The "You love/care about golf more than you do me" argument with spouse/significant other

[Joe V.]

My wife grew up playing, and we have played together since we met. We basically spent our honeymoon playing golf.

 

As the kids came along we both tapered off due to their activities, me only playing about ten times a year, her not at all for many years. Now with college-aged children she she is back with a vengeance, and we play together frequently and take golf trips together.

 

She's generally happy playing once a week, and I'll either play with a friend or one of our sons another day or two. Never an issue in our house. Ever.

 

I chose well...

[widow-maker]

Absolutely. And she should ponder the reason being and her place in it.

[slimeone]

I certainly wish there was a magic pill for this one but in reality this can be a serious issue. When I was younger I would try to fall back on the "at least I am not out doing something worse" line (and actually believing that should work).....now looking back at that I can see that had the same chance of working as me trying to hit a Hogen Apex 1 iron. In her eyes I was gone and regardless of what I was doing gone was gone.

I was playing at least twice a week and hitting balls at least twice a week.....and for some reason my wife thought she was not important to me???? After enough fighting and resentment for some reason I tried to look at the equation from her side. I thought there is no way I would put up with her being gone 4 or 5 days of the week and then watch her catch up on chores the other two days and feel like I meant much to her.

I could not find it in myself to play and not work at it so I quit. I resented having to quit something I loved, so I had to search for an answer. Here is where the magic happened and boys if you want an answer that will work grab you a pen and pencil cause here I go.....I found a way to quit golf and not resent not being on the course. I started riding fast motorcycles for short distances and once the car did a U-turn in front of me and I flipped over it compound fracturing both arms...presto! I eventually got out of ICU and spent the next (lots of) months rehabbing. I was no longer on the course and quit thinking about the course because I could barely wipe my own a**. I could not feed myself and my wife was there for me and I appreciated her.

After 9 years of no golf I finally started back this year. But, I have cut it back to one or two rounds a week and one or two practice sessions a week ...OK, not much of a cut back BUT this time around she thinks I am working for most practice sessions and sometime one of the weekly rounds.

So, crash a bike and then come back but don't tell her how much you are golfing. My synopsis:

Crash a bike to bring you closer and then when you start back lie to the most important person in your life.

It works!!

So when you're playing mid-week and your wife thinks you're working, what does your work think you're doing?

[Warrick]

If you take care of your duties as a man, who is to tell you what you can, and can't do?

 

I am not in any way sexist, but I work full time, she works part time. I pay all the bills, provide insurance, she does what she wants with her money. I bought her a brand new car, I drive a 14 year old truck.

 

I have a good kid (his Das is a hard-Word not allowed).

 

No one is telling me I am not playing golf, life is too short, and it makes me extremely happy. The other thing is, I married a good women, and I doubt she would ever utter some BS like that.

 

 

You have to stack the deck in your favor.

[pearsonified]

The sun will rise; the sun will set.

 

Women will b*tch.

 

I'll still be out on the course.

 

*eagle screech*

 

Merica.

[Mdemuth]

Any wife that isn't happy you do something that makes you happy, shouldn't be a wife...

[callawayjay]

If you use it subconsciously as an excuse to get away from her then that’s bad news. If you hide it or hide your expenditures then that too is bad news. I don’t play on the weekends. I get out during the week. I work nights. I work Saturday. Sunday is the best day of the week. I get to spend it with my family. Monday is a golf day.

[Browns71213]

Honestly this has never happened to me. Whenever I say golf my wife says "Sure, I'll get my clubs"!

[SixtySomePing]

... amazes me how two people who love each other and get married would need to argue about something that brings one of them happiness if it doesn't change their love for each other...

[LeftyLuck]

... amazes me how two people who love each other and get married would need to argue about something that brings one of them happiness if it doesn't change their love for each other...

From Pelham 123

 

Ryder: Well, I got faith in you man... but I gotta ask you one question. You know that thing when you told your wife about the 35K, how did she react?

Walter Garber: Look, we gotta talk about...

Ryder: No, don't be sensitive.

Walter Garber: I'm not being sensitive.

Ryder: Well, did she freak out or what?

Walter Garber: She... wasn't happy, but she understood.

Ryder: Well, that's love right?

Walter Garber: No, that's marriage... that's another thing.

[SixtySomePing]

... amazes me how two people who love each other and get married would need to argue about something that brings one of them happiness if it doesn't change their love for each other...

From Pelham 123

 

Ryder: Well, I got faith in you man... but I gotta ask you one question. You know that thing when you told your wife about the 35K, how did she react?

Walter Garber: Look, we gotta talk about...

Ryder: No, don't be sensitive.

Walter Garber: I'm not being sensitive.

Ryder: Well, did she freak out or what?

Walter Garber: She... wasn't happy, but she understood.

Ryder: Well, that's love right?

Walter Garber: No, that's marriage... that's another thing.

 

From Real Life

Been married 44 years so try this...

1995, my wife has breast cancer,

Hospital calls in the middle of the night after a seemingly normal visit and says 'you'd better come back, she has taken a turn for the worse'.. I get there and they tell me she's not going to make it

Me Can you hear me?..

Her No response...

Me Thanks doc, I'll call the rest of the family to come...

Fast forward to 2018, dang if that feisty chick didn't pull through and survive ;)

Now she's healthier than all of us, at 62 runs half marathons, does zumba, cardio and just came home from kick-box class, and is practicing for her first tri-a-thalon....

Should I argue with her that she cares a lot more about these than me? Nope, I love it that she is here and can do them, and I remember that night they called me to the hospital in '95.... who is Ryder and Garber again?

[LeftyLuck]

... amazes me how two people who love each other and get married would need to argue about something that brings one of them happiness if it doesn't change their love for each other...

From Pelham 123

 

Ryder: Well, I got faith in you man... but I gotta ask you one question. You know that thing when you told your wife about the 35K, how did she react?

Walter Garber: Look, we gotta talk about...

Ryder: No, don't be sensitive.

Walter Garber: I'm not being sensitive.

Ryder: Well, did she freak out or what?

Walter Garber: She... wasn't happy, but she understood.

Ryder: Well, that's love right?

Walter Garber: No, that's marriage... that's another thing.

 

From Real Life

Been married 44 years so try this...

1995, my wife has breast cancer,

Hospital calls in the middle of the night after a seemingly normal visit and says 'you'd better come back, she has taken a turn for the worse'.. I get there and they tell me she's not going to make it

Me Can you hear me?..

Her No response...

Me Thanks doc, I'll call the rest of the family to come...

Fast forward to 2018, dang if that feisty chick didn't pull through and survive ;)

Now she's healthier than all of us, at 62 runs half marathons, does zumba, cardio and just came home from kick-box class, and is practicing for her first tri-a-thalon....

Should I argue with her that she cares a lot more about these than me? Nope, I love it that she is here and can do them, and I remember that night they called me to the hospital in '95.... who is Ryder and Garber again?

Wow. I am sorry to hear about that. I am glad she recovered and hope you all are doing well. Hopefully you know I didn't mean that movie quote in a negative way. I didn't know of your situation.

[buckeye88us]

The sun will rise; the sun will set.

 

Women will b*tch.

 

I'll still be out on the course.

 

*eagle screech*

 

Merica.

On a plane...Just laughed out loud!

 

[Titleist 670]

If you date someone, play a lot of golf, and they have no issue with it, marriage shouldn't change anything. If marriage itself changes your relationship, you married the wrong person.

 

Kids, however, are naturally going to changes things because they are a lot of responsibility, and you simply won't have as much time to do the things that you were able to do when you didn't have them. If you still prioritize golf over family once you have kids, man up and cut back on your golf. Once or twice a week is reasonable, but if you're not home 5 days a week due to golf while your wife is at home taking care of the children, don't expect her to be happy.

[uitar9]

Luckily my wife is into it and plays at least once week with me.

[SixtySomePing]

... amazes me how two people who love each other and get married would need to argue about something that brings one of them happiness if it doesn't change their love for each other...

From Pelham 123

 

Ryder: Well, I got faith in you man... but I gotta ask you one question. You know that thing when you told your wife about the 35K, how did she react?

Walter Garber: Look, we gotta talk about...

Ryder: No, don't be sensitive.

Walter Garber: I'm not being sensitive.

Ryder: Well, did she freak out or what?

Walter Garber: She... wasn't happy, but she understood.

Ryder: Well, that's love right?

Walter Garber: No, that's marriage... that's another thing.

 

From Real Life

Been married 44 years so try this...

1995, my wife has breast cancer,

Hospital calls in the middle of the night after a seemingly normal visit and says 'you'd better come back, she has taken a turn for the worse'.. I get there and they tell me she's not going to make it

Me Can you hear me?..

Her No response...

Me Thanks doc, I'll call the rest of the family to come...

Fast forward to 2018, dang if that feisty chick didn't pull through and survive ;)

Now she's healthier than all of us, at 62 runs half marathons, does zumba, cardio and just came home from kick-box class, and is practicing for her first tri-a-thalon....

Should I argue with her that she cares a lot more about these than me? Nope, I love it that she is here and can do them, and I remember that night they called me to the hospital in '95.... who is Ryder and Garber again?

Wow. I am sorry to hear about that. I am glad she recovered and hope you all are doing well. Hopefully you know I didn't mean that movie quote in a negative way. I didn't know of your situation.

No, you're good Lucky no problem :) I didn't think you were using it in a negative way per se, just trying to shed a little encouragement to maybe anyone to look through any minor problems and see the value of the bigger picture as they say. Later after that night and I thought of what life would have been like without her it put a lot of things in perspective. So back to golf, she loves it when I play, and one of my favorite things is on a lazy Saturday summer afternoon sometimes even though she doesn't play, she'll say 'let's go golfing' and she'll come along with me just to watch.. I play in a league and tournaments and such of course, but these times with her just being together... priceless

[Rob McHugh]

"... and your point?" :-)

 

Rob

[SixtySomePing]

"... and your point?" :-)

 

Rob

 

Valid question Rob. In relation to the OP’s question, it’s like arguing over the trees, and not considering the forest… arguing over I/me/mine instead of considering the big picture of life… you never know when a moment with a loved one may be your last, or their last. Would you want it to have been spent arguing over whether or not you love golf more than them?

[North Butte]

About a decade after we got married my wife had a near death experience. It was a freak sudden illness. Fortunately we got her to the ER just in time and she fully recovered eventually. However, she did have to spend five days in hospital before they were sure enough of her recovery to let her go home.

 

The afternoon of the fourth day while I was sitting by her hospital bed she caught me staring out the window. She said, “If it’s nice outside you ought to go ahead and play golf instead of sitting here”.

 

I’ll admit I gave it a moment’s serious consideration but by that point in the whole process I was too wrung out to have enjoyed the round even if I went. But that pretty much sums up my spouse’s attitude toward my golf.

[Your-away!]

Funny i should see this thread this morning, my new putter has come, txt the wife to let her know my excitement, all i got back was "really, you txt me that and nothing else? do you know what day it is?"

 

errr i better pop the supermarket and get something on my way home

[slimeone]

Funny i should see this thread this morning, my new putter has come, txt the wife to let her know my excitement, all i got back was "really, you txt me that and nothing else? do you know what day it is?"

 

errr i better pop the supermarket and get something on my way home

Wait, what day is it? Oh, s---!

[DavePelz4]

From Real Life

Been married 44 years so try this...

1995, my wife has breast cancer,

Hospital calls in the middle of the night after a seemingly normal visit and says 'you'd better come back, she has taken a turn for the worse'.. I get there and they tell me she's not going to make it

Me Can you hear me?..

Her No response...

Me Thanks doc, I'll call the rest of the family to come...

Fast forward to 2018, dang if that feisty chick didn't pull through and survive ;)

Now she's healthier than all of us, at 62 runs half marathons, does zumba, cardio and just came home from kick-box class, and is practicing for her first tri-a-thalon....

Should I argue with her that she cares a lot more about these than me? Nope, I love it that she is here and can do them, and I remember that night they called me to the hospital in '95.... who is Ryder and Garber again?

 

Best post of the year, hands down. Congrats to you and your bride and I sincerely hope you have many, many happy years together! You deserve it.

[Ferguson]

Just remember:

 

 

 

[thesaxemachine]

My wife has a wonky schedule and generally sleeps late on weekends, so I play early. I never play on days that are for "us" birthdays, anniversaries etc - except early in the day on my birthday. It is my rule, not hers, or anything that we've really spoken about, that if I golf one day the next day is for us. We don't have kids. She doesn't really "get it", mostly because she doesn't understand why golf takes so long, but understands that I have my own thing, just as she has hers.

[daveltb]

Life lesson....keep your nutz. Don’t let your wife take them....if you realize one day she has....look for them while she’s on the phone, or otherwise occupied...try her sock drawer. You may find them and be able to take them back...lol.

 

Pro tip - they're in her purse.

[deadsolid...shank]

Life lesson....keep your nutz. Don’t let your wife take them....if you realize one day she has....look for them while she’s on the phone, or otherwise occupied...try her sock drawer. You may find them and be able to take them back...lol.

 

Pro tip - they're in her purse.

 

If I knew how to share a link I’d add one here. Sam Kinison 1984 Young Comedians on You Tube.

[lumberman2462]

I spend a SHITLOAD of money on golf every year!. She spends MORE on F'ing horses. While those F'ing horses are getting a mani/pedi (LOLOL), I'm golfing, and she can SUCK IT!!!........LOL

 

I think this is my favorite post in the thread.....

 

Wait till she starts racing those F'ing horses. You won't have any money left for golf.

[Obee]

Sigh...

 

Just curious how many of you have to deal with this, how often, and how you handle it?

 

I used to have to deal with it all the time, in a passive-aggressive way, with my first wife. Finally got a divorce after 21 years of marriage. When I got remarried, I told my (now) wife before we got real serious:

 

1) I'm a golfer. It's not a "hobby," it's a passion that is not going to diminish because of you

2) You will NEVER see me on a Friday day or a Saturday day and most Sundays I will be golfing also

3) Almost ALL of our travel will be golf related (because I don't have enough money to travel for both golf and "fun.")

 

On our 3rd date, I took her with me to an exclusive invitational at Wilshire Country Club in Los Angeles called "The Macbeth." Food is amazing. Course is gorgeous. Drinks on the course. Nice crowds. Stayed in a cool Air BnB house with other couples.

 

She was hooked. LOL.

 

I love golf. I know who I am, and I don't need to justify my passion to anyone anymore.

[driveandputtmachine]

I moved on from my starter wife. We never had the discussion and she complained about golf before and after marriage. We divorced.

 

New wife. I explained while we were dating, I love golf, I play a lot of golf. I will play or hit balls once a week during the winter, sometimes twice. Once daylight savings time hits I will be at the course a minimum of three days a week, but may, June, July, August, September probably four days. One afternoon during the week until dark. One weekend Day there from sunup until about 4pm or so. The other weekend day will be for 18 early and then home, or I will play an extra afternoon. I got lucky, for some reason golf turns her on. She likes coming to watch me play and is thinking about taking it up. She signed off on me playing at least that much and has never given me lip about tournaments. She asks that I play one weekend day if she has something she would like us to do on the other and I rotate in an extra day after work.

 

She even bought tickets for "The Open Championship" this year for my birthday on Saturday and Sunday. We are going over early and she said she expected me to play at least four rounds of golf while we are there.

 

I am a lucky man, even if we hadn't had the discussion when we first started dating, I don't think she would ever have a problem as long as we have some time together. She likes to do stuff in local politics, so I am home for her boys once, twice, sometimes three nights dealing with food, homework and practices so she can do her thing.

[Shilgy]

These last few remind me of conversations with my wife. A few buddies have the wife that says "no you cannot play on..(pick a day). When I remember to thank my wife for NOT being one of those and letting me play she just replies that when we got married she knew what she was getting into lol.