Golfing with women who aren't your spouse?

[Imp]

Not telling her is *not* lying as jkc-rva said though (that's really absurd, but maybe a female point of view?), because would it be lying if it were a male agent that asked you? No. Changing the gender doesn't change it to a lie. That's just some twisted sense of reality there.

 

I would mention it to her that it's the agent that sold the house, knew you liked golf and put the offer out there for this nice course, because it is outside of your normal social circle, as if it were a male agent. It's golf. It's capable of being played at the same time by men and women. It won't be the last time that you tee it up with a female.

 

If your wife is insecure about your commitment to her, then you and her have bigger issues than going out to play golf with someone outside of your normal social circle. If you have to ask permission, same thing... big problems.

 

--kC

 

I mostly agree with the majority of what you have posted both here and further down the page. But I highly disagree that not telling the spouse isn't a form of lying. By not telling his spouse, the OP is, in essence, admitting something is inappropriate with the arrangement. Would he be so hesitant to tell his spouse if the real estate agent were male?

 

Lack of action is indeed a poor form of action but an action nonetheless. Lying by omission is likewise, an action and shows a lack of respect for the other person in the relationship. A marriage is baseless and doomed without respect. And who would be inserting the lack of respect into the relationship in this scenario?

That was my point. Would it be lying if it were a male agent and was asked and didn't say anything? No. "Going to play golf". "K, have fun." Why does gender turn it from not lying to lying?

 

--kC

 

Respect for the marriage as well as the marital partner would be the difference. If the agents husband asked the OP's wife out for coffee and she accepted without either telling the spouse, would the scenario change?

 

Semantics I guess but deceit is deceit regardless of gender.

Ok, I see where you're going. Note that I never advocated withholding the info. :) In fact, I specifically said it should be mentioned. The reaction to that mentioning (which is different from asking for permission) is where I drew the inference that if there's a problem with it, they need help. :)

 

I disagree, tho, that not mentioning it is lying... why? Because in a good sturdy relationship, it shouldn't matter what gender he plays golf with nor are my actions under scrutiny (unless it were a criminal, or ex girlfriend... or money/gambling then I can understand the resistance by the spouse). When it doesn't matter, there's no deception, no lying, no nothing. It's a non-issue.

 

But by your stance, your relationships, it appears you/others are required to mention to the spouse your actions, and justify them beforehand. And THEN when you don't? THEN it's a lie. I can see that.

 

But a in a good relationship, there should be zero requirement, but more of a "FYI". But the FYI can be afterwards too, because it doesn't matter when you're in a stable relationship. See the difference? :)

 

--kC

[SixtySomePing]

I wonder how many wonderful women have had their lives shattered after hearing their husbands say "then one thing lead to another..." ?

[Imp]

I wonder how many wonderful women have had their lives shattered after hearing their husbands say "then one thing lead to another..." ?

Like any romance novel, but reverse the genders? :lol:

 

--kC

[TheKrushh]

Do what you normally would. My wife knows some of my friends that I golf with and not others. She will always ask who I'm playing with and when I tell her, she says huh and then we carry on with life. When I tell her I'm playing with a lady, it's the same reaction. I think it looks weird if you never tell her and then you make a big deal about telling her this one time. You're golfing in public, it's not like this lady asked you to go bikini shopping with her.

[TheKrushh]

Also, nothing will happen inappropriate on the first time golfing. If the REA is quite flirty, wants to drink hard, and then invites you back, then you may want to distance a little bit. Remember, you're in this to play that nice course! Right?

[PostandGhost]

If I were in the OP's situation and there was an inappropriate moment with the real estate agent, I would absolutely tell my wife everything that happened but I would never ever tell her I went to play golf.

[Matt J]

Take the wife. She rides in the golf car with you. Problem solved.

Funny story. Was down in Hilton Head last week. Most of the courses on the island were closed because damage, forcing everyone else to find other avenues. As a single, I set up a tee time that was available with a 3some. I show up to the course, in their system as a 3 + me.

 

The threesome shows up, with 4 people in the carts. "Oh, my wife rides along, doesn't play." That did NOT go over well with the course, as they are short on/run out of carts due to the higher than average play they have been seeing. I ended up going out with a 2some a half hour later. I mentioned that I wasn't happy either because I signed up for that time (and they wouldn't let three carts out for the same group). Got a free round out of it at least, but it cost the course money.

 

My advice? Spouse doesn't play? Spouse stays home or does whatever spouses do when the other plays golf.

 

--kC

 

It never occurred to any of the 5 of you to strap the clubs on the cart and at least one person walk? If it's a long green to tee you can always jump on the back. I don't want to deter any attention from this very sexy real estate agent (also being a sexy real estate agent myself), but this doesn't seem like splitting an atom. Who wants to go to the golf course and sit in the cart looking at their phone anyways? At least get some exercise.

 

Honestly, I play as a single all the time and I think this would be best case scenario. Don't have to talk to the stranger and he caddies for you with a motorized cart. Perfect.

[Sixcat]

Not telling her is *not* lying as jkc-rva said though (that's really absurd, but maybe a female point of view?), because would it be lying if it were a male agent that asked you? No. Changing the gender doesn't change it to a lie. That's just some twisted sense of reality there.

 

I would mention it to her that it's the agent that sold the house, knew you liked golf and put the offer out there for this nice course, because it is outside of your normal social circle, as if it were a male agent. It's golf. It's capable of being played at the same time by men and women. It won't be the last time that you tee it up with a female.

 

If your wife is insecure about your commitment to her, then you and her have bigger issues than going out to play golf with someone outside of your normal social circle. If you have to ask permission, same thing... big problems.

 

--kC

 

I mostly agree with the majority of what you have posted both here and further down the page. But I highly disagree that not telling the spouse isn't a form of lying. By not telling his spouse, the OP is, in essence, admitting something is inappropriate with the arrangement. Would he be so hesitant to tell his spouse if the real estate agent were male?

 

Lack of action is indeed a poor form of action but an action nonetheless. Lying by omission is likewise, an action and shows a lack of respect for the other person in the relationship. A marriage is baseless and doomed without respect. And who would be inserting the lack of respect into the relationship in this scenario?

That was my point. Would it be lying if it were a male agent and was asked and didn't say anything? No. "Going to play golf". "K, have fun." Why does gender turn it from not lying to lying?

 

--kC

 

Respect for the marriage as well as the marital partner would be the difference. If the agents husband asked the OP's wife out for coffee and she accepted without either telling the spouse, would the scenario change?

 

Semantics I guess but deceit is deceit regardless of gender.

Ok, I see where you're going. Note that I never advocated withholding the info. :) In fact, I specifically said it should be mentioned. The reaction to that mentioning (which is different from asking for permission) is where I drew the inference that if there's a problem with it, they need help. :)

 

I disagree, tho, that not mentioning it is lying... why? Because in a good sturdy relationship, it shouldn't matter what gender he plays golf with nor are my actions under scrutiny (unless it were a criminal, or ex girlfriend... or money/gambling then I can understand the resistance by the spouse). When it doesn't matter, there's no deception, no lying, no nothing. It's a non-issue.

 

But by your stance, your relationships, it appears you/others are required to mention to the spouse your actions, and justify them beforehand. And THEN when you don't? THEN it's a lie. I can see that.

 

But a in a good relationship, there should be zero requirement, but more of a "FYI". But the FYI can be afterwards too, because it doesn't matter when you're in a stable relationship. See the difference? :)

 

--kC

 

No, I still don't "see the difference". What I do see is what you call permission, I call respect. Again, semantics! I have never once, in the 20 plus year history of my relationship with my wife, asked her permission for anything and vice versa. Nor do I feel some requirement to do so. For myself, its just common courtesy! I do, however, discuss everything with my wife as does she. To further the examples, I wouldn't go buy a car without first discussing it with my wife. It sounds as if, by your perspective, I would be asking "permission" to purchase a new car. Either way, it doesn't matter to me. The health, happiness and well being of my family are more important than machismo.

 

For the record, I have also played golf on a number of occasions with members of the opposite sex, this past Sunday being one. In those instances I have always shown my wife the common courtesy of full disclosure. She has never taken issue with my golf habits nor with whom I play golf with. A healthy relationship is open, honest, forthright and forthcoming. Withholding information is deceitful and purposeful.

 

It simply isn't an apples to apples comparison, in my opinion!

[Matt J]

Do you tell your wife every time a woman hits on you?

 

Does your wife tell you every time a man hits on her?

 

My wife would think I was a lunatic if I told her every time I played golf with a woman. Actually she would probably start thinking I was cheating on her. Eureka.

[2bGood]

Do you tell your wife every time a woman hits on you?

 

Does your wife tell you every time a man hits on her?

 

 

My wife would think I was a lunatic if I told her every time I played golf with a woman. Actually she would probably start thinking I was cheating on her. Eureka.

 

I am an old, fat, bald man - I tell anyone who will listen when a woman hits on me. :swoon:

[harolease]

My wife is okay with me golfing with any woman as long as I'm not giving up any extra strokes on the side during my match.

[DavePelz4]

Do you tell your wife every time a woman hits on you?

 

Does your wife tell you every time a man hits on her?

 

 

My wife would think I was a lunatic if I told her every time I played golf with a woman. Actually she would probably start thinking I was cheating on her. Eureka.

 

I am an old, fat, bald man - I tell anyone who will listen when a woman hits on me. :swoon:

 

A woman gave me her number last week and I told Mrs. Pelz. She immediately asked for the number, called the woman and told her where she could pick me and my stuff up. She also offered her $50 for gas money.

[sheppy335]

I say tell her, if your wife knows you she will let you go cause golf is golf. Honestly is always the best route.

 

 

So what did the wife say when you told her?

[eebomb]

So when is this going down?

[Matt J]

This is the kind of thread that has to have some follow up.

 

OP?

[Forged4ever]

Man up Bro....

 

If your intentions are innocent and thoughts pure, than tell her and deal with her reaction.

 

This is the woman that you took to Love & to Cherish, through the good times and the bad, through sickness and health, right?

 

As has been mentioned above me, if the situation were reversed and she was doing something with an attractive guy and didn't tell you, how would you feel?

 

You're at an intersection that will determine how you handle this type of thing in the future and I don't give a s*** what you tell me cuz I've seen and heard it all through my friends and how you handle this will tell you just how much you Love and Cherish your wife.

 

Is your marriage built on sand or granite?

 

The road is tough enough without lettin your lil head think for your big head ;)

 

You're one of my favorite guys on the board regardless of how ya conduct yourself, I just spoke to you exactly as I did my BFF Dave when he was in a similar situation. I love him like a Bro, we've been through thick and thin since we were 12yo however when it comes to women, the only brains in his body are in his lil head, lol.

 

Man up Bro...

 

All the Best,

RP

[Bomber_11]

Update:

 

I told the wife. I explained to her that it was a course I've been wanting to play, and it was an opportunity to further increase my professional network. She was perfectly okay with it. After the round was over, we all 3 met up at a local brewery for a few drinks.

 

Played 9 holes, I shot 37 she shot 42.

 

Her and the wife talked to each other 3x the amount anyone talked to me at the brewery - which I didn't mind.

 

When we got home the wife thanked me for a fun evening out - and also thanked me for notifying her of my plans.

 

Thanks for the advice Wrxers :)

[Forged4ever]

Update:

I told the wife.

Very Nicely Played Bro!!!

 

Have a great evening :)

 

My Best,

Richard

[MadGolfer76]

Hmmm...interesting thread, this.

 

Last month I had two surgeries (you know, the ones I've been bitchin' about for the last month) and was flat on my back in bed for three weeks. I'd never experienced being completely helpless before. I couldn't care for myself, let alone be a parent to my 6 year old daughter. To boot, all this happened while we were moving into a new house in a new town. That means my wife ended up dealing with the movers, packing up and unpacking the entire house (which I could hear her doing the whole time while lying in bed), enrolling my daughter in school, arranging after school care, getting the cable, electric, gas, etc. all hooked up, paying the bills...while also taking care of her newly pathetic husband who couldn't even reach around to wipe his own a**.

 

All of this on top of working a full time job taking care of 8-10 elderly hospice patients on their final nine.

 

You don't fully understand the meaning of love and commitment until you have had to rely on your partner to feed you, bath you, and tend to all your Earthly matters when you can't. It isn't something that many newlyweds have to experience, I don't believe - it is a test of commitment when you see your partner in their weakest and least flattering moments. These kind of events have an endearing quality to them that move past simple matters of loving someone (as profound as that can be) or "staying faithful." I've played golf with all kinds of gals young and old, but the reason I am with my wife is because of something a four letter word doesn't adequately describe.

 

Hats off to Mrs. MadGolfer, gents. :hi:

[KYMAR]

So what's the decision man, are you gonna hit that New course or what?

 

 

[Forged4ever]

So what's the decision man, are you gonna hit that New course or what?

Welcome Back Bro!!!

 

Always,

Richard

[Imp]

So what's the decision man, are you gonna hit that New course or what?

Whoa!!! 1st Swanry and now you? Most excellent. :)

 

--kC

[Imp]

You don't fully understand the meaning of love and commitment until you have had to rely on your partner to feed you, bath you, and tend to all your Earthly matters when you can't. It isn't something that many newlyweds have to experience, I don't believe - it is a test of commitment when you see your partner in their weakest and least flattering moments. These kind of events have an endearing quality to them that move past simple matters of loving someone (as profound as that can be) or "staying faithful." I've played golf with all kinds of gals young and old, but the reason I am with my wife is because of something a four letter word doesn't adequately describe.

Yep. I know exactly that. I only hope I can do the same for her. :lol: (It's a joke folks).

 

--kC

[Tcann32]

This is relatively similar to the topic of being "allowed" to golf, but it involves the two things she's probably most envious of: You're favorite hobby, and other women.

 

I'd look at it this way: If she were to somehow find out, and you didn't tell her, then you're really in for it. I', very familiar with the whole thought process of: "not wanting to start a fight, so I just don't say anything." and I've sworn that off. It doesn't ever help anything. Be upfront and honest, and go anyways. lol.

 

OP, it's just a really stupid thing to lose trust over, and even though it's harmless, lying about it doesn't make it seem so harmless.

 

What does this real estate agent look like, anyways? ;) a beautiful golf course with a beautiful woman is a top notch way to spend a day, unless you have a wife.. lol

 

If she's not your age and it's an incredibly unlikely situation in your wife's eyes, you'll be good. Basically, what she looks like is going to be the deciding factor, should you decide to be honest. lol.

[Imp]

This is relatively similar to the topic of being "allowed" to golf, but it involves the two things she's probably most envious of: You're favorite hobby, and other women.

 

I'd look at it this way: If she were to somehow find out, and you didn't tell her, then you're really in for it. I', very familiar with the whole thought process of: "not wanting to start a fight, so I just don't say anything." and I've sworn that off. It doesn't ever help anything. Be upfront and honest, and go anyways. lol.

 

OP, it's just a really stupid thing to lose trust over, and even though it's harmless, lying about it doesn't make it seem so harmless.

 

What does this real estate agent look like, anyways? ;) a beautiful golf course with a beautiful woman is a top notch way to spend a day, unless you have a wife.. lol

 

If she's not your age and it's an incredibly unlikely situation in your wife's eyes, you'll be good. Basically, what she looks like is going to be the deciding factor, should you decide to be honest. lol.

Did you see the part where he played, wife met up later and they had drinks and (shocker) the girls talked more than he did? :) Could be a good friendship brewing. Always nice to meet friendly people in a new area it seems everything is coming up Milhouse!

 

--kC

[nikegal]

This is relatively similar to the topic of being "allowed" to golf, but it involves the two things she's probably most envious of: You're favorite hobby, and other women.

 

I'd look at it this way: If she were to somehow find out, and you didn't tell her, then you're really in for it. I', very familiar with the whole thought process of: "not wanting to start a fight, so I just don't say anything." and I've sworn that off. It doesn't ever help anything. Be upfront and honest, and go anyways. lol.

 

OP, it's just a really stupid thing to lose trust over, and even though it's harmless, lying about it doesn't make it seem so harmless.

 

What does this real estate agent look like, anyways? ;) a beautiful golf course with a beautiful woman is a top notch way to spend a day, unless you have a wife.. lol

 

If she's not your age and it's an incredibly unlikely situation in your wife's eyes, you'll be good. Basically, what she looks like is going to be the deciding factor, should you decide to be honest. lol.

Did you see the part where he played, wife met up later and they had drinks and (shocker) the girls talked more than he did? :) Could be a good friendship brewing. Always nice to meet friendly people in a new area it seems everything is coming up Milhouse!

 

--kC

First, I'm so glad that you told her Bomber!!! Regarding KC's point to the girls getting along well, I knew and was friends with Richard's former fiance(his club president's daughter) before I knew Richard. She is a former Player at UVA and though she never got her card she played in a few LPGA events, then went to law school. She is a sweetheart and this picture is of her and her sister at Richard's bar(she is on the left). No, I was not present, hahaha, and yes Richard mentioned to me that they dropped in. I have never expected him to call or tell me but we are both very much alike in this manner and I would do the same. I trust him with my children, which I value more than my own life. Have a nice day Bomber :) Maddie

[Tcann32]

This is relatively similar to the topic of being "allowed" to golf, but it involves the two things she's probably most envious of: You're favorite hobby, and other women.

 

I'd look at it this way: If she were to somehow find out, and you didn't tell her, then you're really in for it. I', very familiar with the whole thought process of: "not wanting to start a fight, so I just don't say anything." and I've sworn that off. It doesn't ever help anything. Be upfront and honest, and go anyways. lol.

 

OP, it's just a really stupid thing to lose trust over, and even though it's harmless, lying about it doesn't make it seem so harmless.

 

What does this real estate agent look like, anyways? ;) a beautiful golf course with a beautiful woman is a top notch way to spend a day, unless you have a wife.. lol

 

If she's not your age and it's an incredibly unlikely situation in your wife's eyes, you'll be good. Basically, what she looks like is going to be the deciding factor, should you decide to be honest. lol.

Did you see the part where he played, wife met up later and they had drinks and (shocker) the girls talked more than he did? :) Could be a good friendship brewing. Always nice to meet friendly people in a new area it seems everything is coming up Milhouse!

 

--kC

 

No, honestly I just read the first page and responded from there. Sounds like things went well, good on OP! It sucks to want to do something harmless but have to fear it being shut down because of something you know isn't going to happen, but hey, relationships.

[Tcann32]

After finally reading through most of this, I think it's safe to say that we have the first successful gossip thread (not about clubs and tour pros) on wrx (that I've noticed).

[justasgood]

What clubs did she play?

[Matt J]

What clubs did she play?

 

Now it's officially a GolfWRX thread.