I’m sorry, but I had to write this

[GLF4EVR]

Soloman1 I am so very sorry to hear of your loss! However just your post tells me you have the character to make it thru this. One thing that I always believe that helps is talking about it & that is exactly what you are doing. Kind of a cliche but it is like AA, one day at a time. It will get better. Do not despair about everything you see reminding you of her. Actually cherish that. She will always be with you for the rest of your life.

 

The wife &I will have been together for 36 years on St. Patrick's Day. Right now she is just a couple of months short of 9 years with interstitial lung disease. Last winter (2016,2017), she had a bad case of pneumonia. The bug was totally resistant to antibiotics. She has to be on oxygen 24/7. She was basically bed ridden for 7-8 months. This winter she has done better, however she is still working at getting the "crap" out of her lungs. Her physician's totally go by what she wants to do as far as going on antibiotics for things this winter. They all feel she may eventually get back to not being so oxygen dependent because of how she keeps working at it. For the longest time.......she is the toughest person I have ever known.

 

Back during the previous winter, I was day to day on trying to prepare myself for what could happen. Many, many sleepless nights. So I can kind of relate to what you were going thru before it did happen. I feel there is no way we can actually even prepare ourselves for the actual loss. We just think we can because we are guys. Right now it does just boil down to one day at a time. Hang in there. Take some solace in you are not alone, there are others out there that want to share your grief. Take care!

[freddiec]

Please accept my deepest condolence. I am so sorry for the loss of your lovely wife. Nothing we say can make the pain go away, I hope in the coming months it will get easier to move on. Please know we are all thinking of you and are here to support you the best we can.

[tokeyb]

Peace and strength, Soloman. Peace and strength to you.

[HoldenCornfield]

Peter, this is sad, sad news. My heart is so heavy right now. I was in tears after reading your post and when I told my wife, she cried, too. I really regret now that we did not get to meet Jun when you came to Atlanta in 2014 to play golf with me. She sounds like a beautiful soul.

 

Cancer has taken my mother, two uncles, and two cousins before their time and has also hit myself, my brother, and my sister. It's a terrible, terrible thing to deal with.

 

We will be thinking of you, my friend.

[Blade Junkie]

Oh I am so sorry to hear this ... Jun sounds like a terrific lady. Sincere condolences and RIP Jun.

 

 

I found these words from Canon Henry Scott-Holland (1847-1918) very helpful when my mother died 3 years ago. I hope they help you too Solomon1.

 

 

 

Death is nothing at all.

I have only slipped away to the next room.

I am I and you are you.

Whatever we were to each other,

That, we still are.

 

Call me by my old familiar name.

Speak to me in the easy way

which you always used.

Put no difference into your tone.

Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed

at the little jokes we enjoyed together.

Play, smile, think of me. Pray for me.

Let my name be ever the household word

that it always was.

Let it be spoken without effect.

Without the trace of a shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant.

It is the same that it ever was.

There is absolute unbroken continuity.

Why should I be out of mind

because I am out of sight?

I am but waiting for you.

For an interval.

Somewhere. Very near.

Just around the corner.

 

All is well.

[Soloman1]

Hi Kevin,

 

Yes, she was a beautiful soul. She was the most unselfish person I've ever known. I will love her forever with all of my heart. I mustered all of the courage I could to be a rock for her throughout her last month, but I'm devastated now. I have no family left. I'm changing my will to give everything I have to the Hospice center here. They are true heroes.

 

I need to travel this year. Maybe we can have another round if I come to Atlanta?

[Subsonic]

Please accept my condolences. When a loved one passes, a small piece of us dies as well. That way they will never be alone.

 

Always remember the sound of her voice and it will bring you comfort.

[smorg]

Here's a photo of my wife, Jun.

 

 

 

She passed away this morning.

 

Jun was only 44 and she was my world.

 

Jun woke up every day with a smile. Even the days during her three times through chemotherapy. Even the days after her three surgeries.

 

Every person she met became her friend.

 

I was a lucky guy.

 

She couldn't talk the last few days, but she still struggled to give everyone a smile, even if it was just with her eyes.

 

I'm drowning.

 

We knew four weeks ago that this would happen. I thought I was all out of tears that she never saw. I've been awake every night, thinking about how to handle this unstoppable event.

 

I flew her family here from Japan and she was consoling them. That is how incredible Jun was.

 

I came home and was punched in the stomach with the realization that every room in the house is filled with her. She made this house and there's another in Japan filled with her.

 

The furniture, the photos, the pictures, the dishes, her shoes, her clothes, her makeup, her toothbrush, her sunglasses on the table, her cell phone in the kitchen - she's still everywhere.

 

It's all her, everywhere I go.

 

I don't know how people survive this. I have to move. And I have to go through this again with another house. How will I ever do it?

 

Sorry for this sad tale, but sometimes the world is just too cruel. She should still be here, smiling.

My condolences. She will always be looking down on you and will be there again at journey's end. God bless.

[cardoustie]

Hi Kevin,

 

Yes, she was a beautiful soul. She was the most unselfish person I've ever known. I will love her forever with all of my heart. I mustered all of the courage I could to be a rock for her throughout her last month, but I'm devastated now. I have no family left. I'm changing my will to give everything I have to the Hospice center here. They are true heroes.

 

I need to travel this year. Maybe we can have another round if I come to Atlanta?

 

I will host you just North of Toronto if you are up for it

[Maton12]

So sorry to hear of the passing of Jun

 

44 is way too young, but you had some time with her knowing what was coming - and whilst not easier, it's more than many get

 

All your fond memories will be there forever - everybody grieves differently, keep things where they are - or start afresh - there is no right or wrong answer

 

Thinking and praying for you to stay in the best head space you can be at this time

[terrell75]

Best wishes friend

[HoldenCornfield]

Hi Kevin,

 

Yes, she was a beautiful soul. She was the most unselfish person I've ever known. I will love her forever with all of my heart. I mustered all of the courage I could to be a rock for her throughout her last month, but I'm devastated now. I have no family left. I'm changing my will to give everything I have to the Hospice center here. They are true heroes.

 

I need to travel this year. Maybe we can have another round if I come to Atlanta?

 

Absolutely!

[mukster]

Man, just read this and it tore me up. So sorry for your loss.

[TimV]

Here's a photo of my wife, Jun.

 

...

 

I was a lucky guy.

 

 

Try to remember that. Some people never have it at all.

My heart breaks for you and you are in my 'prayers.'

[citizenfore]

I’m so sorry about your loss.

[anth]

So sorry for your loss. Strength to you in spades.

 

 

[wkuo3]

Words have little meaning at this time of sorrow , be strong.

[NEhomer]

Soloman, please accept my sincere condolences, even though we may not "know" you, thru this game and these old clubs you are our "brother". Prayers are headed your way and may God really lift you thru this difficult time in your life! MJ

 

What a wonderful sentiment. Allow me to repeat it.....God Bless you brother~

[double_d]

That's terrible news. I am so sorry.

 

It sounds like, based on your description, Jun would want you to find the strength to carry on no matter how hard it is.

[Soloman1]

Well, I’m leaving early tomorrow morning for Japan.

My wife’s birthday was Wednesday and she was also cremated then.

I went to a restaurant she liked Wednesday evening and kept a place setting for her across from me. The waitress was very understanding, and I had a small cake wth a candle on it for her.

 

She wanted so badly to live until her birthday.

 

I don’t have any family left, so I’m going through this struggle on my own. I miss her so much.

 

I want to thank all of you for allowing me to post this here and for all of the wonderful messages of support you’ve sent. I apologize I have not replied, I will when I return.

[SEP1006]

I am so sorry to hear that and there are no words to make you feel better as unfortunately I've been there. My wife passed ( she was 55 ) after 34 awesome years of marriage. She was my whole life and there are so many things I wish I could go back and do over. Just take it one day at a time and don't beat yourself up for things that you didn't get to do together or things that you would have done differently. She will always be in your heart.

[PeanutsDaddy]

Safe travels Soloman.

[Nick mrkonja]

I'm sorry for your loss brother. 20 years ago I lost my wife to cancer also. She was only 30. I didn't know if I could go on either. But time goes by and the hurt eases, but you never forget the good times.

[rangersgoalie]

Never apologize for those incredible thoughts of an obviously special woman.

Rely on all those you trust and know care for both of you, and never be too proud

To ask for help.

I wish there was something to say that would take some of the pain away. My wife had an accident

In January, and we dodged a bullet, and she is recovering.

 

I keep searching for something meaningful to write, but I'm sorry is all I can offer along with prayers for some comfort.

 

Take care of yourself in this time