Could Use A Laugh....

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  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area.ClubWRX Posts: 24,250 ClubWRX
    I'm really embarrassed to admit what I did for a Klondike bar.
  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area.ClubWRX Posts: 24,250 ClubWRX
    The fact that there is a Stairway to Heaven and a Highway to **** pretty much tells you where most of us are going.
  • Argonne69Argonne69 Members Posts: 20,015 ✭✭
    DavePelz4 wrote:


    The fact that there is a Stairway to Heaven and a Highway to **** pretty much tells you where most of us are going.




    It's 2018. Wouldn't that now be a Tollway to ****? And none of this open road tolling cr*p. I'm talking 64 toll booths with only one open and a 72 mile backup, and staffed by the slowest, most obnoxious tollway worker the Devil could find. You know, kind of like the 83rd St. toll plaza on I-294 in the late 80's.
  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area.ClubWRX Posts: 24,250 ClubWRX
    Argonne69 wrote:

    DavePelz4 wrote:


    The fact that there is a Stairway to Heaven and a Highway to **** pretty much tells you where most of us are going.




    It's 2018. Wouldn't that now be a Tollway to ****? And none of this open road tolling cr*p. I'm talking 64 toll booths with only one open and a 72 mile backup, and staffed by the slowest, most obnoxious tollway worker the Devil could find. You know, kind of like the 83rd St. toll plaza on I-294 in the late 80's.




    That's the IL Tollway to ****. How else are we going to pay for all the former governors in jail?
  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area.ClubWRX Posts: 24,250 ClubWRX
    Ah Christmas time is upon us and that means Mrs. Pelz's mother has begun her annual visit of torture holiday sharing of love. As is our tradition, she and I share special bottles of wine that we've found for each other which symbolize our feelings for each other.



    Her gift to me...



    1502476993839-1299038374.jpeg



    Knowing she's a fan of Grenache's, I found this for her...



    8815639429150.png



    There's nothing like sharing the season with those you are forced to tolerate love with all your heart.
  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area.ClubWRX Posts: 24,250 ClubWRX
    Just read a WSJ article that yeast sales are on the rise.



    Who knew you could make dough with yeast.



  • Qqq123xxQqq123xx I wake up take a few steps and am in a haze the rest of the day. Members Posts: 6,207 ✭✭
    fillwelix wrote:


    There are two types of hotel guests: those who ask when tomorrow's breakfast begins, and those who ask when it ends. Which type are you?
    When it ends, or what day is this?
    Callaway Razr X Black 9.5 stiff
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    Cleveland RTG Wedges TT reg. 52,56.
    Nxt Tour.
    Cleveland Classic #4
  • Qqq123xxQqq123xx I wake up take a few steps and am in a haze the rest of the day. Members Posts: 6,207 ✭✭
    Argonne69 wrote:


    From the makers of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter™, introducing:
    • It Might Be Bread
    • Let's Just Say It's Cream Cheese
    • It Almost Tastes Like Jam
    • Sure, It's "Maple Syrup"
    • Smells a Bit Like Eggs



    Thankfully I had white wine and not red.
    Callaway Razr X Black 9.5 stiff
    Callaway Razr X Black 4wd. stiff
    Wilson CI9 4-gw. TT reg.
    Cleveland RTG Wedges TT reg. 52,56.
    Nxt Tour.
    Cleveland Classic #4
  • Birdie MacBirdie Mac Members Posts: 452 ✭✭
    Haven't read every page, so apologies if this has already been posted:



    A guy comes running into the pro shop in a panic, tears running down his face, saying "Oh my God, I need help! I sliced the ball really bad off the tee on the 8th hole and it hit the windshield of a car. The guy lost control and crashed in the ditch. I think I may have killed him. Please help!"



    The pro says, "Ok, calm down. You're leaving the clubface open at impact. Let's take a look at your grip."
  • ramdorskyramdorsky Members Posts: 121 ✭✭
    2 cows are standing next to each other in a field. daisy says to dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning" "I don't believe you" says dolly" It's true, no bull!"
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    [font=helvetica, arial, sans-serif]Vokey..................54* 60*[/font]
    [font=helvetica, arial, sans-serif]SC American Classic III[/font]
  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area.ClubWRX Posts: 24,250 ClubWRX
    We need to start a campaign for next New Year's Eve to have Barbara Walters host the countdown. As we move into the new year, she can say "I'm Barbara Walters and this is 2020."
  • Hawkeye77Hawkeye77 Countdown to The Masters! ClubWRX Posts: 17,398 ClubWRX
    DavePelz4 wrote:


    The fact that there is a Stairway to Heaven and a Highway to **** pretty much tells you where most of us are going.




    I Can't Drive 55- so I'll already be there to greet you!



    God, there's some funny stuff in here.
  • Hawkeye77Hawkeye77 Countdown to The Masters! ClubWRX Posts: 17,398 ClubWRX
    In light of yesterday's first rule issue of 2019:



    DJ bought a chainsaw on his Ace Hardware Man's representation he could saw through and stack 4 cords of wood in an afternoon.



    Took it back, says to the guy, "Hey, I was barely able to cut about a dozen pieces of firewood."



    Ace Hardware Man fires it up - DJ recoils in horror, exclaiming, "What's that noise?!"
  • CapnSwaggaCapnSwagga TaylorMade Fanboy Members Posts: 21 ✭✭
    This came from another golf group I follow.



    An elderly golfer comes in after his round, heading to the clubhouse he spots a sign that reads:



    Cold beer-4.00

    Cheeseburger-7.00

    Chicken sandwich-8.50

    Hand job-100.00



    Double taking he re reads the sign again carefully then checks his wallet and counts his money.



    Walking up to the bar he sees an exceptionally good looking young lady. She glides over to him and says "yes"? with a wide knowing smile. The old golfer quite embarrassed asks her "Are you the one who gives the handjobs"?



    She looks at the wrinkled old man still smiling and purrs "why yes I am".



    The old man leans in close and says "will you wash your hands becuase I want a cheeseburger".
    M1 9.5° Diamana 70g stiff
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  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area.ClubWRX Posts: 24,250 ClubWRX
    Over the weekend I received a text that said, "Please know I'm here for you." Thought it was a nice text regarding a recent life event. I responded with "That's so kind of you as always but I recently changed my phone out and lost some contact numbers. Do you mind sharing who it is?"



    "Sure...it's your Uber driver."



    Oops.
  • ohioglfrohioglfr Municipal Junkie Members Posts: 718 ✭✭
    If you could use a laugh, maybe golf isn't for you. Try another sport . . . say, karate.



    Adams Speedline 9088UL 10.5* AXIVCore 69 Black (S)
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  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area.ClubWRX Posts: 24,250 ClubWRX
    This one just doesn't need words...



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  • Jacob37Jacob37 Members Posts: 95 ClubWRX


    Do they have to be golf jokes???



    A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over

    his mouth.

    A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

    "Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?"

    Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know Sir, I'm only

    here to wash your upper body and feet."

    He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me.

    Are my testicles black?"



    Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart

    rate from worrying about them.

    She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other. She looks very closely and says,

    "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look magnificent."

    The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,

    "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:

    "Are - My -Test - Results - Back




    Hahhaa that’s good there
  • adam667220adam667220 Members Posts: 861 ✭✭
    BC+ Driver 10.5°
    BC+ 5 wood 16°
    Adam Idea Super XTD hybrid 21°
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    52°,56°, 60° wedges
    Odyssey White Hot Pro 2cs
  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area.ClubWRX Posts: 24,250 ClubWRX

    This morning I read an article where the "Flat Earth Society" says they have members all around the globe. Whaaaat?

  • Argonne69Argonne69 Members Posts: 20,015 ✭✭

    Worst. Joke. Ever.

    Q: What's the difference between a dirty bus stop, and a lobster with breast implants?

    A: One's a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.

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