Could Use A Laugh....

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  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area.ClubWRX  25396WRX Points: 2,556Handicap: 2 ManyPosts: 25,396 ClubWRX
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    I'm really embarrassed to admit what I did for a Klondike bar.
    Posted:
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  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area.ClubWRX  25396WRX Points: 2,556Handicap: 2 ManyPosts: 25,396 ClubWRX
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    The fact that there is a Stairway to Heaven and a Highway to **** pretty much tells you where most of us are going.
    Posted:
  • Argonne69Argonne69 Members  23449WRX Points: 7,405Posts: 23,449 Titanium Tees
    Joined:  #304
    DavePelz4 wrote:


    The fact that there is a Stairway to Heaven and a Highway to **** pretty much tells you where most of us are going.




    It's 2018. Wouldn't that now be a Tollway to ****? And none of this open road tolling cr*p. I'm talking 64 toll booths with only one open and a 72 mile backup, and staffed by the slowest, most obnoxious tollway worker the Devil could find. You know, kind of like the 83rd St. toll plaza on I-294 in the late 80's.
    Posted:
  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area.ClubWRX  25396WRX Points: 2,556Handicap: 2 ManyPosts: 25,396 ClubWRX
    Joined:  #305
    Argonne69 wrote:

    DavePelz4 wrote:


    The fact that there is a Stairway to Heaven and a Highway to **** pretty much tells you where most of us are going.




    It's 2018. Wouldn't that now be a Tollway to ****? And none of this open road tolling cr*p. I'm talking 64 toll booths with only one open and a 72 mile backup, and staffed by the slowest, most obnoxious tollway worker the Devil could find. You know, kind of like the 83rd St. toll plaza on I-294 in the late 80's.




    That's the IL Tollway to ****. How else are we going to pay for all the former governors in jail?
    Posted:
  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area.ClubWRX  25396WRX Points: 2,556Handicap: 2 ManyPosts: 25,396 ClubWRX
    Joined:  #306
    Ah Christmas time is upon us and that means Mrs. Pelz's mother has begun her annual visit of torture holiday sharing of love. As is our tradition, she and I share special bottles of wine that we've found for each other which symbolize our feelings for each other.



    Her gift to me...



    1502476993839-1299038374.jpeg



    Knowing she's a fan of Grenache's, I found this for her...



    8815639429150.png



    There's nothing like sharing the season with those you are forced to tolerate love with all your heart.
    Posted:
  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area.ClubWRX  25396WRX Points: 2,556Handicap: 2 ManyPosts: 25,396 ClubWRX
    Joined:  #307
    Just read a WSJ article that yeast sales are on the rise.



    Who knew you could make dough with yeast.



    Posted:
  • GolfWRXGolfWRX Warning Points: 0  11 Members Posts: 11 #ad
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  • Qqq123xxQqq123xx I wake up take a few steps and am in a haze the rest of the day. Members  6735WRX Points: 889Handicap: XX.5Posts: 6,735 Titanium Tees
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    fillwelix wrote:


    There are two types of hotel guests: those who ask when tomorrow's breakfast begins, and those who ask when it ends. Which type are you?
    When it ends, or what day is this?
    Posted:
    Callaway Razr X Black 9.5 stiff
    Callaway Razr X Black 4wd. stiff
    Wilson CI9 4-gw. TT reg.
    Cleveland RTG Wedges TT reg. 52,56.
    Nxt Tour.
    Cleveland Classic #4
  • Qqq123xxQqq123xx I wake up take a few steps and am in a haze the rest of the day. Members  6735WRX Points: 889Handicap: XX.5Posts: 6,735 Titanium Tees
    Joined:  #309
    Argonne69 wrote:


    From the makers of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter™, introducing:
    • It Might Be Bread
    • Let's Just Say It's Cream Cheese
    • It Almost Tastes Like Jam
    • Sure, It's "Maple Syrup"
    • Smells a Bit Like Eggs



    Thankfully I had white wine and not red.
    Posted:
    Callaway Razr X Black 9.5 stiff
    Callaway Razr X Black 4wd. stiff
    Wilson CI9 4-gw. TT reg.
    Cleveland RTG Wedges TT reg. 52,56.
    Nxt Tour.
    Cleveland Classic #4
  • Birdie MacBirdie Mac Members  679WRX Points: 345Posts: 679 Golden Tee
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    Haven't read every page, so apologies if this has already been posted:



    A guy comes running into the pro shop in a panic, tears running down his face, saying "Oh my God, I need help! I sliced the ball really bad off the tee on the 8th hole and it hit the windshield of a car. The guy lost control and crashed in the ditch. I think I may have killed him. Please help!"



    The pro says, "Ok, calm down. You're leaving the clubface open at impact. Let's take a look at your grip."
    Posted:
  • ramdorskyramdorsky Members  123WRX Points: 23Handicap: 12Posts: 123 Fairways
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    2 cows are standing next to each other in a field. daisy says to dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning" "I don't believe you" says dolly" It's true, no bull!"
    Posted:
    Cobra Bio Cell Pro....10*
    Taylormade RBZ.......15*
    Callaway RAZR(hy)..21*
    Mizuno JPX900T.....4-10
    Scor...........................50*
    Vokey..................54* 60*
    SC American Classic III
  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area.ClubWRX  25396WRX Points: 2,556Handicap: 2 ManyPosts: 25,396 ClubWRX
    Joined:  #312
    We need to start a campaign for next New Year's Eve to have Barbara Walters host the countdown. As we move into the new year, she can say "I'm Barbara Walters and this is 2020."
    Posted:
  • GolfWRXGolfWRX Warning Points: 0  11 Members Posts: 11 #ad
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  • Hawkeye77Hawkeye77 IowaClubWRX  21401WRX Points: 5,351Posts: 21,401 ClubWRX
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    DavePelz4 wrote:


    The fact that there is a Stairway to Heaven and a Highway to **** pretty much tells you where most of us are going.




    I Can't Drive 55- so I'll already be there to greet you!



    God, there's some funny stuff in here.
    Posted:
  • Hawkeye77Hawkeye77 IowaClubWRX  21401WRX Points: 5,351Posts: 21,401 ClubWRX
    Joined:  #314
    In light of yesterday's first rule issue of 2019:



    DJ bought a chainsaw on his Ace Hardware Man's representation he could saw through and stack 4 cords of wood in an afternoon.



    Took it back, says to the guy, "Hey, I was barely able to cut about a dozen pieces of firewood."



    Ace Hardware Man fires it up - DJ recoils in horror, exclaiming, "What's that noise?!"
    Posted:
  • CapnSwaggaCapnSwagga TaylorMade 4 Life! NevadaMembers  31WRX Points: 23Handicap: sandbaggerPosts: 31 Bunkers
    Joined:  #315
    This came from another golf group I follow.



    An elderly golfer comes in after his round, heading to the clubhouse he spots a sign that reads:



    Cold beer-4.00

    Cheeseburger-7.00

    Chicken sandwich-8.50

    Hand job-100.00



    Double taking he re reads the sign again carefully then checks his wallet and counts his money.



    Walking up to the bar he sees an exceptionally good looking young lady. She glides over to him and says "yes"? with a wide knowing smile. The old golfer quite embarrassed asks her "Are you the one who gives the handjobs"?



    She looks at the wrinkled old man still smiling and purrs "why yes I am".



    The old man leans in close and says "will you wash your hands becuase I want a cheeseburger".
    Posted:
    M4 9.5° Diamana 70g stiff
    SLDR 17° Diamana 80g stiff
    SLDR 19° Fujikara 72g reg
    SLDR 21° Fujikara 82g stiff
    2011 TP MC 4-PW KBS tour stiff
    2011 TP CB AW 51° S300 
    Hi Toe 58° bent to 56° KBS tour wedge
    TM Spider mini 37"
    TM purelite stand bag
  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area.ClubWRX  25396WRX Points: 2,556Handicap: 2 ManyPosts: 25,396 ClubWRX
    Joined:  #316
    Over the weekend I received a text that said, "Please know I'm here for you." Thought it was a nice text regarding a recent life event. I responded with "That's so kind of you as always but I recently changed my phone out and lost some contact numbers. Do you mind sharing who it is?"



    "Sure...it's your Uber driver."



    Oops.
    Posted:
  • ohioglfrohioglfr Municipal Junkie Dayton, OhioMembers  928WRX Points: 196Handicap: 16Posts: 928 Golden Tee
    Joined:  #317
    If you could use a laugh, maybe golf isn't for you. Try another sport . . . say, karate.



    Posted:

    Adams Speedline 9088UL 10.5* AXIVCore 69 Black (S)
    Ping G SF Tec 3W, 5W Alta 65 (R)
    Ping G 4H,5H Alta 70 (R)
    Ping G 6-U TT XP 95 (soft R)
    Ping Glide 54*, 58* WS TT XP 100 (R)
    Ping Darby Sigma G

  • GolfWRXGolfWRX Warning Points: 0  11 Members Posts: 11 #ad
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  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area.ClubWRX  25396WRX Points: 2,556Handicap: 2 ManyPosts: 25,396 ClubWRX
    Joined:  #318
    This one just doesn't need words...



    52536759_2219663844786147_624267139922001920_n.jpg?_nc_cat=1&_nc_oc=AQmns2C7u5E3gMrym7IKQILWTo8cbyQimxABrIObXRkXZhjaJu5eR-WuXoWEIVeitRs&_nc_ht=scontent-ort2-1.xx&oh=8a1b4f4100b70668d124b6f5beb77f96&oe=5CF5992E
    Posted:
  • Jacob37Jacob37 Members  94WRX Points: 2Handicap: 8Posts: 94 Bunkers
    Joined:  #319


    Do they have to be golf jokes???



    A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over

    his mouth.

    A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

    "Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?"

    Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know Sir, I'm only

    here to wash your upper body and feet."

    He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me.

    Are my testicles black?"



    Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart

    rate from worrying about them.

    She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other. She looks very closely and says,

    "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look magnificent."

    The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,

    "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:

    "Are - My -Test - Results - Back




    Hahhaa that’s good there
    Posted:
  • adam667220adam667220 Members  927WRX Points: 143Posts: 927 Golden Tee
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    Posted:
    BC+ Driver 10.5°
    BC+ 5 wood 16°
    Adam Idea Super XTD hybrid 21°
    Callaway X2 Hot Irons 5-AW
    52°,56°, 60° wedges
    Odyssey White Hot Pro 2cs
  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area.ClubWRX  25396WRX Points: 2,556Handicap: 2 ManyPosts: 25,396 ClubWRX
    Joined:  #321

    This morning I read an article where the "Flat Earth Society" says they have members all around the globe. Whaaaat?

    Posted:
  • Argonne69Argonne69 Members  23449WRX Points: 7,405Posts: 23,449 Titanium Tees
    Joined:  #322

    Worst. Joke. Ever.

    Q: What's the difference between a dirty bus stop, and a lobster with breast implants?

    A: One's a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.

    Posted:
  • GolfWRXGolfWRX Warning Points: 0  11 Members Posts: 11 #ad
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  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area.ClubWRX  25396WRX Points: 2,556Handicap: 2 ManyPosts: 25,396 ClubWRX
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    Mrs. Pelz was in the kitchen the other day making "laughing stock." She asked for my funny bone but I didn't find that humerus in the least.

    Posted:
  • Argonne69Argonne69 Members  23449WRX Points: 7,405Posts: 23,449 Titanium Tees
    Joined:  #324

    Urban - Suburban - Rural

    If you stand naked on your front porch, and the neighbors can't see you...it's rural

    If you stand naked on your front porch, and the neighbors call the cops...it's suburban.

    If you stand naked on your front porch, and the neighbors ignore you...it's urban.

    Bonus: If you stand naked on your front porch, and your wife locks the door behind you...you're probably at the Pelz' residence.

    Posted:
  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area.ClubWRX  25396WRX Points: 2,556Handicap: 2 ManyPosts: 25,396 ClubWRX
    Joined:  #325

    Since she started reading Hebrews 2 in her Bible, Mrs. Pelz thinks I'm supposed to bring her coffee in the morning.

    Posted:
  • TIM929TIM929 Los AngelesMembers  1465WRX Points: 878Handicap: 14.2Posts: 1,465 Platinum Tees
    Joined:  #326

    On -, @DavePelz4 said:

    Since she started reading Hebrews 2 in her Bible, Mrs. Pelz thinks I'm supposed to bring her coffee in the morning.

    LOL

    Posted:
    Titleist TS3 10.5* Driver                  HZRDUS SMOKE 6.0         Tour Velvet std 
    Adams Tightlies 2 16*3 Wood        whatevers stock                 Tour Velvet std  
    Titleist TS3 19*    Hybrid                 HZRDUS SMOKE 6.0         Tour Velvet std 
    Titleist 716 TMB  4-P                       DG S300                            Tour Velvet Align 2 wraps  
    Titleist SM7 52.12F (bent to 49.09)DG S400                            Tour Velvet plus4 1 wraps
    Titleist SM7 56.10S                          DG S400                            Tour Velvet plus4 1 wraps
    Titleist SM7 60.12D                          DG S400                            Tour Velvet plus4 1 wraps
    Titleist SC Terryllium Fastback 1.5  34" loft 6.5                        Pistolini Plus  
    Titleist PROV1                                   ball
    Kirkland sig                                       glove 
    FJ rain glove                                     glove (rain)  
     

    WITB:
    http://www.golfwrx.com/forums/topic/1729394-timbo929-witb/
  • DGenerickDGenerick Members  8WRX Points: 7Posts: 8 Bunkers
    Joined:  #327

    lol didn't know there were Golf jokes.

    Posted:
  • GolfWRXGolfWRX Warning Points: 0  11 Members Posts: 11 #ad
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  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area.ClubWRX  25396WRX Points: 2,556Handicap: 2 ManyPosts: 25,396 ClubWRX
    Joined:  #328

    I realized this morning that coffee spelled backwards is eeffoc.

    That's what I won't give until I have coffee.

    Posted:
  • TIM929TIM929 Los AngelesMembers  1465WRX Points: 878Handicap: 14.2Posts: 1,465 Platinum Tees
    Joined:  #329

    On -, @DavePelz4 said:

    I realized this morning that coffee spelled backwards is eeffoc.

    That's what I won't give until I have coffee.

    LOL!!! MAN!!

    Posted:
    Titleist TS3 10.5* Driver                  HZRDUS SMOKE 6.0         Tour Velvet std 
    Adams Tightlies 2 16*3 Wood        whatevers stock                 Tour Velvet std  
    Titleist TS3 19*    Hybrid                 HZRDUS SMOKE 6.0         Tour Velvet std 
    Titleist 716 TMB  4-P                       DG S300                            Tour Velvet Align 2 wraps  
    Titleist SM7 52.12F (bent to 49.09)DG S400                            Tour Velvet plus4 1 wraps
    Titleist SM7 56.10S                          DG S400                            Tour Velvet plus4 1 wraps
    Titleist SM7 60.12D                          DG S400                            Tour Velvet plus4 1 wraps
    Titleist SC Terryllium Fastback 1.5  34" loft 6.5                        Pistolini Plus  
    Titleist PROV1                                   ball
    Kirkland sig                                       glove 
    FJ rain glove                                     glove (rain)  
     

    WITB:
    http://www.golfwrx.com/forums/topic/1729394-timbo929-witb/
  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area.ClubWRX  25396WRX Points: 2,556Handicap: 2 ManyPosts: 25,396 ClubWRX
    Joined:  #330

    This morning one of my RN's said "I really appreciate how you went the extra mile for me." She didn't realize that I just missed the exit.

    Posted:
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  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area.ClubWRX  25396WRX Points: 2,556Handicap: 2 ManyPosts: 25,396 ClubWRX
    Joined:  #331

    We're expanding our business and interviewing some recent college grads for a job in administration. I asked one of our final candidates what they were looking for as a package. The person said, “I'm looking In the range of $150,000 a year, depending on the benefits.” This is a VERY recent college grad from a directional state school.

    This is just license to have fun with the person. I said, what would you think if in addition to $150K, we offered 6 weeks vacation, 10 paid holidays, we'll pay 100% of your medical and dental insurance and a give you a company car?”

    The candidate got really wide eyed and started smiling and said, "Are you kidding?”

    I said “Yeah, but you started it.”

    Ah the entitlement generation.

    Posted:
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