The "You love/care about golf more than you do me" argument with spouse/significant other

[North Butte]

These last few remind me of conversations with my wife. A few buddies have the wife that says "no you cannot play on..(pick a day). When I remember to thank my wife for NOT being one of those and letting me play she just replies that when we got married she knew what she was getting into lol.

 

It was my wife’s idea for me to try playing golf for the first time a few years after we were married. We were brainstorming ways for me to get some exercise and she said, “Why don’t you try golf, that looks like it might be fun”... and the rest is history b

[BoogieThumper]

For the most part my wife is cool about golfing. We had arguments here and there and our most recent was a doozy. She admitted that she was jealous of my golf habit. She no longer golfs with me being that we have two small children. (I golf maybe twice a month) Anyway she really got into yoga recently and I got her a membership at a studio within walking distance of our home. I encourage her to go as much as she wants, I even go as far as watching her friend's kids so she wouldn't have to go alone. Yes golf has turned me into a weekly baby-sitter but it's worth every bogey! Now that she gets time away, she grunts a lot less when I'm gone 5 hours.

[PeanutsDaddy]

My wife 'gets it' and always has. Probably why we've been together since we were 14. As we celebrate our 25th year together I know that I've been blessed to have found 'the one'.

 

Definitely the exception more than the rule, but she encourages me to head to the golf course as she knows how much I enjoy the game. She also appreciates the physical and mental benefits it gives me.

 

On our honeymoon (a month long drive through the East Coast) she encouraged me to pack my clubs and toured around in a cart with me as we played in each Atlantic province. She drove the cart and I attempted to drive the ball. Golf was secondary, spending time was paramount.

 

I try to hold up my end of the bargain. I share chores around the house, spend oodles of time with the kids, cuddle on the couch, kiss whenever I can, and on and on.

 

Totally passionate about the game, but absolutely madly in love with my wife and the family we've built. Without the latter the former would feel pretty hollow I suspect.

 

I truly hope all find their perfect match. If you find someone that balances you then these types of issues will not exist.

 

How to find them is the real challenge. I knew I had something special when I was 14 and I simply never let go.

[uitar9]

Luckily my wife is into it and plays at least once week with me.

 

But if she didn't golf, the answer is either yes or no

[Hawkeye77]

So all women love you and most men hate you? LOL, just kidding. We have a bit of an age difference, but somehow we both knew we were "it" but I had to wait a few years before we could start dating, engaged less than 12 months later, married 8 months after that, 30 years in June.

 

Did you know your honeymoon has a lot in common with Jack's? Difference is Barbara had to spend some time in the car as I recall while he played some famous course in the rain, but golf (his) was part of the honeymoon (haven't read The Greatest Game Of All for a bit, but I think that's pretty close).

 

As for "I knew I had something special when I was 14 and I simply never let go" - I am exercising great restraint and having my first unexpressed thought of the day.

[PeanutsDaddy]

So all women love you and most men hate you? LOL, just kidding. We have a bit of an age difference, but somehow we both knew we were "it" but I had to wait a few years before we could start dating, engaged less than 12 months later, married 8 months after that, 30 years in June.

 

Did you know your honeymoon has a lot in common with Jack's? Difference is Barbara had to spend some time in the car as I recall while he played some famous course in the rain, but golf (his) was part of the honeymoon (haven't read The Greatest Game Of All for a bit, but I think that's pretty close).

 

As for "I knew I had something special when I was 14 and I simply never let go" - I am exercising great restraint and having my first unexpressed thought of the day.

 

Hawk,

 

I've always been a different breed who has walked a unique path.

 

Funny you mention a round in the rain. We played Granite Spings (a beautiful course outside of Nova Scotia). I had made a tee time a week in advance and we were committed. We arrive at the course and it's raining 'cats and dogs'. Explained in the clubhouse that we were on our honeymoon, we were congratulated, and then off we went. Rain was coming down sideways. Score was irrelevant. We laughed as I dribbled balls around the course. There were workers on the course and they looked at us like we were bonkers. At the conclusion of the round we returned to the clubhouse and were treated like a king and queen. The staff fed us breakfast and even cleaned/dryed our clothes while we ate. One of those shared memories that we will take to the grave.

 

Congratulations on your upcoming anniversary. So pleased to hear that you found your love as well. We are the fortunate ones.

 

An aside . . . I always wonder where the advice comes from in threads like this. It's quite possible that a + cap in the Forums can be a 30 cap in the relationship department (and vice versa) but none of this is listed in our handicaps.

 

I guess all have a story to tell.

[CheckJV]

Mrs. Check married me because I’m arm-candy. I don’t think I’ve ever heard her make any comment about me playing golf. That would by silly.

[Chuck Steak]

Wifey knew early when we got together that golf was my thing and she has always been very cool with it. Pretty rare that golf has created any tension between us (unless I come home with a new stick or whatever).

Then a few years ago she got sick, very sick, with a neuro disease very much like MS. Even at her worst times she understood I needed my release to go chase a golf ball around for a few hours.

I've never been served the "you go play golf while I languish here in pain" stuff.

It broke my heart, and still does most times when I go to play, she's lying in bed or on the lounge with no energy and always in constant pain. And I'm out going mental on where my arms are in the transition or some such nonsense. She always asks how I went, how I played. Thankfully, we don't have kids, or our situation could be very different.

I like to think I hold up my end of the bargain with anything she wants done around the house, anything she wants to do, that becomes the priority. Golf becomes my reward of sorts, and I'm cool with that.

 

I honestly think I married the most perfect woman in the world, and I feel for those guys that have to tip toe around the wifey or GF to get a bit of time on the greens.

[Hawkeye77]

So all women love you and most men hate you? LOL, just kidding. We have a bit of an age difference, but somehow we both knew we were "it" but I had to wait a few years before we could start dating, engaged less than 12 months later, married 8 months after that, 30 years in June.

 

Did you know your honeymoon has a lot in common with Jack's? Difference is Barbara had to spend some time in the car as I recall while he played some famous course in the rain, but golf (his) was part of the honeymoon (haven't read The Greatest Game Of All for a bit, but I think that's pretty close).

 

As for "I knew I had something special when I was 14 and I simply never let go" - I am exercising great restraint and having my first unexpressed thought of the day.

 

Hawk,

 

I've always been a different breed who has walked a unique path.

 

Funny you mention a round in the rain. We played Granite Spings (a beautiful course outside of Nova Scotia). I had made a tee time a week in advance and we were committed. We arrive at the course and it's raining 'cats and dogs'. Explained in the clubhouse that we were on our honeymoon, we were congratulated, and then off we went. Rain was coming down sideways. Score was irrelevant. We laughed as I dribbled balls around the course. There were workers on the course and they looked at us like we were bonkers. At the conclusion of the round we returned to the clubhouse and were treated like a king and queen. The staff fed us breakfast and even cleaned/dryed our clothes while we ate. One of those shared memories that we will take to the grave.

 

Congratulations on your upcoming anniversary. So pleased to hear that you found your love as well. We are the fortunate ones.

 

An aside . . . I always wonder where the advice comes from in threads like this. It's quite possible that a + cap in the Forums can be a 30 cap in the relationship department (and vice versa) but none of this is listed in our handicaps.

 

I guess all have a story to tell.

 

Thanks and yes we are!

 

Broke a cardinal rule by grabbing the laptop at dinner tonight (now we are empty nesters anything goes, or so I thought) - she asked me (knowing better) if I'm on my golf forum when I have "down" time at work, she's so funny - why would that distinction be important, lol. She gets me.

[cardoustie]

A Maritimes golf honeymoon .? Sweet baby J in a ninja outfit .. were lobster, scotch and red wine also part of this fabled "NorEaster"

[PeanutsDaddy]

A Maritimes golf honeymoon .? Sweet baby J in a ninja outfit .. were lobster, scotch and red wine also part of this fabled "NorEaster"

 

My wife detests seafood and doesn't drink, but she's never stopped me from indulging. Lobster and scotch were on my menu. Fresh seafood caught in the morning and served in the evening is so yummy.

 

But to be clear the honeymoon featured 4 rounds of golf and 3 weeks of everything else.

[Boricua Golf]

Been married for 27 years, I've always play golf on Saturdays, normally she is just waking up by the time I get back from playing, she's a nurse and works 12 hours, so she sleeps till almost 1pm on Saturdays, even if she don't I still get to play!!!!, I've been playing golf for almost 24 years now...

[Ferguson]

Re: "You love/care about golf more than you do me"

 

My wife would never say such a thing. She is too grounded and self-assured. She plays golf and she's cool.

Nothing could get between us.

[TigerWoodsIV]

I hope that never happens to me. I've seen it happen to my dad. It gets ugly fast. But hey, what else are you supposed to do to relax on a Saturday and Sunday morning???

[Under2hours]

Really can't bother reading all 134 responses and the jokes and comments associated.

 

People Read the Title!!!!!!

 

It's not funny......

 

Any spouse who says that vs. "You Play too much" or "Playing Again?" or something along those lines is a a reason to stop, ponder and discuss......

 

But as per the title of this thread means you have a serious issue.

 

Love all the rationalization that goes on.

 

BTW just realized we've been catfished/trolled as OP hasn't responded once.

[Bbo569]

That’s when you need to go out and buy something shiny.

[DavePelz4]

Really can't bother reading all 134 responses and the jokes and comments associated.

 

People Read the Title!!!!!!

 

It's not funny......

 

Any spouse who says that vs. "You Play too much" or "Playing Again?" or something along those lines is a a reason to stop, ponder and discuss......

 

But as per the title of this thread means you have a serious issue.

 

Love all the rationalization that goes on.

 

BTW just realized we've been catfished/trolled as OP hasn't responded once.

 

Maybe she won't let him.

[tgreenwood11]

I told both my wives before we got married: I play golf every Saturday and Sunday. If that’s a show stopper then I need to know now. It worked out great. Not once did I ever hear; “you’re not playing golf today, are you?” ??

[cardoustie]

A Maritimes golf honeymoon .? Sweet baby J in a ninja outfit .. were lobster, scotch and red wine also part of this fabled "NorEaster"

 

My wife detests seafood and doesn't drink, but she's never stopped me from indulging. Lobster and scotch were on my menu. Fresh seafood caught in the morning and served in the evening is so yummy.

 

But to be clear the honeymoon featured 4 rounds of golf and 3 weeks of everything else.

 

We fit in 3 rounds over 16 days ... including 18 at the RTJ track in Dothan AL

 

Just arrived for the last of 3 stays in the Panhandle an hour ago ... 18.75 hrs of straight driving and it struck me as I read this nursing some cab.. the other 2 tracks and the honeymoon beach house from 23 years ago are all within 20 minutes of where I sit. Life

[PeanutsDaddy]

A Maritimes golf honeymoon .? Sweet baby J in a ninja outfit .. were lobster, scotch and red wine also part of this fabled "NorEaster"

 

My wife detests seafood and doesn't drink, but she's never stopped me from indulging. Lobster and scotch were on my menu. Fresh seafood caught in the morning and served in the evening is so yummy.

 

But to be clear the honeymoon featured 4 rounds of golf and 3 weeks of everything else.

 

We fit in 3 rounds over 16 days ... including 18 at the RTJ track in Dothan AL

 

Just arrived for the last of 3 stays in the Panhandle an hour ago ... 18.75 hrs of straight driving and it struck me as I read this nursing some cab.. the other 2 tracks and the honeymoon beach house from 23 years ago are all within 20 minutes of where I sit. Life

 

Someday I hope to make it to the RTJ. Beautiful tracks.

 

Enjoy the journey Cardy. Hit 'em straight. Sneak lots of hugs and kisses.

 

Safe travels to you and the Mrs.

[Atrayn]

1) She should have known this before it became a relationship and accepted it.

2) If not, run like hell....

[larrybud]

My wife is completely the opposite. Right about this time of year she starts asking if my leagues start in March. "No, around mid-april". "Why so far away??"

 

lol

 

I told both my wives before we got married: I play golf every Saturday and Sunday. If that's a show stopper then I need to know now. It worked out great. Not once did I ever hear; "you're not playing golf today, are you?"

 

Sounds like it worked out great, with both of your wives...

 

BTW just realized we've been catfished/trolled as OP hasn't responded once.

 

He probably posted the question another a different account, just in case his wife is browsing the board!!

[BeerPerHole]

This is tough. My advice to my son (my dad failed to do this) is to exercise extreme caution when considering having a long-term relationship. It's hard for men to be honest with themselves when they are in the honeymoon phase. I know...and I've helped several buddies deal with this. But, there are often early signs (not always, but often) and we refuse to see them. I have been through all that before...ended in divorce and really broke my heart. So, when I (to my surprise) found a lady I'd consider settling down with she already loved to play golf, never nagged me, and is a Jayne Mansfield look-alike. It's been great ever since. Two kids and 15 years later and I'm still in love with her. She keeps me young and keeps me playing golf.

 

Divorce rates are abysmally high these days. Seems like men and women are having a tougher time understanding each other. Sad to hear a fellow golfer dealing with this...

[Andrew Bond of Glencoe]

My response is... “So what’s your point?”

[CEPick]

This is tough. My advice to my son (my dad failed to do this) is to exercise extreme caution when considering having a long-term relationship. It's hard for men to be honest with themselves when they are in the honeymoon phase. I know...and I've helped several buddies deal with this. But, there are often early signs (not always, but often) and we refuse to see them. I have been through all that before...ended in divorce and really broke my heart. So, when I (to my surprise) found a lady I'd consider settling down with she already loved to play golf, never nagged me, and is a Jayne Mansfield look-alike. It's been great ever since. Two kids and 15 years later and I'm still in love with her. She keeps me young and keeps me playing golf.

 

Divorce rates are abysmally high these days. Seems like men and women are having a tougher time understanding each other. Sad to hear a fellow golfer dealing with this...

 

I'm recently divorced and I would agree with this. I never saw the warning signs and golf was just another thing she would use against me when it was convenient. She said she wanted me out of the house and was happy when I would go to the course but then would turn around and shove it in my face saying I didn't spend enough time with her. The irony of it was I played the majority of my rounds during the week in the afternoon before she got home. I would maybe play on late Sunday afternoon while she napped or ran errands. We spent a ton of weekends together with her family.

 

My suggestion is if you're married and plan to play golf regularly you better be ready to trade dinners, movies, trips, furniture, household goods, etc in order to play. And if she let you play despite having other engagements you better not come home drunk from a course. That doesn't bode well.

 

My girlfriend now is completely cool with me playing golf but she has a father that plays golf as well and she grew up understanding it.

[golf1836]

one of the guys I play with is 75 years old. He told me a story about when he was in his 20's he was playing softball. He was in leagues they would go to the bar afterwards. So his wife say's you should stop softball and try something else like golf. See how that worked out. Now all he has to say you wanted me to play golf.. lol

[Hot Rod 71]

When my wife and I were dating and she didn't care about how much I played golf. I am a firefighter and work 24 hour shifts (10 per month) so I have a lot of time off. She worked a regular 40 hour job back then. In 2009 she became a nurse and switched to 3, 12 hour shifts per week, giving her a lot of time off. It was then when she developed a issue with how much I played and I started hearing "you care more about golf than you do for me".

 

I tried to assure her that wasn't the case and actually cut back. Well. that didn't work. No matter how much I didn't play she still complained. I finally said "f*ck it" and did what I wanted and didn't care what she said. I told her I was a grown man and could make my own choices. I gave examples of how much time we actually do spend together and how much I had cut back on golf. Miraculously the complaining reduced drastically.

 

For some women (not all) its seems to be a natural need to control a man and attempt to "change" him. I also think if they have hobbies of their own, and friends of their own, they are less likely to complain about golf.

[slimeone]

Somewhere on the internet, probably on a fashion forum or something, there is a thread titled "Your husband loves golf more than you". And the comments are scathing.

[bazinky]

This is tough. My advice to my son (my dad failed to do this) is to exercise extreme caution when considering having a long-term relationship. It's hard for men to be honest with themselves when they are in the honeymoon phase. I know...and I've helped several buddies deal with this. But, there are often early signs (not always, but often) and we refuse to see them. I have been through all that before...ended in divorce and really broke my heart. So, when I (to my surprise) found a lady I'd consider settling down with she already loved to play golf, never nagged me, and is a Jayne Mansfield look-alike. It's been great ever since. Two kids and 15 years later and I'm still in love with her. She keeps me young and keeps me playing golf.

 

Divorce rates are abysmally high these days. Seems like men and women are having a tougher time understanding each other. Sad to hear a fellow golfer dealing with this...

 

I'm recently divorced and I would agree with this. I never saw the warning signs and golf was just another thing she would use against me when it was convenient. She said she wanted me out of the house and was happy when I would go to the course but then would turn around and shove it in my face saying I didn't spend enough time with her. The irony of it was I played the majority of my rounds during the week in the afternoon before she got home. I would maybe play on late Sunday afternoon while she napped or ran errands. We spent a ton of weekends together with her family.

 

My suggestion is if you're married and plan to play golf regularly you better be ready to trade dinners, movies, trips, furniture, household goods, etc in order to play. And if she let you play despite having other engagements you better not come home drunk from a course. That doesn't bode well.

 

My girlfriend now is completely cool with me playing golf but she has a father that plays golf as well and she grew up understanding it.

 

The bolded parts are really key. My FIL has played and still plays WAY more golf than I ever will, so it makes me look like a saint by comparison.

 

I'll also add that most of the guys I know who got in real relationship trouble were using the golf as more of an excuse to party and were pretty worthless after they got done/back from the course. It helps that my wife knows I love golf and take it pretty serious, and that I prefer to do my drinking off the course (and usually with her).

 

Of course, I absolutely stink at golf when I'm drinking heavily. If I was one of those guys who could play decent drunk, I might think different.

[bthomps33]

There's a lot of solid advice in this thread. :drinks: :good: