Golfing with women who aren't your spouse?

[2bGood]

 

Not sure why your wife has an issue.

[RICKYBOBBY]

It's a can of worms. A couple of considerations: Does your wife think the agent is an attractive woman? Do you think the agent is hot? Not knowing your personal situation, but if you bought the house recently didn't your wife also buy the house from her? Why not take both of you to dinner?

 

I would tell your wife and if she shows the slightest irritation the round of golf would not be worth it.

 

Yes she does think the agent is an attractive woman, and indeed she is an attractive woman. She's married though, much like I am - so it's clearly a professional setting and no ill intentions are involved.

 

I guess the golf thing probably stems from the fact that throughout our home-buying process, golf is something the agent and I commonly talked about.

 

 

There may not be bad intentions on your part but you do realize that married people cheat...right?

[Krt22]

Lot's of people cheat, but that only happens if both parties are willing. If the OP has no intention of cheating it's a none issue, which is why it makes no sense to hide it from the wife.

[slimeone]

Sounds like OP is contemplating having an "emotional affair" which from what I've been told is as bad as, if not worse than, an actual affair. Not sure I believe that though.

[2bGood]

Sounds like OP is contemplating having an "emotional affair" which from what I've been told is as bad as, if not worse than, an actual affair. Not sure I believe that though.

 

Sounds like the OP is contemplating playing golf.

[elwhippy]

Do you work with attractive female colleagues? Are there fit young ladies at your local gym, shopping mall, coffee shop, grocery store, library? If the answer is yes does your wife lock you in a cellar when she goes out or accompany you everywhere? Shock horror is there a handsome man at her local school gates, dentist, parking lot, gym etc? Probably. This is 2016. Men and women meet and work professionally without having a relationship (apologies to Mrs H Clinton).

[slimeone]

Sounds like OP is contemplating having an "emotional affair" which from what I've been told is as bad as, if not worse than, an actual affair. Not sure I believe that though.

 

Sounds like the OP is contemplating playing golf.

With the hot sales agent with whom he struck up a friendship over a shared interest which his wife apparently doesn't have, while they were working closely on the purchase of a new house, which is statistically considered one of the most significant events that a person will experience in their life.

[DavePelz4]

To quote the Wopper from War Games, " The only winning move is not to play."

[jkc-rva]

Intentionally not telling your wife is basically lying, IMO. Just tell her. No risk breaking trust or causing issues in your marriage over a round of golf.

 

I train in the gym with several very attractive women, my wife has met or knows of all of them. It puts her at ease and I don't have to worry about feeling like I'm doing something sneaky.

[Matt J]

I think my wife would prefer I have sex with real estate agents over play any more golf. Definitely less time consuming considering my technique. Golf technique that is.

[Roody]

If it were me and this truly is a golf course that is very tough to get onto, my wife would know that I am definitely more interested in the golf than anything else. If it were one of the local public golf courses I could get on any time, then she'd suspect something.

[Ferguson]

If nothing is going to happen, you have nothing to worry about.

[Imp]

Not telling her is *not* lying as jkc-rva said though (that's really absurd, but maybe a female point of view?), because would it be lying if it were a male agent that asked you? No. Changing the gender doesn't change it to a lie. That's just some twisted sense of reality there.

 

I would mention it to her that it's the agent that sold the house, knew you liked golf and put the offer out there for this nice course, because it is outside of your normal social circle, as if it were a male agent. It's golf. It's capable of being played at the same time by men and women. It won't be the last time that you tee it up with a female.

 

If your wife is insecure about your commitment to her, then you and her have bigger issues than going out to play golf with someone outside of your normal social circle. If you have to ask permission, same thing... big problems.

 

--kC

[GolfNuts4]

I am actually stunned that there is so much discussion on this topic. It's a no brainer, tell your wife of the invite, ask her if she wants to meet you for a drink after the round. If you marriage is anywhere solid, this should not even be an issue.

[Roadking_6]

No matter how innocent it is or what your intentions are, $hiT will hit the fan at some point or another if you are not up front about this. If you are putting your wife in a situation where she feels uncomfortable.....DON'T DO IT. You will spend the rest of your marriage with your wife thinking every time you leave the house you are up to something.

[DavePelz4]

I think my wife would prefer I have sex with real estate agents over play any more golf. Definitely less time consuming considering my technique. Golf technique that is.

 

Fast pace of play...so to speak?

[Imp]

No matter how innocent it is or what your intentions are, $hiT will hit the fan at some point or another if you are not up front about this. If you are putting your wife in a situation where she feels uncomfortable.....DON'T DO IT. You will spend the rest of your marriage with your wife thinking every time you leave the house you are up to something.

If the spouse doesn't have 100% confidence in the relationship and fidelity of their spouse, then the relationship should end. It's a form of control, (not doing something because of the spouses insecurity) and not healthy at all. I understand the need for compromise, but this is not a compromise situation. One persons insecurities and faith in their marriage are not a bargaining chip to be played, nor where compromises happen. You have 100% faith in your partner. Anything less than that is lying to yourself or your relationship.

 

--kC

[Roadking_6]

No matter how innocent it is or what your intentions are, $hiT will hit the fan at some point or another if you are not up front about this. If you are putting your wife in a situation where she feels uncomfortable.....DON'T DO IT. You will spend the rest of your marriage with your wife thinking every time you leave the house you are up to something.

If the spouse doesn't have 100% confidence in the relationship and the other person, then it should end. It's a form of control and not healthy at all.

 

--kC

That is my point. If you lie and cover it up, she would have no reason to have 100% confidence. Tell her and she "should" be accepting and if she is not, graciously bow out of the opportunity. If you lie and try to cover it up, there is no communication and trust in the relationship and it's a long dark path from there.

[Imp]

No matter how innocent it is or what your intentions are, $hiT will hit the fan at some point or another if you are not up front about this. If you are putting your wife in a situation where she feels uncomfortable.....DON'T DO IT. You will spend the rest of your marriage with your wife thinking every time you leave the house you are up to something.

If the spouse doesn't have 100% confidence in the relationship and the other person, then it should end. It's a form of control and not healthy at all.

 

--kC

That is my point. If you lie and cover it up, she would have no reason to have 100% confidence. Tell her and she "should" be accepting and if she is not, graciously bow out of the opportunity. If you lie and try to cover it up, there is no communication and trust in the relationship and it's a long dark path from there.

If she's not accepting, then they need to talk about the status of their relationship, with a professional. It's a big deal. See my edited post. You can't just "not like it". It's a cancer that will tear it apart and build regret and resentment.

 

--kC

[Sixcat]

Not telling her is *not* lying as jkc-rva said though (that's really absurd, but maybe a female point of view?), because would it be lying if it were a male agent that asked you? No. Changing the gender doesn't change it to a lie. That's just some twisted sense of reality there.

 

I would mention it to her that it's the agent that sold the house, knew you liked golf and put the offer out there for this nice course, because it is outside of your normal social circle, as if it were a male agent. It's golf. It's capable of being played at the same time by men and women. It won't be the last time that you tee it up with a female.

 

If your wife is insecure about your commitment to her, then you and her have bigger issues than going out to play golf with someone outside of your normal social circle. If you have to ask permission, same thing... big problems.

 

--kC

 

I mostly agree with the majority of what you have posted both here and further down the page. But I highly disagree that not telling the spouse isn't a form of lying. By not telling his spouse, the OP is, in essence, admitting something is inappropriate with the arrangement. Would he be so hesitant to tell his spouse if the real estate agent were male?

 

Lack of action is indeed a poor form of action but an action nonetheless. Lying by omission is likewise, an action and shows a lack of respect for the other person in the relationship. A marriage is baseless and doomed without respect. And who would be inserting the lack of respect into the relationship in this scenario?

[CosmosMpower]

Are there wooded areas on said golf course?

[HatsForBats]

If it were me I would play the round of golf and then casually mention it afterwards. If she got upset about it so be it. It's a round of golf not going out to dinner or drinks.

[NJpatbee]

It's a can of worms. A couple of considerations: Does your wife think the agent is an attractive woman? Do you think the agent is hot? Not knowing your personal situation, but if you bought the house recently didn't your wife also buy the house from her? Why not take both of you to dinner?

 

I would tell your wife and if she shows the slightest irritation the round of golf would not be worth it.

 

Yes she does think the agent is an attractive woman, and indeed she is an attractive woman. She's married though, much like I am - so it's clearly a professional setting and no ill intentions are involved.

 

I guess the golf thing probably stems from the fact that throughout our home-buying process, golf is something the agent and I commonly talked about.

 

Oh, OK. It's not like two married people have ever had an affair, so you are safe.

[Ping Zings]

With the name Bomber_11, I'm sure your not a short knocker. I say pound it down the fairway.

[The Pearl]

If she is a member at a club, I am going to assume that her husband also plays? If so, why did she not invite you to play at the club with her and her husband? From her perspective, this would seem far more normal than inviting you to play with her only.

 

A bit of a red flag?

[Titleist87]

Take the wife. She rides in the golf car with you. Problem solved.

[Imp]

Not telling her is *not* lying as jkc-rva said though (that's really absurd, but maybe a female point of view?), because would it be lying if it were a male agent that asked you? No. Changing the gender doesn't change it to a lie. That's just some twisted sense of reality there.

 

I would mention it to her that it's the agent that sold the house, knew you liked golf and put the offer out there for this nice course, because it is outside of your normal social circle, as if it were a male agent. It's golf. It's capable of being played at the same time by men and women. It won't be the last time that you tee it up with a female.

 

If your wife is insecure about your commitment to her, then you and her have bigger issues than going out to play golf with someone outside of your normal social circle. If you have to ask permission, same thing... big problems.

 

--kC

 

I mostly agree with the majority of what you have posted both here and further down the page. But I highly disagree that not telling the spouse isn't a form of lying. By not telling his spouse, the OP is, in essence, admitting something is inappropriate with the arrangement. Would he be so hesitant to tell his spouse if the real estate agent were male?

 

Lack of action is indeed a poor form of action but an action nonetheless. Lying by omission is likewise, an action and shows a lack of respect for the other person in the relationship. A marriage is baseless and doomed without respect. And who would be inserting the lack of respect into the relationship in this scenario?

That was my point. Would it be lying if it were a male agent and was asked and didn't say anything? No. "Going to play golf". "K, have fun." Why does gender turn it from not lying to lying?

 

--kC

[Imp]

Take the wife. She rides in the golf car with you. Problem solved.

Funny story. Was down in Hilton Head last week. Most of the courses on the island were closed because damage, forcing everyone else to find other avenues. As a single, I set up a tee time that was available with a 3some. I show up to the course, in their system as a 3 + me.

 

The threesome shows up, with 4 people in the carts. "Oh, my wife rides along, doesn't play." That did NOT go over well with the course, as they are short on/run out of carts due to the higher than average play they have been seeing. I ended up going out with a 2some a half hour later. I mentioned that I wasn't happy either because I signed up for that time (and they wouldn't let three carts out for the same group). Got a free round out of it at least, but it cost the course money.

 

My advice? Spouse doesn't play? Spouse stays home or does whatever spouses do when the other plays golf.

 

--kC

[Santiago Golf]

Take the wife. She rides in the golf car with you. Problem solved.

Funny story. Was down in Hilton Head last week. Most of the courses on the island were closed because damage, forcing everyone else to find other avenues. As a single, I set up a tee time that was available with a 3some. I show up to the course, in their system as a 3 + me.

 

The threesome shows up, with 4 people in the carts. "Oh, my wife rides along, doesn't play." That did NOT go over well with the course, as they are short on/run out of carts due to the higher than average play they have been seeing. I ended up going out with a 2some a half hour later. I mentioned that I wasn't happy either because I signed up for that time (and they wouldn't let three carts out for the same group). Got a free round out of it at least, but it cost the course money.

 

My advice? Spouse doesn't play? Spouse stays home or does whatever spouses do when the other plays golf.

 

--kC

 

Maybe we figured it out in the last sentence, he can go play "golf" with the real estate agent and the husband of the real estate agent can do something(tennis, shopping, hell go play shuffle board) with the op wife.

 

I surprised all of us haven't gotten in trouble with WRX for this thread

[Sixcat]

Not telling her is *not* lying as jkc-rva said though (that's really absurd, but maybe a female point of view?), because would it be lying if it were a male agent that asked you? No. Changing the gender doesn't change it to a lie. That's just some twisted sense of reality there.

 

I would mention it to her that it's the agent that sold the house, knew you liked golf and put the offer out there for this nice course, because it is outside of your normal social circle, as if it were a male agent. It's golf. It's capable of being played at the same time by men and women. It won't be the last time that you tee it up with a female.

 

If your wife is insecure about your commitment to her, then you and her have bigger issues than going out to play golf with someone outside of your normal social circle. If you have to ask permission, same thing... big problems.

 

--kC

 

I mostly agree with the majority of what you have posted both here and further down the page. But I highly disagree that not telling the spouse isn't a form of lying. By not telling his spouse, the OP is, in essence, admitting something is inappropriate with the arrangement. Would he be so hesitant to tell his spouse if the real estate agent were male?

 

Lack of action is indeed a poor form of action but an action nonetheless. Lying by omission is likewise, an action and shows a lack of respect for the other person in the relationship. A marriage is baseless and doomed without respect. And who would be inserting the lack of respect into the relationship in this scenario?

That was my point. Would it be lying if it were a male agent and was asked and didn't say anything? No. "Going to play golf". "K, have fun." Why does gender turn it from not lying to lying?

 

--kC

 

Respect for the marriage as well as the marital partner would be the difference. If the agents husband asked the OP's wife out for coffee and she accepted without either telling the spouse, would the scenario change?

 

Semantics I guess but deceit is deceit regardless of gender.