 or 4 days in a row when she was off without going to the golf course to work, practice, or play. I spent that time with her, never mentioning golf. After a few days with her I set up a time with friends and got nothing but grief from her about it. Even after spending 3 or 4 straight days with her.

You're not alone OP.

"Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed." - Albert Einstein

[vbb]

I've said it in many different threads and many different ways, but if you are a married guy with a job, and especially if you are a married guy with a job and young kids, and ESPECIALLY if you are married, young kids and your wife also works outside of the home (this is my situation), then you basically have to choose ONE hobby and only one, and understand that your time is very limited. That said, I've played the most rounds I've ever played in 12yrs of golf this year partially because I've given up my other hobbies and have been much more efficient with my time at work and my household chores.

If your wife is not cool with you having one hobby and you are honestly making an effort in the other aspects of your life, then she's being incredibly selfish. I'm definitely not suggesting you divorce her or anything drastic, but there should be room in your life for one hobby even if it does take 4-5hrs at a time.

[Kaysquare]

As a woman who plays golf an average of 4-5 days a week, I'd be interested in hearing the wives' side of all these stories.

[Bigjim1022]

[quote name='vbb' timestamp='1411319746' post='10157497']
I've said it in many different threads and many different ways, but if you are a married guy with a job, and especially if you are a married guy with a job and young kids, and ESPECIALLY if you are married, young kids and your wife also works outside of the home (this is my situation), then you basically have to choose ONE hobby and only one, and understand that your time is very limited. That said, I've played the most rounds I've ever played in 12yrs of golf this year partially because I've given up my other hobbies and have been much more efficient with my time at work and my household chores.

If your wife is not cool with you having one hobby and you are honestly making an effort in the other aspects of your life, then she's being incredibly selfish. I'm definitely not suggesting you divorce her or anything drastic, but there should be room in your life for one hobby even if it does take 4-5hrs at a time.
[/quote]
This is a very good point. After working M-F 40-50 hrs, having a 7yr old and all the responsibilities that entails there isnt a lot of time left over. I have gotten to a point that I get more enjoyment watching my daughter with whatever she may be involved in than any enjoyment I get on the course.

Part of my truth is that I have realized that unless I committ some serious time, I won't be a whole lot better than I am now. I'm never going to be a pro or even a high level amateur and playing and sucking is just not fun. I don't have a serious amount of time to commit and frankly the desire isnt there. I sitll like to watch and talk about golf though. Maybe in a few more years when my daughter gets older I will play more, hoping to get her involved with the sport but not pushing.

All that is beside the OP original question though. Let me answer it this way. Communication is key and if you can get to the heart of her issue with you playing so much golf, all these posts are just a good read. Take some time, talk with her and more importantly LISTEN. IF you're not willing to listen, may as well end the marriage now.... which would solve the golf issue!

[Duffner's Waggle]

[quote name='Kaysquare' timestamp='1411325508' post='10157879']As a woman who plays golf an average of 4-5 days a week, I'd be interested in hearing the wives' side of all these stories. [/quote]

You should take out a personal ad, And then clear out your inbox.....you'd have suitors come runnin round here!

[Sean2]

In one respect starting golf as late as I did (50), may be fortunate. At that time we had been married 24 years, so it was really no big deal. Plus, she is involved in a lot of her own activities.

[mdgboxx]

[quote name='Kaysquare' timestamp='1411325508' post='10157879']
As a woman who plays golf an average of 4-5 days a week, I'd be interested in hearing the wives' side of all these stories.
[/quote]

Don't you get it?

The majority of the wives, as pictured in this thread, would rather throw the computer out the window instead of posting on this Forum.
Side Note:

My wife reads [u]most[/u] of the "rare" praises that I get....And [u]all[/u] of the bashing. We make it some sort of "fun read" for her. When she agrees with the bashers, (often) I get a laugh out of it.

[Hot Rod 71]

[quote name='Sean2' timestamp='1411329398' post='10158121']
In one respect starting golf as late as I did (50), may be fortunate. At that time we had been married 24 years, so it was really no big deal. [b]Plus, she is involved in a lot of her own activities.[/b]
[/quote]

That seems to be the big difference maker.

Wives with hobbies probably have a more liberal opinion of their husbands' hobbies.

My wife had friends and hobbies when we were dating and she was adamant about her time being her time and was very independent (she stressed how important her independence was).

Now she has no identifiable hobbies and rarely hangs out with her friends. I have encouraged her to find a hobby and have encouraged her to hang out with her friends more to no avail.

She's become a home body and wants me to be the same. We are only 43 and 42 years old. I'm not ready to spend all of my time on the couch or doing chores and yard work.