A Single That Wants to Join Your Group...

[chippa13]

1 minute ago, Pepperturbo said:

Having been on the BOD of private clubs and oversight over TT spread, managing how slots are filled, it can be troublesome.  Lots of people want to play by themselves.  Golf is a social sport.  The worse culprits are 3-somes and man/woman couples.  Private or public, course management has to properly fill all tee slots with paying customers. 

 

Group outings are seen differently, having paid for many employee outings and tournaments.  Some time back I decided to test a theory.  When I checked in to pay for my wife and I, I said I'll pay for the other two slots as well, to insure they remain open and we could play by ourselves.  The guy behind the counter was a little perplexed and said he'd have to check with his manager.   I was pretty sure what was to happen.  The Head pro came out and asked for clarification.  I reiterated my desire.  He said, he was sorry but they can't do that.  He didn't have reason why, other than people want to play golf and four people are designated per Tee Time.  I said, fine, and two others were put with us.    

The problem for the course is that if they have to turn someone away because there are no open slots and then that person sees a twosome leave the first tee then it will lead to a negative impression of the course. If it isn't busy then there shouldn't be an issue since they can slot people in elsewhere.

[Emthree]

I couldn't turn the guy down. There's something about the golf course, makes me want to be friends with everyone ... as opposed to driving.

[LeoLeo99]

I went out as a single last night.  Teeing off 11 I saw a man/woman couple on the 13th tee.  I played around to 13 and saw a back up on the 14th tee so I circled back to the 11th tee again and played 11 and 12.  As I putted out on 12, I noticed this couple drive from the 16th green to the 13th tee and tee off in front of me.  I thought maybe they were lost but since I looped around a couple extra holes, figured they were doing the same.  Still, it was kind of rude for them to jump me like that but this course attracts very nice people so I was 50/50 if they were oblivious to etiquette or lost.  Bad golfers but very nice folks.  I asked if I could join them and teed off 13, hit the green and they were happy for me.  Often guys playing with the wife don't like company and I wouldn't have asked except they jumped in front of me.  They were so nice.   We get to the 14th tee and it dawned on them they'd played this hole before and exclaimed, "Hey, this isn't the 18th hole!"  We laughed and they drove off to find the 17th tee.  I was happy the way I handled it.  

 

Some folks are very uncomfortable playing through.  Some see playing through as ruder than joining up.  I've also been turned down as a single on the first tee after the starter told me to join a threesome.  They said they wanted to play alone and the starter sent me out ahead of them.  On a full tee sheet.  I don't play that course often and it's only 10 minutes from my house.

[Augster]

If a player comes up to us, I’d ask if he wants to join or play through. 
 

To tell a guy to play through when he wants to join up is just weird, and rude. You have money on the line??? That’s the weakest excuse I’ve ever read. I have money on the line every single round I play. It’s up to you and your friends to cut the guy into your money game or not. There is no etiquette framework there, but again, the right thing to do is to offer. 
 

Firstly, golf is a social sport. Secondly, perhaps he’s new to the area and is looking for other golfers to play with regularly. If I had to play as a single every day, I’d play maybe 3 rounds a year. Boring. Lastly, in the US, to post your score, you need to play with others. You can’t post as a single. Perhaps he just wanted a postable round to make his time out there worth it. 
 

Always give the option to join or play through. A stranger is just a friend you haven’t met. Especially on the golf course. 99.99% of random players that  I have played in with or have played in with us, I’d definitely play with again. In general, golfers are good people. 

[chippa13]

I posted my "paired by the clubhouse and given the runaround by the threesome on the first tee" story in another thread. Usually, when guys act like they don't want you around, it turns out in the end that you're better off for not being around them.

 

"But we had a money game going." Translation: "But we're kind of d1cks and don't like other people."

[sailfishchris]

All I got out of this was Jesus doesn't want me in his foursome! LOL!..... Oh and play through!

[Mcgeeno]

If they paired us up on the first hole he's gonna have a good time with my usual buddies and have friends for golf forever.

 

If he came ripping up mid round I'd give him the choice. Not in a dickish way at all but if he's trying to finish quick or isnt feeling the vibe he could scoot on ahead.

 

I've met some of my best golf buddies via random pairings. I'm open to either side of this discussion.

 

About 11 years ago I was a new member in a new town who didnt know anyone. And one group let me join them for a mens night one time. Its all it took to make good friends.

[ArtMBgolf]

8 hours ago, Pepperturbo said:

Having been on the BOD of private clubs and oversight over TT spread, managing how slots are filled, it can be troublesome.  Lots of people want to play by themselves.  Golf is a social sport.  The worse culprits are 3-somes and man/woman couples.  Private or public, course management has to properly fill all tee slots with paying customers.  Singles are a challenge

 

Some time back I decided to test a theory.  When I checked in to pay for my wife and I, I said I'll pay for the other two slots as well, to insure they remain open and we could play by ourselves.  The guy behind the counter was a little perplexed and said he'd have to check with his manager.   I was pretty sure what was to happen.  The Head pro came out and asked for clarification.  I reiterated my desire.  He said, he was sorry but they can't do that.  He didn't have reason why, other than people want to play golf and four people are designated per Tee Time.  I said, fine, and two others were put with us.    

I think the course didn't have a rule for someone buying up extra spots in the tee time. 
It looks bad for the course, sending 2 out on a packed course, but you bought out the 
spots, so it should be aloud.   A quit way to do that is book online as a foursome, pay for 4, 
then don't say anything and act like they will join you if they arrive.   I have not tried it, but 
odds are good it won't be filled.  Don't expect a raincheck.    
  
When joining others as a single, if I book online, I look for a twosome.  They are more used 
to being joined than a threesome, who may usually have 4. Then if another single joins us, 
we have something in common.    When the others don't seem too happy to be joined,
they usually warm up after they find out that you aren't the single 
that will ruin their day.           

[jomatty]

13 hours ago, Pepperturbo said:

Having been on the BOD of private clubs and oversight over TT spread, managing how slots are filled, it can be troublesome.  Lots of people want to play by themselves.  Golf is a social sport.  The worse culprits are 3-somes and man/woman couples.  Private or public, course management has to properly fill all tee slots with paying customers.  Singles are a challenge

 

Group outings are seen differently, having paid for many employee outings and tournaments.  Some time back I decided to test a theory.  When I checked in to pay for my wife and I, I said I'll pay for the other two slots as well, to insure they remain open and we could play by ourselves.  The guy behind the counter was a little perplexed and said he'd have to check with his manager.   I was pretty sure what was to happen.  The Head pro came out and asked for clarification.  I reiterated my desire.  He said, he was sorry but they can't do that.  He didn't have reason why, other than people want to play golf and four people are designated per Tee Time.  I said, fine, and two others were put with us.    

This has been hard for my wife to get used to.  She just started playing less than a year ago.  She is 50, not very athletic, and more comfortable playing with just me...I’ve never thought about paying for the other slots, and am not sure I could afford it, but it is an idea.  Usually we just start with a foursome and if the groups in front get ahead of us then we just let the other two go on.  If the course sends us out by ourselves I certainly don’t feel obligated to ask anyone else to join, but am very liberal with letting singles, or fast moving groups play through (my wife is on the slow side)

[North Butte]

I am fine playing by myself or playing with other people. And generally speaking I don't mind having an additional person I don't know playing along with a group of me and my friends.

 

That said, as a member of a private club it is most certainly my right to choose who to play with or not play with during a given round. If someone asks to join my group, there is nothing in the world wrong with saying no. That decision is up to my group.

 

If you're paying for a tee time at a public course, you only bought your own slot. you don't own the opening and it's the course's prerogative to fill it as they like. Or you can buy it yourself.

 

But the notion that private club members are obliged to add anyone who asks into their group is preposterous. Even more so if they come up to you in mid-round. There are all sort of possible reasons for a group of golfers to play together on a given day. Not all of them are compatible with a random stranger barging in after five or six holes.

 

And it has to be said, there are a few people (for me it's very, very few) with whom playing golf is simply not enjoyable. Whether because they have no idea where their ball is going, they lack consideration for other golfers in some way that drives me batty, they play really slowly or sprint ahead of the group or (again, this is rare) they are simply extremely annoying individuals.

 

If I'm enjoying a sociable or competitive round with a couple friends, I am not in a position to know whether some random interloper is a normal, pleasant playing companion or if he might be among that 1% of golfers who ruins the round for everyone. 

[chippa13]

But golf doesn't have an exclusion problem.

[Augster]

13 minutes ago, chippa13 said:

But golf doesn't have an exclusion problem.

This. 
 

Remind me again why country clubs are so great? 🙂

 

I would think you’d be MORE obligated to let a single play in with your group at a CC. You’re all going to see each other over and over. You’re all members at the same place. You all share the same locker room. 
 

Seems like a bad idea to make it awkward going forward. 

[Hateto3Putt]

Augster writes: "Always give the option to join or play through. A stranger is just a friend you haven’t met. Especially on the golf course. 99.99% of random players that  I have played in with or have played in with us, I’d definitely play with again. In general, golfers are good people."

 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^THIS^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

 

WTF is wrong with you people dismissing strangers as some sort of pariah?

 

I've been on both sides of the scenario multiple times and can only remember one time I was hooked up with a jerk. Compare that to the hundreds of times I met some really wonderful people.

 

Just about every round I play is for money, I've yet to have a game upset by a stranger.

 

One of the most memorable hookups was a round in Nassau (the Bahamas, not the wager) when as a solo, I was joined with a young couple who had eloped. That evening, my Wife and I were their wedding witnesses/guests/photographer.

 

If there's an issue with you getting paired up, maybe the problem isn't with the stranger...

[North Butte]

I don't know what kind of idealized, dreamy image of a country club you guys are operating under.

 

Just as an aside, I'd say about 20% of the members of my club have a locker in the locker room. There's some old guys who play cards in there a couple times a week and I have a locker to store a few spare golf balls and to stash my phone and wallet while I'm playing but our locker room even before COVID was never a place where you're going to be interacting much with other members (and with COVID now it sits completely unusued).

 

But on the main point, there are all sorts of people who don't join up with each other on the course. Married couples who only play with each other. Groups of women who play together and who would not welcome a man joining up. Likewise for men's groups. There's a bunch of single-digit handicappers who have dogfights a couple times a week and a 17hcp like me would be totally unwelcome (not that I'd want to play in that game anyway). And there are many, many long-standing twosomes, threesomes and foursomes who play together certain days a week and other people would not ask to join them on a random day.

 

Years ago I was a member at a club in another town that had the sort of culture you must be thinking of. It was a norm there for most groups of members to go out of their way to pair up with singles. Even there, a lot of singles still chose to play solo of course. And even there I knew of a few groups who kept themselves to themselves and that's at the friendliest club I've ever seen.

 

Signing up to be a member of a country club does not entail some sort of pledge to play golf with anyone and everyone who is a member. Then again, I don't choose my dentist or my lawyer from among members of my club either although I guess some people do.

[Greenie]

I'm one to think every situation dictates how it should be handled. I go out as a single a lot. There are times I ask others to join me and there are times I offer to let them play through. I never take insult to someone that does not want to play with me or feel bad if I don't want to join them. 

 

If I was playing a money game in a threesome I don't think having a single join would be fun for us or them.

 

I recently set up a foursome with three buddies. We use to play together we when worked together. It had been ten yrs. since our layoff and we all went our separate ways. One couldn't make it so it was a threesome and this single wanted to play with us on the second hole. We explained to him our situation and that we had a lot of catching up to do. He said he understood and wanted to join us anyway instead of playing through. By the sixth hole he got mad and said he felt unwelcomed. Well I'm sorry.. We were nice to him but we really wanted to talk about old times and what was new in our lives and we did. 

 

Thinking of others is how I look at it. Each person has their own thing going on at the course and I don't question if you want to play with me or not and you shouldn't question if I do or don't want you to join up with me. Most of the time I'm at the course with open arms but there are times I'm not there to socialize.

Edited October 17, 2020 by Greenie

[Lincoln_Arcadia]

On 10/15/2020 at 8:07 PM, straightshot7 said:

Yeah thanks. I think that's why I felt bad because he seemed really dejected by it. And it made me go gosh, life is bigger than golf so if I am hurting this guys' feelings then it is not even worth it. But also I want to be true to our group and what we want as well.

Seems like everyone agrees it's not really normal to expect a group to want you to join. That's how I felt also. 

There are many reasons he might have “looked” dejected. What you said was fine.

[North Butte]

 

1 hour ago, Lincoln_Arcadia said:

There are many reasons he might have “looked” dejected. What you said was fine.

I've not encountered it at my club but at public courses I've definitely met golfers who a) don't have anyone to play with and b) don't like to play by themselves. At the semi-private course where I played my first 10 years after taking up the game there seemed to be a fair number of them. They'd show up alone and hang around until they found another single or twosome to join up with.

 

I was usually playing as a single myself and I'd always join up if someone wanted. Never bothered me much although there was one guy who was kind of infamous for joining up and then wanting to be your new best friend, sharing personal information, prompting you to do the same. He was kind of sad and creepy but easy enough to ignore the couple times I played with him.

 

But even at that public course, when I was playing with groups we would welcome "outsiders" to join in and put their five bucks in the pot before we started but we would definitely had said no to someone who wanted to join in mid-round while the game was already under way. There's just no reason to have a non participant barge in on a friendly competition like that. 

[Pepperturbo]

10 hours ago, jomatty said:

This has been hard for my wife to get used to.  She just started playing less than a year ago.  She is 50, not very athletic, and more comfortable playing with just me...I’ve never thought about paying for the other slots, and am not sure I could afford it, but it is an idea.  Usually we just start with a foursome and if the groups in front get ahead of us then we just let the other two go on.  If the course sends us out by ourselves I certainly don’t feel obligated to ask anyone else to join, but am very liberal with letting singles, or fast moving groups play through (my wife is on the slow side)

 

My wife took up the game around 40 at a private club.  They drill pace of play into everyone, especially women. LOL  My wife and her girlfriends play faster than some of their husbands my male friends.  I normally set up a TT/2 and tell the starter it's OK to put others with us, makes PoP easier.

Edited October 17, 2020 by Pepperturbo

[HatsForBats]

On 10/16/2020 at 3:46 PM, chippa13 said:

I don't think I've even been in a group where we've rejected someone who asked to join up at any point on the course. But then my mentality is usually the more the merrier. I've also had plenty of times where I've joined up with guys either at the first tee or somewhere out on the course. Many of those times the guys who knew each other had money games or some kind of competition going on and that didn't stop them from letting me play along, sometimes joining their game and other times as an amused bystander playing my own game.

 

I think one of the most fun rounds I had this year was being on the course with a friend of mine who likes to play a stroke game for bragging rights. We had another couple of guys join us and they wound up being our own little 2 person gallery as they played along with us. We all spent the day laughing and ribbing each other. They'd cheer one of our good shots and hoot and holler a little bit if the other guy outdid him. They'd switch allegiances depending on who was up, it was just a super fun day on the course.

Agreed. Countless times I have joined up with a twosome or threesome even when there are holes open ahead. I usually don't have anywhere I need to be and mostly no place I would rather be than on a golf course. No need to rush through it for me. I would say 99.5% of the time it is a great experience. Especially when they have a game going and you can get in a subtle jab when someone is getting a little cocky and ends up going a little wayward.

 

It's a different world these days though. strange times, strange people.

[Lincoln_Arcadia]

6 hours ago, North Butte said:

 

I've not encountered it at my club but at public courses I've definitely met golfers who a) don't have anyone to play with and b) don't like to play by themselves. At the semi-private course where I played my first 10 years after taking up the game there seemed to be a fair number of them. They'd show up alone and hang around until they found another single or twosome to join up with.

 

I was usually playing as a single myself and I'd always join up if someone wanted. Never bothered me much although there was one guy who was kind of infamous for joining up and then wanting to be your new best friend, sharing personal information, prompting you to do the same. He was kind of sad and creepy but easy enough to ignore the couple times I played with him.

 

But even at that public course, when I was playing with groups we would welcome "outsiders" to join in and put their five bucks in the pot before we started but we would definitely had said no to someone who wanted to join in mid-round while the game was already under way. There's just no reason to have a non participant barge in on a friendly competition like that. 

 

Sure, either accepting the player or rejecting but allowing him to play through are both equally valid. It’s not really your responsibility to play with strangers unless the course requires it?

 

The only valid reason to play with others is that the handicap system requires witnesses, but most people don’t sign scorecards anyway. I’ve had people who clearly subtracted several stroke from their scores ask me to sign. No problem. If they took 5 putts per hole, I would likely tell them I don’t remember what they shot.

 

Other than that, you should be comfortable playing your round.

[straightshot7]

Yeah I really think it's a gray area, dependent on the situation.

 

What I didn't put in the OP is that my playing partner already saw the guy coming and said "oh great, I bet this guy wants to play with us" (sarcastically).. . so he obviously didn't want him to join.

 

Of course there have been times where I met great (strangers) future friends on the course. 

 

I think the only mistake here is thinking there is a hard and fast rule on this.

 

When you start telling me I'm a bad person if I don't want a single to join, when there are 5 empty holes ahead, then sorry I'm not going to agree with that. 

 

If I was the single I would be elated to go play those 5 empty holes. Hence my surprise when he wasn't. 

 

Many people are introverts or enjoy their private group. If the course doesn't require them to have a 4th, and if there are open holes ahead, who are you to tell them they must take on the random single on the 6th hole?

 

Edited October 18, 2020 by straightshot7

[Noles]

On 10/15/2020 at 10:45 PM, straightshot7 said:

A couple of friends and I have a cool little group (a threesome) that tries to play golf together once per week. We play a skins match and we all know each other pretty well and have a certain dynamic and conversation on the course. If possible, we would rather play with just the three of us or maybe a fourth person that we know.

 

A couple times recently, a single in a cart seems to rush their way up and ask to join us. It's like uhh, okay. That's what they want. They went out of their way to catch up to us to ask if they could join us. Once it was after we had already hit out tee shots. We say yes, but frankly it makes our time together less fun.

 

So, is it okay to tell a single that you would rather they just play through?

 

Today we were on a course in the afternoon where there was no one in front of us, and here comes this single. He rushes up in a cart on like the 6th hole, and says "you don't mind if I join you do you?"...

 

I say, "Honestly we're doing a skins game for money and if you wouldn't mind just playing through that'd probably be better. There's no one in front of us"...

 

The guy seem to be offended and even said at one point he would just wait and play behind us...huh? Eventually he agreed to play through and went ahead of us.

 

I felt bad for him but at the same time we pay a lot of money to play and if there's no one in front or behind us we would rather play as a threesome.

 

If the course pairs you with other people obviously that's one thing.

 

But all the times I've gone to the course as a single, I expect to play alone unless I'm paired with people. And I take it as an opportunity to zip around and play multiple balls and practice. 

 

I would not drive up to a group purposefully and try to join them without an invitation.

 

I guess I just feel bad for telling the guy we didn't want him to join us. But both of my playing partners felt the same way. Am I a jerk or do you feel my pain that'd you'd rather just play with your friends if the course is wide open?

Country Club or public course?

[Pepperturbo]

Every time I have been part of a undetermined number of players playing though the group in front, that hole and the following ordinarily means stinky bogie.  I feel if we're jumping ahead it's our responsibility to play fast enough it doesn't slow the people we just played though.  As a result, I feel rushed, to the point errors occur.  For that reason, I rather accept pace of play and keep my game flowing over hurrying and collecting a few bogies.

 

As for being the single that joins a group, I just play my game and not bother the others.  I don't recall the the last time as a single I played completely by myself, and felt the need to rush though groups in front of me.  Besides, here in SOCA tee sheets are normally filled so there's no where to go, anyway.

Edited October 19, 2020 by Pepperturbo