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Could Use A Laugh....

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  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area. 25074ClubWRX Posts: 25,074
    Joined:  #122
    Had to go see my primary the other day. Told him I can’t stop singing the ‘Green Green Grass of Home’



    He said: ‘That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome’.



    I asked if it was common.



    ‘It’s not unusual’ he replied.
    Posted:
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  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area. 25074ClubWRX Posts: 25,074
    Joined:  #123
    Ole and Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena's knee.



    Giggling, Lena said, "Ole, you can go a little farder now if ya vant to"... so Ole drove to Duluth.
    Posted:
  • thug the bunnythug the bunny  6141Members Posts: 6,141
    Joined:  #124
    DavePelz4 wrote:


    Ole and Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena's knee.



    Giggling, Lena said, "Ole, you can go a little farder now if ya vant to"... so Ole drove to Duluth.




    Now that is stupid funny. I'm adding it to my bag. Steal!
    Posted:
  • disco111disco111  1110Members Posts: 1,110
    Joined:  #125
    Local news report stated that a drug store was burglarized and the they got away with Viagra and Cialis................So now police are on the lookout for hardened criminals...... image/pimp.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':pimp:' />
    Posted:
  • hangubberhangubber  221Members Posts: 221
    Joined:  #126
    The news also reported that the cops were trying to figure out who stole all the toilets from the police station....but they got nothing to go on.
    Posted:
  • AllfatAllfat  161Members Posts: 161
    Joined:  #127
    Did you hear about the Indian that drank too much tea?



    He drowned in his tea-pee!
    Posted:
  • GolfWRXGolfWRX Warning Points: 0  11 Members Posts: 11 #ad
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  • augustgolfaugustgolf Golf with dignity Coastal NC 3937Members Posts: 3,937
    Joined:  #128
    I tried writing a novella about a pencil without lead. I gave up because it was pointless
    Posted:
    Pings from the beginning

    OGA member 1415
    or is it 1514...
    I don't remember exactly
  • thug the bunnythug the bunny  6141Members Posts: 6,141
    Joined:  edited Apr 18, 2017 #129
    Two buddies come to the 15th tee, which is elevated above a nearby river where they see a couple guys fishing, and the one guy says to his bud, "Look at those idiots fishing in the rain..."
    Posted:
  • Stuwake03Stuwake03  81Members Posts: 81
    Joined:  #130
    These are great. Haha
    Posted:
  • From_Parts_UnknownFrom_Parts_Unknown  1914Members Posts: 1,914
    Joined:  #131
    A woman arrived at a party and while scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing across the room, alone.



    She approached him, smiled and said, “Hello, my name is Carmen.”



    He replied, “That is a beautiful name. Is it a family name?”



    She answered, “No, as a matter of fact, I gave it to myself. It represents the two things that I enjoy most – cars and men. Therefore, I chose Carmen.” Then she asked, “What’s your name?”



    He answered, “B.J. Titsengolf”
    Posted:
  • NVS_PegasusNVS_Pegasus Virginia 96Members Posts: 96
    Joined:  #132


    A woman arrived at a party and while scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing across the room, alone.



    She approached him, smiled and said, “Hello, my name is Carmen.”



    He replied, “That is a beautiful name. Is it a family name?”



    She answered, “No, as a matter of fact, I gave it to myself. It represents the two things that I enjoy most – cars and men. Therefore, I chose Carmen.” Then she asked, “What’s your name?”



    He answered, “B.J. Titsengolf”





    Stolen! I have to use this one.
    Posted:
    [font=times new roman,times,serif]Driver: TM Aeroburner Mini-Driver 12.5[/font]
    3W: Titleist 915F3 15.0
    5W: TM Jetspeed
    [font=times new roman, times, serif]​3 Iron: Titleist MB 716[/font]
    [font=times new roman, times, serif]​4-P: Titleist MB 714's[/font]
    52: TM ATV
    [font=times new roman, times, serif]​58: Titelst Vokey Wedgeworks[/font]
    60: Titleist Vokey
    Putter: Nike Method
  • GolfWRXGolfWRX Warning Points: 0  11 Members Posts: 11 #ad
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  • Argonne69Argonne69  22703Members Posts: 22,703
    Joined:  #133
    The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.



    She still isn't talking to me.
    Posted:
  • MedicMedic  9422Members Posts: 9,422
    Joined:  #134
    Argonne69 wrote:


    The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.



    She still isn't talking to me.




    I don't get it. I LOL'd at this one out loud.



    My wife is sitting next to me watching 48 Hours and my laugh interrupted her. So she asked me what I was laughing at so hard - and I read this joke to her.



    She gave me a dirty look, said "that's not funny", and went back to her show.



    Uh oh. Now she looked over at me in the process of this reply.



    Gotta go. I liked the jok..........
    Posted:
    Callaway Epic with Fujikura 62s in 45.25 set at 12.5*
    Taylormade Rbz FW (17*)
    Callaway X-Hot Pro 20* Hybrid
    Callaway Steelhead 4-PW w/KBS 90s
    Titleist Vokey 50*
    Titleist Vokey SM-6 56*
    Titleist Vokey SM-6 60-08 M
    Tad Moore TM-1 35"
    Callaway Chrome Soft
  • thug the bunnythug the bunny  6141Members Posts: 6,141
    Joined:  #135
    Medic wrote:

    Argonne69 wrote:


    The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.



    She still isn't talking to me.




    I don't get it. I LOL'd at this one out loud.



    My wife is sitting next to me watching 48 Hours and my laugh interrupted her. So she asked me what I was laughing at so hard - and I read this joke to her.



    She gave me a dirty look, said "that's not funny", and went back to her show.



    Uh oh. Now she looked over at me in the process of this reply.



    Gotta go. I liked the jok..........




    Looks like you owe her a foot rub med...
    Posted:
  • disco111disco111  1110Members Posts: 1,110
    Joined:  #136




    Robin Williams on golf (the clean version - after all WRX is family orientated)
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  • elwhippyelwhippy  3277Members Posts: 3,277
    Joined:  #137
    Liverpool will win the Premier League this season.
    Posted:
  • GolfWRXGolfWRX Warning Points: 0  11 Members Posts: 11 #ad
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  • Argonne69Argonne69  22703Members Posts: 22,703
    Joined:  #138


    Even after seeing all of the Jurassic Park movies I still feel like a dinosaur theme park sounds like a really good idea.
    Posted:
  • Argonne69Argonne69  22703Members Posts: 22,703
    Joined:  #139


    Something kinda neat i found out…if you ignore a problem for long enough, it either goes away, or ruins your life.



    So 50/50. Pretty good odds if you ask me.
    Posted:
  • Argonne69Argonne69  22703Members Posts: 22,703
    Joined:  #140
    I dropped 8 lbs, 7 ounces this weekend.



    Why, yes, I lost my job in the maternity ward.
    Posted:
  • Argonne69Argonne69  22703Members Posts: 22,703
    Joined:  #141
    I stopped for breakfast this morning morning at IHOP.



    All-You-Can-Eat Pancakes should be called Four Pancakes.
    Posted:
  • NoTalentLeftyNoTalentLefty  3640Members Posts: 3,640
    Joined:  #142
    Greg Norman has started his change to become a woman. Going to write a book titled 'Golf without Balls'.
    Posted:
    Livin' proof that Lefties are not naturally talented.

    Driver Callaway Epic Flash 10.5 set to 9.5
    3 and 5 Wood Ping G15
    3-5 Hybrids Cobra Baffler XL
    6-PW Titleist AP1s
    50 degree GW Titleist SM4
    56 degree SW Vokey SM7 
    Ping Anser 6 Milled Putter
  • GolfWRXGolfWRX Warning Points: 0  11 Members Posts: 11 #ad
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  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area. 25074ClubWRX Posts: 25,074
    Joined:  #143
    Took a philosophy class at the local community college and failed the final miserably. Apparently it was wrong to put Descartes before the horse.
    Posted:
  • Argonne69Argonne69  22703Members Posts: 22,703
    Joined:  #144
    A duck is standing next to a busy road, looking for an opening in traffic. A chicken walks up to him and says, "Don't do it, man! You'll never hear the end of it!"
    Posted:
  • canthitathreewoodcanthitathreewood  214Members Posts: 214
    Joined:  #145
    Two elderly Irish gentlemen are firmly planted on bar stools at the 19th hole. The first bloke remarks to the other, "you know I grew up on these links". "Yeah", the other excitedly replies, "I did too, the house I grew up in still sits across the tracks from the third green!", he continued. First bloke says "what a small world, you didn't by chance go through St. Mary's grade school?" Second bloke almost falls off his bar stool, "of course I did", "went through with the class of 46'". First bloke guzzles the end of his porter and exclaims "we're the same age, I was also in the class of 46", "what a small world". About that time the bartender turns to the barmaid and advises that "it's going to be a long night", barmaid asks "why". Bartender explains, "the O,Brien twins are drunk again".
    Posted:
    Play Hard!
  • 2ball2ball LEFTY  613Members Posts: 613
    Joined:  #146
    Two Irishmen walk out of a bar....
    Posted:
  • 2ball2ball LEFTY  613Members Posts: 613
    Joined:  #147
    augustgolf wrote:


    A blind man enters a bar and find his way to a barstool.

    After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”

    The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet.

    In a husky, deep voice,the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I’m a 6′ tall, 200 pound blonde with a black belt in karate.

    What’s more, the fella sitting next to me is blonde and he’s a weightlifter. The woman to your right is a blonde, and she’s a pro wrestler.

    Think about it seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that blonde joke?”

    The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”



    (rim shot)




    i'm stealin this one....
    Posted:
  • GolfWRXGolfWRX Warning Points: 0  11 Members Posts: 11 #ad
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  • MattTheTaffMattTheTaff Oh, I used to be disgusted.. and now I try to be amused  2252Members Posts: 2,252
    Joined:  #148
    Where does a pirate keep his buccaneers?



    On his buckin'head
    Posted:
    Titleist 905R - 10.5°
    Titleist 904f - 17°
    Cleveland Mashie - 20.5°
    Mizuno MP32 - 3-PW
    Cleveland 588 Forged 54°/60°
    Wilson Staff 8882
  • MattTheTaffMattTheTaff Oh, I used to be disgusted.. and now I try to be amused  2252Members Posts: 2,252
    Joined:  edited Aug 29, 2017 #149
    A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says "five beers please"
    Posted:
    Post edited by Unknown User on
    Titleist 905R - 10.5°
    Titleist 904f - 17°
    Cleveland Mashie - 20.5°
    Mizuno MP32 - 3-PW
    Cleveland 588 Forged 54°/60°
    Wilson Staff 8882
  • hammer1hammer1 OrangeDot Connecticut 310Members Posts: 310
    Joined:  #150
    Overheard at the member/guest the other day: "We'll have a shotgun start and an AK-47 finish."
    Posted:
    PING G400 MAX driver, 10.5*, Tour 65 shaft
    PING K15 3 wood, TFC 149F shaft
    PING G15 hybrid, 23*, TFC 149H shaft
    PING G400 irons, 5-U, AWT 2.0 steel shafts
    PING Eye 2 XG SW and LW, TFC 149I shaft
    PING Zing 5 KS stainless steel putter
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  • DavePelz4DavePelz4 A golf course in the Chicago area. 25074ClubWRX Posts: 25,074
    Joined:  #151
    Ole and Lena had a boy, Ole Junior, who came home from school one day. Ole Junior said, "Papa, I have da biggest feet in da third grade. Is dat becoss I'm really Norvegian?" "No," said Ole, "It's because you're 15"
    Posted:
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