The "You love/care about golf more than you do me" argument with spouse/significant other

[deadsolid...shank]

I've been able to play golf through 41 years of marriage. It takes a lot of give and take, and mostly its give but the benefits of that giving are worth the effort. When my kids were young (at one time I had 5 of them 8 years old and younger) I didn't get to play that often. Typically I'd get out once or twice a month, and my wife understood that I really enjoyed the time to myself. Conversely, I always made sure she was able to to the "alone" things that she wanted to do.

 

Like GLF4EVR my wife has horses. I don't ride them, but I do get the hay, stack the hay, give the hay to the horses, and then clean up the hay the next day when they're done with it. She has that hobby and her crafting and I have golf and guns/reloading. Now that I'm retired we have a lot of time to do things together, and time for our own diversions. It took a long time to get here, but as others have said - do your part to take care of her needs first and you'll have a much easier time getting your golf fix.

 

And you can always hold it over her that the horses broke your arm.

[GLF4EVR]

I've been able to play golf through 41 years of marriage. It takes a lot of give and take, and mostly its give but the benefits of that giving are worth the effort. When my kids were young (at one time I had 5 of them 8 years old and younger) I didn't get to play that often. Typically I'd get out once or twice a month, and my wife understood that I really enjoyed the time to myself. Conversely, I always made sure she was able to to the "alone" things that she wanted to do.

 

Like GLF4EVR my wife has horses. I don't ride them, but I do get the hay, stack the hay, give the hay to the horses, and then clean up the hay the next day when they're done with it. She has that hobby and her crafting and I have golf and guns/reloading. Now that I'm retired we have a lot of time to do things together, and time for our own diversions. It took a long time to get here, but as others have said - do your part to take care of her needs first and you'll have a much easier time getting your golf fix.

Right there with ya! Just about every night this time of year when I am out feeding/watering the horses, chickens, & barn cats I think golf season is not to far away. Now it is even better due to that the latter part of December of 2020 I will be thinking that as soon as there is a day with no wind & not much snow on the course....I can go out anytime I want to....total retirement! Right now I have enough things to do that will keep me busy for at least 2-3 years after retirement. Sure the journey has had it's rough times.....but it has been worth every second!

[GLF4EVR]

I've been able to play golf through 41 years of marriage. It takes a lot of give and take, and mostly its give but the benefits of that giving are worth the effort. When my kids were young (at one time I had 5 of them 8 years old and younger) I didn't get to play that often. Typically I'd get out once or twice a month, and my wife understood that I really enjoyed the time to myself. Conversely, I always made sure she was able to to the "alone" things that she wanted to do.

 

Like GLF4EVR my wife has horses. I don't ride them, but I do get the hay, stack the hay, give the hay to the horses, and then clean up the hay the next day when they're done with it. She has that hobby and her crafting and I have golf and guns/reloading. Now that I'm retired we have a lot of time to do things together, and time for our own diversions. It took a long time to get here, but as others have said - do your part to take care of her needs first and you'll have a much easier time getting your golf fix.

 

And you can always hold it over her that the horses broke your arm.

If you knew of my wife's horse accident, never ever go there unless it involved major damage. Many years I have know she is the toughest person I have ever know. We were well into our second year together. Out at a big quarter horse facility that had a few million dollars halter horses in it (this is around 1985). One in particular that she always worked with. Anyway the owners son was out one day....always a cocky jock. He was going on about how great of shape he was in. A high school senior in football right in the middle of summer training. Anyway he dares the wife to hit him in the abdomen because of how solid he is. The split second I saw her face....big mistake dude! She went to hit him & he tried to block with his right hand....broke his 3rd & 4th metacarpal bones. She hardly even had a swollen knuckle. He was out of football for the year. This was about 3 years after a big horse accident. Entire left side of lungs collapsed. Every rib on that side has 1 to 3 fractures. Right side the upper part of the rib cage has at least 1 fracture & the lower lobe is the only one not collapsed. I can verify it because I had seen the x-rays. Two weeks later, she is back on a horse. To this day we both really get a kick out of watching someone feel around her thyroid area because they get really excited before we tell them what happened. That is where the saddle horn had got her. Yes..we medical people tend to have a warped sense of humor. If it would not have been an indoor area with deep sand, I would have never even met her.

[Socrates]

There are over 3.7 billion, (BILLION!) women in the world.

 

There is only one game of golf.

So, your odds of getting laid aren't that great then. :)

 

I remind her that I don't drink, don't do drugs, don't gamble and don't whore around. Lots of things worse I could be doing instead of playing golf. Like spending too much time on "that fu*king golf site."

[Soloman1]

Guy is trying to sneak into his house after a late night with a lady friend. He grabs some grass from the front lawn and stuffs it in his socks.

 

As he tries to crawl into bed, his wife wakes up and says, "So, where the heck have you been?"

 

He tells her, "Honey, I can't lie to you. I'm having an affair with someone from work."

 

She feels and smells the grass on his socks and says, "You SOB! You've been playing golf, haven't you??!!?"

[Tyeetime]

Luckily I don't have this problem, my wife loves golf as much as me.

[Hawkeye77]

Not much help I guess. 30 years next spring, she plays some and knows I love it, probably doesn't hurt she has a couple brothers who were really into golf, one still is in a very significant way. I get home it's "how was golf?" Of course, if the yard gets ignored or some other stuff in the summer because golf is getting in the way, and I finally get around to whatever it is, she makes a point of thanking me in a way that is so sweet - she knows that drives me crazy, but it's as close to saying maybe I'm playing a little too much golf as she gets. Women . . . . . . . . . .

 

Lucky 30 years ago come this June she had a fever of 103 or so the day we got married and in a fit of delirium said, "yes".

[LeftDaddy]

For my wife and I, it came down to a few things.

 

1. She developed another hobby (tennis)...this has been the biggest one. And whenever she asked me if she could play tennis, I made it a point to say "of course, you don't even need to ask me. Play as much as you'd like. I want you to have fun playing, and have fun with your friends. Oh, you are having champagne and strawberries afterwards? And then girls night out after that? Of course, babe, again, you needn't bother asking me. Have fun!" The "girls nights out" were starting to get a little excessive at one point but I never complained.

2. As others have stated, I made it a point to stay on top of "my chores" around the house, especially on weekend days.

3. In all of our years being married, I only really ask for two things...Fall Saturdays to watch Georgia Tech football, and roughly one day a week to play golf (plus some range time in the afternoons). When our kids were younger, I definitely cut back...in fact, I didn't play much at all for about an 8 year span. And I was involved (and still am) as any Dad I know. And I know when to ask for golf time and when to let it go. So after some time of doing all that, hopefully she learns that you aren't asking for much, and you do t let golf affect your duties, etc. Then she might be a little more understanding.

 

And I'll give you a bonus #4, which is a bit of an addendum to 3 above. I basically don't do anything with my friends. I'm not suggesting that you should do this, because I've read that lack of socializing is a big health risk for men today. And if that is true, then I'm in big trouble. But, golf and Georgia Tech football are about the only times I connect with my friends. I don't go out drinking with them, or any other such "nonsense ". After a while, she has almost started to feel sorry for me and maybe a little guilty that my job, my marriage, my fatherhood, my sense of responsibility, etc have all conspired to make socializing an extraneous activity for me...so, she almost likes it when I'm golfing with buddies.

 

There you go...a 3 to 4 step plan to more golf!

[Llortamaisey]

It’s cheaper and less of a headache to rent.

[MrJones]

Ex wife all but cut basketball completely out of my life after we got married. A few years later I picked up golf and never stopped going. I would always golf as early as possible and as soon as I got home, I got cleaned up and we were spending the rest of the day doing whatever she wanted to do.

 

 

Girlfriend now knows all about my love for golf and is very supportive....so far....

[wkuo3]

To a golf addict, it seems to be the only thing matters, getting on the golf course and spend the time there.

I know because I'm that one in the crowd. But life is more than just golf unless you're the touring professional and it's work and your livelihood.

One of my relative works in the medical care field, and they know I'm big on golf all my adult life so one day I was told a true story.

 

They took care of a golfer in the I.C.U. and got to talking because of the golf theme. This golfer had spent most of his life and money on golf. He went through 3 divorces and had very little to show for his life except for some trophy and memory from golf. His own children did not visit him while he was laying there in the I.C.U. So, the question was posted to him.....was it worth it ?

He shook his head and whispered..... no...... he would not give up golf if he had to do it again but he would also not ignore the others in his life like he did.

 

Anything in moderation is good for you however, don't loose sight on the meaning of life and the value in "family". It'll be a totally different story had I decided not to get married.

[North Butte]

Been married 30+ years and play golf for near 25 and I've never had any sort of disagreement with my wife over me playing golf. We don't have kids so presumably that eliminates the main source of contention. I work, I play golf, she works, she has her own hobbies.

 

It still leaves us plenty of spare time to spend together, although not necessarily when the sun is up and it's not raining!

[dennis4190]

I just ask her if she wants to make love or should I go play golf...she says what time will you be home?

[buckrogers71]

I usually dont get too much flack about it, except when I decide to have few after and a 4-5 hr round becomes 6-7 hrs.

I dont play much during the fall ( I coach HS soccer) and maybe every other week during the spring. Most of my playing takes place during the summer, then I get the "You're spending too much money speech".

 

Such is life

[clp34vmp]

I get eye rolls and ,"Are you kidding me??!!" every time I say I'm going to play or even hit balls. It's painful. I've gotten to the point where I need to sneak around. In the warmer months I'll leave work a little early so I can hit balls on the way home for 30-45 minutes but get home at the same time so she's none the wiser. On the weekends, I try to play at least 9 each day with the occasional 18 mixed in. I am very careful to schedule those weekend rounds around other obligations, like my daughter's soccer games, but I still get plenty of grief when I say I'm leaving for the course.And when I get home from those rounds, I'll usually put golf on the TV immediately, which is pretty much guaranteed to induce the dreaded death stare. Ugh! It is what it is, though, I guess - my very sanity depends on getting my golf fix in.

[hnryclay]

Life is short, make your priorities known to your wife. If she does not agree, you have a decision to make. Usually the golf argument is not the first argument, and will not be the last. I have been married to a wonderful woman for 17 years, and we have had some arguments over how I spend my time. At the end of the day, all I can say is I love you, I love my life and while I can change my schedule, I am not going to stop doing the things I enjoy. We can sit down together and plan what times work for us both, but I will be playing golf 3-5 times a week, every week if the weather allows. We don't have kids, and my job is flexible (I can play during the day sometimes) we both compromise. She cannot be the only one compromising, and neither can you, both of you have to give a little. Also I cannot give anyone advice with children, I don't know how you find time to play.

[jholz]

My strategy is to build up a lot of relationship capital over time. That way you can throw that argument right back in her face (ha ha!) - in a sensitive, caring, manner of course.

 

In a nice, calm, measured - yet stern - voice, I say something like: "Oh yeah, I love golf more than you? Let's really sit down and examine this proposition honey. I am absolutely certain that I can show you, definitively, just how wrong you are..."

 

That's when a break out the laptop and deliver a Powerpoint presentation that I have created just for these situations. Statistics, flow-charts, graphs, real world examples...you're just not going to argue against that.

 

My wife loves it.

[Hawkeye77]

I just ask her if she wants to make love or should I go play golf...she says what time will you be home?

 

And if she chooses whoopee and you go golf you are a true wrxer!

 

Sometimes getting the missus out there golfing can lead to interesting side bets - we were playing one Friday night when the girls were little and having some banter we thought nobody else was hearing. Wife had the youngest in a cart with her and at some point she said, "Why would you want a back rub Mommy?" LOL, even when you lose those bets you win!

[Bad9]

"You love/care about golf more than you do me" If this argument actually happens I would suggest your relationship has problems and its not just about golf.

[bazinky]

Reading these threads always makes me thankful for how understanding my wife is of my golf habit. Part of that is due to her Dad having been a golfer who played a substantial amount more than I ever will, and part is that I actively work to make sure my golf has a little impact on our family life as possible. Unless it's a scheduled golf event, I play as early as possible, and I try to take as much of the child care responsibilities as I can, especially when it can afford her some free time to do what she loves.

 

One thing that has helped for me is that I never assume that I can play golf, and give her the option of requesting that I don't play that particular day. In the 15 years we've been together, I can probably count on one hand the number of times she has asked me not to play. Unfortunately, that only works if the wife/or girlfriend is not a "golf shrew".

 

It's important to remember that there are some people (both women AND men) that simply can't abide their partner having "fun" without them. Sometime it's not about golf, it's about control, and I feel bad for anyone that has had the bad luck to fall in love with someone like that.

[sprcoop]

Been married for 30 years. No kids, not by choice. Twenty years ago moved to a different state to be a partner in my brothers business. Knew there would be some long hours but we agreed if at all possible Sundays were hers for us to be together (had to work a few Sundays but not many). Kept that promise.

 

If I want to go hit a bucket (don't do that often enough) instead of working late that's my prerogative. Did it last night and had the best range session I've had in years. Probably won't break 100 next time out.

 

If I can work a short day on Saturday, off to the GC. If she is busy Sunday, off to the GC. This Sunday we plan do some stuff together in the morning. In the afternoon she's getting a massage, I'm off to the GC.

 

We made an agreement, we're sticking to it. Seems to work.

[EKELLY]

I spend a SHITLOAD of money on golf every year!. She spends MORE on F'ing horses. While those F'ing horses are getting a mani/pedi (LOLOL), I'm golfing, and she can SUCK IT!!!........LOL

[LeftyLuck]

I just have my girlfriend come with me sometimes. Birdies is a kiss, and eagles, well.... :)

[EKELLY]

Actually, an old-timer once said, "Women love golfers, it gives them 4-5 hours to go bang somebody else!".......LOL

[Hawkeye77]

Actually, an old-timer once said, "Women love golfers, it gives them 4-5 hours to go bang somebody else!".......LOL

 

This is not directed at your wife, it is not ..... but all these comments about horses and wives and now this remark brought the old Catherine the Great urban legend to mind, sorry but that's how my mind works sometimes.

[MountainGoat]

I never have a problem playing too much golf. At my age, my wife just wants me out of the house.

[Sean2]

Reminds me of a story I heard: guy gets home very late, his wife is very upset with him, so finally he says that he needed to confess: "I was with a hooker," he says.

 

"Liar!" his wife screams, "You played another 18 holes!"

[LeftyLuck]

Reminds me of a story I heard: guy gets home very late, his wife is very upset with him, so finally he says that he needed to confess: "I was with a hooker," he says.

 

"Liar!" his wife screams, "You played another 18 holes!"

You pay to put it in a hole for both, so... not all that different. At least the course doesn't judge your performance!

A bogey on the foreplay, a triple on the... well you get the picture.

[Skaffa77]

"You love/care about golf more than you do me" If this argument actually happens I would suggest your relationship has problems and its not just about golf.

 

Absolutely agree. My ex-wife would say this to me often. To be fair, I did hit the range a lot and play a lot of golf...all of this was present BEFORE I met her, but honestly, my wife really didn't have a desire to be around me much nor did she really enjoy my company...so the only thing I can deduce is that she wanted something to complain about. All truth be told, after the divorce, I thought I'd be golfing 24-7, but the reality is that I played and practiced a lot less. I was figuring out my life post-marriage and finding friends, watching sports and enjoying life. The truth hit me...golf was my escape from a terrible marriage. I'm not without my own faults, but I'm 100% better without that woman in my life.

 

Currently, I'm remarried about 1.5 years to a new woman and my wife has never uttered those words. In fact, she started playing golf again (she stopping while in high school) while we dated and we've play quite a bit of golf together. She did ask that I not put her in the poor house with my golf equipment purchases which is a fair request, but she's been fully support of my hobby. The odd part...I still don't play or practice to the same extent as I did in my first marriage and I really don't have the desire either. I've found other things in my life that also bring me joy.

[Hawkeye77]

Reminds me of a story I heard: guy gets home very late, his wife is very upset with him, so finally he says that he needed to confess: "I was with a hooker," he says.

 

"Liar!" his wife screams, "You played another 18 holes!"

You pay to put it in a hole for both, so... not all that different. At least the course doesn't judge your performance!

A bogey on the foreplay, a triple on the... well you get the picture.

 

To quote Richard Pryor, "Foreplay? - I've only got time for one, maybe two plays!"