Had An Issue With Younger Players & Etiquette

[Tom7]

I had a frustrating experience last night and I'm curious if others can relate. Decided to sneak in 9 after work and was paired with two high school sophomores. For reference, I recently hit my 30's and don't consider myself ancient.

 

Problems started on the first tee when neither guy would make eye contact with me after my cart pulled up. I tried to break the ice and said "Thanks for letting me join, hope you don't mind." Only got "Yeah it's fine" in response. Things got stranger from there. I hit a drive left toward some trees and the guys didn't even fake trying to watch my line or help find my ball. Once I did find it, they had begun putting while I was trying to hit a wedge to the green. Later they were watching videos when I was swinging, and on and on.

 

I can't remember having another experience like it and I didn't know what to do. Part of me wanted to confront them and say it's not okay but I decided to let it go. Was I being unreasonable? Can't imagine this is common but wanted to hear what others thought.

[TheBiles]

When I’m paired with kids like that I just ignore them and worry about my own game. I’m not going to teach them any lessons or change their perspective on golf etiquette in 18 holes, and I don’t have the patience to deal with other people’s kids. I’ll be respectful and set an example, but I’m not lecturing anyone. I run across a group like that a couple times a year, and it’s not worth my time to care. I have my own teenagers at home to deal with. 

[Maine Golfer]

Normally the random HS kids I run into in the summer are kind / fine. Im also in my 30s and try to cut them some slack. I would not want to blow up on them but it sucks when basic respect is lacking 

[Tom7]

2 minutes ago, TheBiles said:

I’m not going to teach them any lessons or change their perspective on golf etiquette in 18 holes

 

I have my own teenagers at home to deal with. 

 

Very good points! Looking back, I'm glad I didn't say anything. Kinda silly to think anything I'd say would change their behavior and I definitely let it get in my head too much. Next time I'll stay focused on just enjoying my round.

[Augster]

Sounds like you joined their tee time then wanted them to watch you play. I’d be about as interested in watching a random’s game as they were. 
 

You make 2-3 birdies in a row, then my interest would be piqued. 

[naj959]

Welcome to Gen z 😜. Sounds like they didn't want to be paired up with anyone. How busy was the course? I would have excused myself and found an open hole to play if the course wasn't busy. Some folks aren't social and that's fine. I didn't read anything agregious other than putting out during your wedge shot.

[ShortGolfer]

I can't be social while looking for my ball!  I carry cheap balls in addition to the premium urethane balls, so I can tell my random partner(s) not to bother looking, I'll just drop another ball!

I've also learned how to play faster.  Just pitch the ball back onto the fairway.  No time for hero shots.  Fairways and greens.

[betarhoalphadelta]

Sounds to me like they simply have ZERO clue about etiquette. Maybe nobody has ever actually taught them anything about it? Other than the lack of etiquette, did the rest of their game look like they were rank beginners? 

 

I find that most players learn etiquette from an adult (usually relative) in their life who introduces them to the game. I learned golf etiquette from my dad, and when my son took up the game I made sure he knew the expectations on a course before I ever let him go play a round without me. If they don't really have that, they might just not have any clue whatsoever. 

[Pepperturbo]

Not much to do.  And, yes, unreasonable. 

To them, you're old, not as old as I am but old just the same. 

 

Play your own game and find your ball.  Don't except people you play with to help you.  At any age, that's a recipe for disappointment.  That way, if people are social and help you eye your ball, you'll be pleasantly surprised.

Edited May 18 by Pepperturbo

[pseudoswede]

Many years ago, I played with two high schoolers at the local 9-hole executive course. They both went to the high school both of my kids are going/did go to. I learned they both played on the school's varsity hockey team, and their swings was nothing but arms. Anyways, they kept to themselves, and I played my own game (I think I shot +2 or +3). Near the end, I told them that their swings were a good start, but they need to work on utilizing hip motion--much like how they need to rotate their hips for a more powerful slap shop. They said thanks, and most likely promptly forgot what I said.

 

tl;dr - as long as they don't spit on me or kick me in the nutz, I don't care.

[BigfootGolf]

I have no problem with the younger kids are usually intimidate the hell out of them with my short game. All courses needs to post a board next to each hole at the tee call lessons from the legends and teach etiquette to all the new people entering this game and have no clue about how it’s supposed to be played the proper way.

[Dpavs]

Yeah... it's a no win situation unfortunately so as others have said you just have to do your own thing and try to enjoy the golf and ignore all else.

 

That said... part of me (the more sarcastic and silent inner part) would still like ask kids like this - "So are you guys working with the school golf coach?" and then when they say no they are not on the team... just say "Ah... that makes sense."

Edited May 18 by Dpavs

[North Butte]

Do grown men really feel a deep seated need to engage in some kind of battle of "wits" with a couple teenagers? That has never in the history of world ended in anything other than embarrassment with the supposed grown-up in that encounter. 

[MountainKing]

It's your job to watch your ball,  not your playing partners, and sure as heck not strangers.  How long were you looking for your ball  that they were able to play their shots,  advance to the green and start putting?

 

 

[Greenie]

25 minutes ago, MountainKing said:

It's your job to watch your ball,  not your playing partners, and sure as heck not strangers.  How long were you looking for your ball  that they were able to play their shots,  advance to the green and start putting?

 

 

 

I was thinking the same thing.

 

The OP's post could be describing the guys I play with and myself and we are in our sixties. Sometimes no one is watching another guy teeing off. It's on you to follow your tee shot. We don't like to spend to much time looking for balls. We like to play ready golf. It's not unusual in my group to have someone after hitting their next shot and being on the green to go ahead and be putting if someone else is is not ready to hit up. 

 

I will watch another person teeing off if I am not doing something else. If I know where a ball went I will tell the person the general area I saw it land and roll to. I usually don't help someone looking for lost balls. I'll look for another person's ball if it is in the general area I am playing my shot from. My group likes to keep things rolling.

 

When strangers are paired up not everyone's expectations are the same. The only thing that might have bothered me was if the guys watching videos had the volume on loud enough that I could hear it while I was hitting.

 

[North Butte]

4 hours ago, Greenie said:

 

I was thinking the same thing.

 

The OP's post could be describing the guys I play with and myself and we are in our sixties. Sometimes no one is watching another guy teeing off. It's on you to follow your tee shot. We don't like to spend to much time looking for balls. We like to play ready golf. It's not unusual in my group to have someone after hitting their next shot and being on the green to go ahead and be putting if someone else is is not ready to hit up. 

 

I will watch another person teeing off if I am not doing something else. If I know where a ball went I will tell the person the general area I saw it land and roll to. I usually don't help someone looking for lost balls. I'll look for another person's ball if it is in the general area I am playing my shot from. My group likes to keep things rolling.

 

When strangers are paired up not everyone's expectations are the same. The only thing that might have bothered me was if the guys watching videos had the volume on loud enough that I could hear it while I was hitting.

 

Your group sounds like me and the guys I play with. Maybe we're a bunch of 60 to 75 year old teenagers? 

[Dpavs]

13 hours ago, North Butte said:

Do grown men really feel a deep seated need to engage in some kind of battle of "wits" with a couple teenagers? That has never in the history of world ended in anything other than embarrassment with the supposed grown-up in that encounter. 

 

I'm not sure anyone has encouraged getting into a battle of wits with them.  Either way though, IMO, under any circumstances anyone can think what they want (pretty much a protected liberty still as I recall), but good conscious (and where applicable, the law) should always control the actual actions taken. But then we know that is not how the world actually works either, don't we?

Edited May 19 by Dpavs

[caniac6]

We just returned from vacation yesterday. Our condo was on the 9th tee of a pretty expensive course. I spent a fair amount of time on our balcony watching guys tee off. I couldn’t believe how many fairly young guys I saw standing directly behind guys teeing off, and taking practice swings while the guy was addressing the ball. Either that, or moving around, or talking with someone in the cart. 

[Dpavs]

2 minutes ago, caniac6 said:

We just returned from vacation yesterday. Our condo was on the 9th tee of a pretty expensive course. I spent a fair amount of time on our balcony watching guys tee off. I couldn’t believe how many fairly young guys I saw standing directly behind guys teeing off, and taking practice swings while the guy was addressing the ball. Either that, or moving around, or talking with someone in the cart. 

 

Welcome to the golf for everyman era! lol

 

Oddly and perhaps a bit funny to me is that it does not seem to disturb the people they generally play with so it definitely appears to be a quantum shift in what is deemed acceptable etiquette. It does become a bit of an issue, IMO, when it rubs the customary norms across various demographic groups.

 

If only everyone would abide by three pretty simple things from the USGA rules of golf, odd and sometime unpleasant encounters might be fewer and farther between.

 

1.2 Standards of Player Conduct

a. Conduct Expected of All Players

All players are expected to play in the spirit of the game by:

• Acting with integrity – for example, by following the Rules, applying all penalties, and being honest in all aspects of play.

• Showing consideration to others – for example, by playing at a prompt pace, looking out for the safety of others, and not distracting the play of another player. If a player plays a ball in a direction where there might be a danger of hitting someone, they should immediately shout a warning, such as the traditional warning of “fore”.

• Taking good care of the course – for example, by replacing divots, smoothing bunkers, repairing ball-marks, and not causing unnecessary damage to the course.

 

To be honest, I would love to see this prominently posted in every club house right by the check in counter.

[MountainKing]

7 hours ago, Greenie said:

 

I was thinking the same thing.

 

The OP's post could be describing the guys I play with and myself and we are in our sixties. Sometimes no one is watching another guy teeing off. It's on you to follow your tee shot. We don't like to spend to much time looking for balls. We like to play ready golf. It's not unusual in my group to have someone after hitting their next shot and being on the green to go ahead and be putting if someone else is is not ready to hit up. 

 

I will watch another person teeing off if I am not doing something else. If I know where a ball went I will tell the person the general area I saw it land and roll to. I usually don't help someone looking for lost balls. I'll look for another person's ball if it is in the general area I am playing my shot from. My group likes to keep things rolling.

 

When strangers are paired up not everyone's expectations are the same. The only thing that might have bothered me was if the guys watching videos had the volume on loud enough that I could hear it while I was hitting.

 

 

My group ranges in age from mid 20s to mid 40s and we're the same way.   If you're looking,  the other three hit and you haven't found it,  it's lost.  The only time we might help each other is if it's slow, but otherwise the entire group going on a search party is part of what slows things up.

 

Unless these two were playing speed golf,  for two guys to hit and then get to the green you gotta figure the 3 minutes was more than up.

[MountainKing]

1 hour ago, Dpavs said:

 

Welcome to the golf for everyman era! lol

 

Oddly and perhaps a bit funny to me is that it does not seem to disturb the people they generally play with so it definitely appears to be a quantum shift in what is deemed acceptable etiquette. It does become a bit of an issue, IMO, when it rubs the customary norms across various demographic groups.

 

If only everyone would abide by three pretty simple things from the USGA rules of golf, odd and sometime unpleasant encounters might be fewer and farther between.

 

1.2 Standards of Player Conduct

a. Conduct Expected of All Players

All players are expected to play in the spirit of the game by:

• Acting with integrity – for example, by following the Rules, applying all penalties, and being honest in all aspects of play.

• Showing consideration to others – for example, by playing at a prompt pace, looking out for the safety of others, and not distracting the play of another player. If a player plays a ball in a direction where there might be a danger of hitting someone, they should immediately shout a warning, such as the traditional warning of “fore”.

• Taking good care of the course – for example, by replacing divots, smoothing bunkers, repairing ball-marks, and not causing unnecessary damage to the course.

 

To be honest, I would love to see this prominently posted in every club house right by the check in counter.

 

Outside of tournament play,  as long as you're keeping pace,  taking care of the course,  being respectful to the other groups on the course,  I don't think it's up to any of us to dictate how an individual group acts in  it's bubble.  

[Dpavs]

16 minutes ago, MountainKing said:

 

Outside of tournament play,  as long as you're keeping pace,  taking care of the course,  being respectful to the other groups on the course,  I don't think it's up to any of us to dictate how an individual group acts in  it's bubble.  

 

I think that is pretty much the spirit of 1.2a, so I think we agree then.

[Tom7]

Appreciate the feedback! The course was very busy and we were forced to play together, but that doesn't excuse my expectations being unreasonable.

 

Looking back after a couple of days, I don't know why I was so upset. I can only control me and should've focused on my game. I like to introduce myself to strangers and help look for balls, which is great. But I shouldn't be so bothered if others aren't the same* way.

 

This thread has been a good wakeup call as I'm getting back into the game more seriously - play my ball, be respectful, and anything else is a nice bonus.

Edited May 20 by Tom7
typo

[bcjim]

22 hours ago, MountainKing said:

 

My group ranges in age from mid 20s to mid 40s and we're the same way.   If you're looking,  the other three hit and you haven't found it,  it's lost.  The only time we might help each other is if it's slow, but otherwise the entire group going on a search party is part of what slows things up.

 

Unless these two were playing speed golf,  for two guys to hit and then get to the green you gotta figure the 3 minutes was more than up.

We'll look if we're on the same side of the fairway but if we're all on the other side,  good luck. 

[North Butte]

7 hours ago, Tom7 said:

This thread has been a good wakeup call as I'm getting back into the game more seriously - play my ball, be respectful, and anything else is a nice bonus.

Not to go all Zen koan on you but sometimes the best way to get into the game more seriously is by not taking it too seriously 😲

[dugue4]

I don't mind being paired with people but if I was paired with high school kids I would have gone back to the clubhouse and asked for a new tee time or a refund.  I teach high school, I don't want to be around any more teenagers than I have to.  (I like my job, I promise 😁). Nothing good comes from a round like this.  They are going to have their own conversations and if you engage in their conversation you're the weird guy.  If you say nothing, you are p[laying a round by yourself but still have to wait for other people.  

 

I had a situation similar to this where they paired me with 2 HS girls.  There was no way I was going to do that, but luckily they let me go ahead of them solo.

[Shankyouverymuch]

I went out for a afternoon nine with my wife last summer. I am 56.  I was playing and she was just riding around with me. There was a group on the tee and some others waiting. The twosome in front of me was a soon to be college freshman and his buddy who was going to be a senior in HS. We were just chatting about looks like iot will be a slow one this evening and they offered to have me join them. Shook my hand, looked me in the eye and just all around respectful, great kids. Even better was they had not heard any of my horrible dad golf jokes! 😄

[Bonneville85308]

I've been paired with other very young/inexperienced players during the past couple years and have seen the same "antisocial" behavior where it feels like you are playing in two separate groups within the same group. Then I remember that I wasn't outgoing at all when I was in high school (and that was before smartphones existed), and I'd rather someone be quiet/antisocial than be a loudmouth drunk or go off on political rants on the course.

 

I don't "correct" anyone unless their behavior or lack of etiquette is causing a safety issue towards myself or others or causing a serious pace of play issue.

 

I also feel like the current covid era of new golfers often came into the game in different ways than prior generations; in many cases they didn't have a parent or other experienced player to serve as an example and teach them golf etiquette. That's not their fault.  And remember, your typical lower end public course player isn't going to be a stickler for the rules.

 

[Naptime]

Never trust anyone over 30! 🙂

To a high schooler even a recent college graduate is old.  They probably have an uncle your age.

 

My adult son and I were paired recently with a couple of HS players.  We exchanged pleasantries on the first tee and got on with playing golf.  They did their thing and we did ours.  Worked out fine.

 

When I play with my usual old fart buddies 3 of us play ready golf.  The fourth frankly is pretty erratic from shot to shot and will spend too much time looking for balls that are way lost (as opposed to just off the fairway lost) to the point where I tell him I will give him a sleeve of Pro-V1s if he stops poking around.

 

As a practical matter we never go back to the tee to rehit.  If you lose a ball just drop where you last saw it in the same general conditions and add a stroke.  Yes I realize it's not real golf rules but I'm the only one of the 4 that even has an index.  🙂

 

 

[Binson]

I don't think it's specific to age.  I think it's common courtesy to try to keep an eye on the flight of the ball mostly to make it as easy as possible to find. Not doing that just slows down play.  It's not for entertainment purposes. 

 

Assuming your group is keeping up with the group ahead, it's definitely weird for people to be putting while others haven't reached the green yet.