How patient do I need to be with my 9 year old daughter?

killer21 · Sep 10, 2018

My daughter is not obsessive about golf but she loves to play, she knows she is good and knows she needs to practice as the girls she plays against are scoring ridiculously well. An 8 year old had a hole in one in our group Sunday, while the winner shot 37 and four girls tied for second with 40 in brutally cold and windy conditions -My daughter shot a terrible 49 - shanked a sand wedge and GW leading to triples and didn't make any birdies. The week before 3 girls tied with 36, my daughter was 7th, 5 shots back with a 41 (1 birdie and 6 bogies, nothing worse). She has played U.S Kids since she was 5. She has great power, she is just not as consistent with short game and short irons. I feel she is progressing and as talented as the girls she is playing against physically but she is not getting the results. These girls are machines! Does she need to step it up or continue to be patient as it doesn't really matter at this age? We do a range night, short game night and usually a practice round before each tournament as well as a bit of putting in the house. Is this enough? How much are these girls practicing? Her coach doesn't have the same sense of urgency I do but I see how these other girls are doing and I am afraid we are falling behind in progress but I am confident in her abilities.

(Thanks in advance for any comments or experience as this is a bit of therapy for me).

farmer · Sep 10, 2018

She's NINE. She's a child.

Rosco1216 · Sep 10, 2018

If she doesn’t have the sense of urgency or disappointment with losing to these other girls then neither should you.

killer21 · Sep 10, 2018

farmer wrote:

She's NINE. She's a child.

Yes, and the other 9 year olds are making a tonne of birdies, not to mention the odd ace. (Then they go for ice cream after)

BrianMcG · Sep 10, 2018

Lol. Get a grip.

I think you should drop her off at the course and then pick her up 4 hours later. Ask her if she had fun and take her out for some ice cream.

Colleges don’t care how many birdies they had when they were 9.

ChipDriver · Sep 11, 2018

killer21 wrote:

My daughter is not obsessive about golf but she loves to play, she knows she is good and knows she needs to practice as the girls she plays against are scoring ridiculously well. An 8 year old had a hole in one in our group Sunday, while the winner shot 37 and four girls tied for second with 40 in brutally cold and windy conditions -My daughter shot a terrible 49 - shanked a sand wedge and GW leading to triples and didn't make any birdies. The week before 3 girls tied with 36, my daughter was 7th, 5 shots back with a 41 (1 birdie and 6 bogies, nothing worse). She has played U.S Kids since she was 5. She has great power, she is just not as consistent with short game and short irons. I feel she is progressing and as talented as the girls she is playing against physically but she is not getting the results. These girls are machines! Does she need to step it up or continue to be patient as it doesn't really matter at this age? We do a range night, short game night and usually a practice round before each tournament as well as a bit of putting in the house. Is this enough? How much are these girls practicing? Her coach doesn't have the same sense of urgency I do but I see how these other girls are doing and I am afraid we are falling behind in progress but I am confident in her abilities.

(Thanks in advance for any comments or experience as this is a bit of therapy for me).

Why is playing good golf important to you? her?

wildcatden · Sep 11, 2018

killer21 wrote:

My daughter is not obsessive about golf but she loves to play, she knows she is good and knows she needs to practice as the girls she plays against are scoring ridiculously well. An 8 year old had a hole in one in our group Sunday, while the winner shot 37 and four girls tied for second with 40 in brutally cold and windy conditions -My daughter shot a terrible 49 - shanked a sand wedge and GW leading to triples and didn't make any birdies. The week before 3 girls tied with 36, my daughter was 7th, 5 shots back with a 41 (1 birdie and 6 bogies, nothing worse). She has played U.S Kids since she was 5. She has great power, she is just not as consistent with short game and short irons. I feel she is progressing and as talented as the girls she is playing against physically but she is not getting the results. These girls are machines! Does she need to step it up or continue to be patient as it doesn't really matter at this age? We do a range night, short game night and usually a practice round before each tournament as well as a bit of putting in the house. Is this enough? How much are these girls practicing? Her coach doesn't have the same sense of urgency I do but I see how these other girls are doing and I am afraid we are falling behind in progress but I am confident in her abilities.

(Thanks in advance for any comments or experience as this is a bit of therapy for me).

Some key pointss IMHO.

#1: Your daughter has to want to improve. Some very, very, very gentle nudging doesn't hurt too much, but it is far better for her to ask you to take her to the driving range/putting/chipping or playing nine holes than it is for you to ask her if she wants to go practice or play.

#2: If she does want to work on her game, you need to take some time and analyze where she is losing strokes in the tournaments? Work on those weak areas.

#3: See #1.

tiger1873 · Sep 11, 2018

First forget about the other kids. Girls at 9 play very very short courses and at that age they have obsessive dads who line up every shot. I could be wrong but the other kids just swing once all the parents do the work for them.

I hated that sort of thing when my daughter was that age. She would be essentially competing whit parents when it came time to read a putt. The thing is as they get older those kids usually don’t get better but actually get worse. I can’t tell you how many times I see the kid who was winning at 9 be at the bottom of the group when there 12 or 13 and suddenly have to caddie for themselves.

Unfortunately a lot hype for girls have been to push them to make the LPGA before there teenagers which seems to be younger and younger every year. Boys don’t have this problem as much and can learn to play.

BertGA · Sep 11, 2018

It really, really, really doesn't matter at this age. My daughter is 9. She will be competing in her second season of USKids this Fall. She tends to shoot around 45, with the winners shooting around +2.

She was discouraged from signing up this season because of her average scores. Her highest finish was second one week when a couple top girls didn't compete. Instead of comparing your daughter to the top girls, just track her own progress. Analyze her record to the field. If she placed 5 out of 10, Her record is 5-4. She beat some girls. Look at simply improving her own scores week to week, over the course of the season, instead of comparing her to the top finishers.

At this age, I consider it a success that my daughter is still playing, and she has recently become much more willing to practice. Don't worry about outcomes right now, just keep it interesting. Kids that are successful at this age are either naturally talented athletes, or externally motivated by their parents. The first group will be hard to keep up with at any age. The second group will often drop out once they find their own voice.

jholz · Sep 11, 2018

When it comes to kids and sports, patience needs to be infinite. Sports performance is a highly complicated thing and no one has figured out a formula to predict who might be successful, and who might not - despite what all of the scouts and pundits will have you believe. Too often, parents and coaches give up on kids waaaaaaaay too early, simply because a kid doesn't fit their expectations.

Ultimately, you cannot force a kid to "want to win". In many respects, I think it is detrimental to force that kind of attitude on kids. Both life and sports are about more than winning. What you should be focused on is whether or not your kid is enjoying what they are doing, and becoming a better person through the endeavor.

You just have to treat it like that a take what comes.

Golfingdawg19 · Sep 11, 2018

My suggestion is for you to set some goals with your daughter. Don't worry about the other girls scores but set your own goals. As your daughter meets those goals then change them to make it more harder to achieve. For example, when my daughter first got started the goal was to break 50 on 9 holes. Once she did that then it was to break 45. When we got to 18 hole tournaments our goal was to break 85. She finished in second place the other day at a local US kids event and shot 41. She didn't hot the ball well and still managed to shoot that score. At the end of the round, she realized that she should be shooting closer to par than 41. Our goals now are to break 40 each time. Take a look also at who you take your daughter to for lessons. Make sure that whoever you go to is doing things fundamentally to prepare her for the future. Its not all about what she does now. If you don't feel like the person who you work with for lessons is doing a good job, then you may want to try a few others out until you find the right fit. A good instructor isn't going to get to technical with a 9 year old. They are going to do things to make them learn without knowing they are doing it. Once kids get around 11-12 is when most instructors will really start getting serious with the kids. It sounds like you are competing more with the other parents and girls than your daughter is. Just keep practicing hard and work on setting those goals for her to achieve.

BertGA · Sep 11, 2018

One more thought...why did you sign your daughter up for golf? I doubt your goal was to dominate the 9 y/o local 9 hole circuit. Write down your ultimate goal for your daughter’s golf game, and work towards that. It’s a long journey.

DavePelz4 · Sep 11, 2018

The most important thing at her age is to insure she's having fun.

VNutz · Sep 11, 2018

killer21 wrote:

farmer wrote:

She's NINE. She's a child.

Yes, and the other 9 year olds are making a tonne of birdies, not to mention the odd ace. (Then they go for ice cream after)

And I'd be willing to bet a significant amount of those girls will abandon the sport when they burn out in the next decade. Is that what you want for her? Let her learn to love the game, let her have fun. 49 as a 9 year old is fantastic!! My brother coaches a boys high school golf team and you'd be shocked how many cannot shoot that.

BloctonGolf11 · Sep 11, 2018

You have to remember kids (and adults for that matter) progress at their own rates. My 8 year old son plays a lot, practices a lot, (preface because HE wants too, he recently took 3 weeks off because he wanted a break and now he is hard back at it in the backyard/range/course), and has made steady but overall slow progress compared to other kids. He lost to another kid a few weeks ago who was playing his first tournament and has only been playing 3 months. Nothing wrong, just simply life and sports.

Ask yourself two simple questions:

1) Is she having fun and enjoys the game?

2) Is she getting better?

As long as it yes to both of these at age 9, relax and enjoy the ride.

heavy_hitter · Sep 11, 2018

It isn't all about ball striking, chipping, pitching, and putting. Michael Breed fielded a question this morning and the way he answered it was interesting. A guy asked him "Why can't I seem to play well in tournaments? I am not nervous at all, but when I step out there I am always 10-15 shots above what I shoot in a casual round." Breed answered "Because you don't know how to play the game." Went on to tell him that when you play recreationaly the pins are usually in easier positions. In tournament golf you have to understand where the pin is and how to attack it. You have to know where to leave yourself on a dogleg. You must understand where the miss is at all times to give an easy up and down. You need to know where to put the ball on the green to avoid 3-4 putts. Some girls and parents just may be better than you and your daughter at doing this when you are caddying for her.

The great thing is, she is only 9. She has to understand that when you play baseball, tennis, basketball, soccer, etc. that there is always a 50/50 chance at winning and losing that day. With golf you have to set goals to achieve, because if there are 10 girls in the field, she only has a 10% chance of winning. Set long term and short term goals for that day. If you worry about achieving the goals rather than winning and losing, before long she will win one.

kekoa · Sep 11, 2018

BloctonGolf11 wrote:

You have to remember kids (and adults for that matter) progress at their own rates. My 8 year old son plays a lot, practices a lot, (preface because HE wants too, he recently took 3 weeks off because he wanted a break and now he is hard back at it in the backyard/range/course), and has made steady but overall slow progress compared to other kids. He lost to another kid a few weeks ago who was playing his first tournament and has only been playing 3 months. Nothing wrong, just simply life and sports.

Ask yourself two simple questions:

1) Is she having fun and enjoys the game?

2) Is she getting better?

As long as it yes to both of these at age 9, relax and enjoy the ride.

I agree with all of this. Great post. Also, golf parents need to stop worrying about what others are doing as it will drive you nuts.

heavy_hitter · Sep 11, 2018

kekoa wrote:

BloctonGolf11 wrote:

You have to remember kids (and adults for that matter) progress at their own rates. My 8 year old son plays a lot, practices a lot, (preface because HE wants too, he recently took 3 weeks off because he wanted a break and now he is hard back at it in the backyard/range/course), and has made steady but overall slow progress compared to other kids. He lost to another kid a few weeks ago who was playing his first tournament and has only been playing 3 months. Nothing wrong, just simply life and sports.

Ask yourself two simple questions:

1) Is she having fun and enjoys the game?

2) Is she getting better?

As long as it yes to both of these at age 9, relax and enjoy the ride.

Also, golf parents need to stop worrying about what others are doing as it will drive you nuts.

100% agree with this. I don't worry about what others are doing and drive myself nuts. Wait until you cats start trying to figure out how the rankings work and the best tournaments to play in to get rankings up.

spud3 · Sep 11, 2018

killer21 wrote:

Her coach doesn't have the same sense of urgency I do but I see how these other girls are doing and I am afraid we are falling behind in progress but I am confident in her abilities.

Let this statement sink in for a minute.

tiger1873 · Sep 11, 2018

spud3 wrote:

killer21 wrote:

Her coach doesn't have the same sense of urgency I do but I see how these other girls are doing and I am afraid we are falling behind in progress but I am confident in her abilities.

Let this statement sink in for a minute.

To me this depends on the coach who is teaching. If you have a good coach with a lot experience like say for example Iteach then you should let it sink in.

However sometimes you have a guy who can't break 90 or pass the PAT test and says he is great and acts like he knows everything. Look and around and see if this guy actually has taught anyone who is winning anything. If you don't see anyone it might be time fire the guy and get someone who knows what he is talking about. The sad truth is happens more then people think. Everyone says they have the best coach but few really know a good one from a bad one.

sandtrap · Sep 11, 2018

Step back, read this as though someone else’s kid is being written about. Roll your eyes. Repeat.

spud3 · Sep 11, 2018

tiger1873 wrote:

spud3 wrote:

killer21 wrote:

Her coach doesn't have the same sense of urgency I do but I see how these other girls are doing and I am afraid we are falling behind in progress but I am confident in her abilities.

Let this statement sink in for a minute.

To me this depends on the coach who is teaching. If you have a good coach with a lot experience like say for example Iteach then you should let it sink in.

However sometimes you have a guy who can't break 90 or pass the PAT test and says he is great and acts like he knows everything. Look and around and see if this guy actually has taught anyone who is winning anything. If you don't see anyone it might be time fire the guy and get someone who knows what he is talking about. The sad truth is happens more then people think. Everyone says they have the best coach but few really know a good one from a bad one.

Point missed...

IMO, the only thing urgent about a 9 year old is what flavor of ice cream to get. I think the coach has the right idea.

mrshinsa · Sep 11, 2018

spud3 wrote:

tiger1873 wrote:

spud3 wrote:

killer21 wrote:

Her coach doesn't have the same sense of urgency I do but I see how these other girls are doing and I am afraid we are falling behind in progress but I am confident in her abilities.

Let this statement sink in for a minute.

To me this depends on the coach who is teaching. If you have a good coach with a lot experience like say for example Iteach then you should let it sink in.

However sometimes you have a guy who can't break 90 or pass the PAT test and says he is great and acts like he knows everything. Look and around and see if this guy actually has taught anyone who is winning anything. If you don't see anyone it might be time fire the guy and get someone who knows what he is talking about. The sad truth is happens more then people think. Everyone says they have the best coach but few really know a good one from a bad one.

Point missed...

IMO, the only thing urgent about a 9 year old is what flavor of ice cream to get. I think the coach has the right idea.

I disagree.

The most urgent thing is choosing the toppings on their frozen yogurts.

Socrates · Sep 11, 2018

I think you guys are wasting your keyboard fingers. The OP checked out about 18 posts ago.

BertGA · Sep 11, 2018

Socrates wrote:

I think you guys are wasting your keyboard fingers. The OP checked out about 18 posts ago.

If these threads were only for the sake of the OP, they would all be very short. And very boring. The best threads happen when discussions evolve.

tatertot · Sep 11, 2018

killer21 wrote:

Her coach doesn't have the same sense of urgency I do but I see how these other girls are doing and I am afraid we are falling behind in progress but I am confident in her abilities.

(Thanks in advance for any comments or experience as this is a bit of therapy for me).

Progress towards what? And who is this "we"?

Is this about what your daughter wants out of golf, or what you wanted out of golf?

tiger1873 · Sep 11, 2018

tatertot wrote:

killer21 wrote:

Her coach doesn't have the same sense of urgency I do but I see how these other girls are doing and I am afraid we are falling behind in progress but I am confident in her abilities.

(Thanks in advance for any comments or experience as this is a bit of therapy for me).

Progress towards what? And who is this "we"?

Is this about what your daughter wants out of golf, or what you wanted out of golf?

Does it really matter? I know when I pay for lessons I want results. I been with instructors who have no goals and it truly a waste of money and time for everyone.

I question the instruction because the op is wondering why he doesn’t have the same sense of urgency. When you have a good instructor worrying about falling behind isn’t in your head in the first place. If I was the op I would look around and see my options. A lot junior instructors are just working under a pro and have no real certifications. You also get what you pay for too.

tatertot · Sep 11, 2018

tiger1873 wrote:

tatertot wrote:

killer21 wrote:

Her coach doesn't have the same sense of urgency I do but I see how these other girls are doing and I am afraid we are falling behind in progress but I am confident in her abilities.

(Thanks in advance for any comments or experience as this is a bit of therapy for me).

Progress towards what? And who is this "we"?

Is this about what your daughter wants out of golf, or what you wanted out of golf?

Does it really matter? I know when I pay for lessons I want results. I been with instructors who have no goals and it truly a waste of money and time for everyone.

I question the instruction because the op is wondering why he doesn’t have the same sense of urgency. When you have a good instructor worrying about falling behind isn’t in your head in the first place. If I was the op I would look around and see my options. A lot junior instructors are just working under a pro and have no real certifications. You also get what you pay for too.

It matters to the 9 year old.

killer21 · Sep 11, 2018

"First forget about the other kids. Girls at 9 play very very short courses and at that age they have obsessive dads who line up every shot. I could be wrong but the other kids just swing once all the parents do the work for them.

I hated that sort of thing when my daughter was that age. She would be essentially competing whit parents when it came time to read a putt. The thing is as they get older those kids usually don't get better but actually get worse. I can't tell you how many times I see the kid who was winning at 9 be at the bottom of the group when there 12 or 13 and suddenly have to caddie for themselves."

This is very true! I try not to be "that" dad. She has good manners on the course, she plays fast, doesn't take forever to line up putts and putt out. I try to do the right thing with her and that is exactly what happened..., the dad did everything but hit the shot and the girl gets an ace, her second one this year at 8. She is a fairly new player, we had never seen her before. It was great to see, second one we have had in our group in as many years but makes me ask what am I doing wrong! Thank you for the responses....absolutely great discussion and I appreciate a lot of advice on here. I think it is a great reminder to keep letting her set her own goals and progress at her pace even though frustrating (maybe mostly for me). BTW, her coach has a fantastic resume, good demeanor and played Div 1 and some LPGA but is very unassuming, she would never talk about it. She said to set goals and play the course. I appreciate the support here as I guess it just got to me a bit this weekend! My daughter doubts herself some times. I don't ever want her to doubt her talent and golf mind - they are both great. Hopefully this will help some other parents in a similar situation.

killer21 · Sep 11, 2018

Socrates wrote:

I think you guys are wasting your keyboard fingers. The OP checked out about 18 posts ago.

??

wildcatden · Sep 11, 2018

killer21 wrote:

Socrates wrote:

I think you guys are wasting your keyboard fingers. The OP checked out about 18 posts ago.

??

@Killer21 - The post is just your typical internet forum stuff. Regarding your daughter, she either wants to get good at golf or she doesn't. At age 9, she still has lots of time to get better.

Below is some sage advice from TigerMom on internet postings in a public forum and what to do with them. This post below is one of my favorite posts from 2018.

TigerMom wrote:

This is internet

You post and get replies you don’t want to hear? IGNORE what you think is not relevant

Take what is useful and adjust frame of mind and world view as needed

If you think you are right anyway, stick to it

Crying will not help

How patient do I need to be with my 9 year old daughter?

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