The "You love/care about golf more than you do me" argument with spouse/significant other

[jpdx]

My strategy is to build up a lot of relationship capital over time. That way you can throw that argument right back in her face (ha ha!) - in a sensitive, caring, manner of course.

 

In a nice, calm, measured - yet stern - voice, I say something like: "Oh yeah, I love golf more than you? Let's really sit down and examine this proposition honey. I am absolutely certain that I can show you, definitively, just how wrong you are..."

 

That's when a break out the laptop and deliver a Powerpoint presentation that I have created just for these situations. Statistics, flow-charts, graphs, real world examples...you're just not going to argue against that.

 

My wife loves it.

 

please do us all a favor and upload this presentation so we don't have to all create a new one. Thanks!

 

but a lot of good advice. keep up with chores ask to help out whenever you aren't golfing etc...build up those brownie points!

[mhawk]

considered asking my wife to play, but then realized i would rather listen to her complain that i play golf, then to listen to her complain DURING golf.

 

Haha this is awesome!

[buckeyefl]

Sigh...

 

Just curious how many of you have to deal with this, how often, and how you handle it?

 

Just say "Yep" and cut to the inevitable conclusion.

[LeoLeo99]

"You love/care about golf more than you do me" If this argument actually happens I would suggest your relationship has problems and its not just about golf.

 

Absolutely agree. My ex-wife would say this to me often. To be fair, I did hit the range a lot and play a lot of golf...all of this was present BEFORE I met her, but honestly, my wife really didn't have a desire to be around me much nor did she really enjoy my company...so the only thing I can deduce is that she wanted something to complain about. All truth be told, after the divorce, I thought I'd be golfing 24-7, but the reality is that I played and practiced a lot less. I was figuring out my life post-marriage and finding friends, watching sports and enjoying life. The truth hit me...golf was my escape from a terrible marriage. I'm not without my own faults, but I'm 100% better without that woman in my life.

 

Currently, I'm remarried about 1.5 years to a new woman and my wife has never uttered those words. In fact, she started playing golf again (she stopping while in high school) while we dated and we've play quite a bit of golf together. She did ask that I not put her in the poor house with my golf equipment purchases which is a fair request, but she's been fully support of my hobby. The odd part...I still don't play or practice to the same extent as I did in my first marriage and I really don't have the desire either. I've found other things in my life that also bring me joy.

 

Fishing was my escape from a bad first marriage. Now that I'm remarried, I never go fishing. I go golfing now but pretty much only during the week. My wife wants me home with her on the weekends so we can spend quality time together. I could play on weekends if I was a due-sweeper and home for lunch. We do enjoy our quality time together on the weekends. :taunt:

[premazipp]

I lucked out. Joined a country club so me and my son could play a lot. After 6 months of us golfing and paying the monthly dues, she decided to try golf "since we're already paying for it". A year and a half later she's already broken 90 and is my preferred playing partner. We golf 2-3 times a week together. I love it!!!!!

[tyorke1]

Golf is my outlet , you knew that when we met, take golf away and I may change . For lots of women golf is the girlfriend, especially needy women, honestly I would nip it early or you risk being miserable. My buddy can't finish a rd without his wife calling him , that would drive me nuts .

[Quasimoto]

There have been some rough patches over golf in our 36 years, however I have never heard those words even when it was likely justified.

She almost left me once because I spent so much time golfing.

Eventually, I got her to understand that it is a one and only for me, and it is never more that 6 months a year.

Now I only go out for less than 5 hours every day I am home (away from home 15 days each month working) in the summer and we are good with that.

It leaves time for other activities together.

[Cwing]

I told my gf when we started dating,

#1 my family

#2 my work

#3 my golf

#4 my car

#5 you

 

I'm surprised that we're still together!! :cheesy:

 

Hang on to her!

[EKELLY]

Actually, an old-timer once said, "Women love golfers, it gives them 4-5 hours to go bang somebody else!".......LOL

 

This is not directed at your wife, it is not ..... but all these comments about horses and wives and now this remark brought the old Catherine the Great urban legend to mind, sorry but that's how my mind works sometimes.

Actually, I'm not married, would never take that path again!.....

[bigred90gt]

Sigh...

 

Just curious how many of you have to deal with this, how often, and how you handle it?

 

Be careful with that. My ex used to tell me that every few months. I was at the course probably 4 days a week on average, and sundays I got there before the sun came up and wouldn’t come home till 9:00 or so at night.

 

Now that we’re divorced and I’m remarried, I realize that it wasn’t me caring more about golf than her, or as I used to say just that I enjoy playing golf (I did and do, but that wasn’t the reason). It was a subconscious decision to avoid being in a place where I wasn’t happy, and that place was home. In her eyes, I was putting golf ahead of her and ignoring her needs. In truth, I was, but just not for the reasons she thought. I wasn’t happy in my marriage and was out of the house every chance I got. I justified it by telling myself, and her, that I just enjoyed the things I was out doing and it wasn’t anything negative. Truth is, I just didn’t want to be there. Now, I am much happier at home and find my desire to spend time at the golf course just isn’t there like it used to be, because I don’t need that escape anymore.

 

I obviously don’t know your situation, I don’t even know how much time you’re spending on golf that would make her think/say that, I can only relate my own pst experience with a similar situation. My advice is to take a serious look at the whole situation and evaluate it on a very deep level. I spent a lot of years in a relationship that we “made workâ€, when in reality we had no business being together.

[TeeShive]

On weekends I always play in afternoons. The rounds are quicker, kids nap during this time, and they typically join me for dinner afterwards.

 

During the week I take the entire family out about once a week for 9 holes.

 

I generally play a couple times a week. I always give her veto power which she uses about 4 or 5 times a year.

 

Occasionally I’ve been known to change back into my work clothes after a quick range session on the way home from work :)

[Rapatt95]

No spouse yet, but I’ve been working on convincing the girlfriend that when we’re married, it would make perfect sense to get a couples membership at a course. I touted the amazing benefits of playing tennis with her and making new friends in what will most likely be a new location for the both of us.

 

And most importantly, it will save us money! The savings come in the form of me playing almost everyday and not having to pay the greens fee every time.

 

Wish me luck

[huskerguy18]

When Mrs. Pelz says this my response is "Get in the kitchen and make me a pie."

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thankfully, that response is only in my head because she'd beat the cr*p outta me if it was actually uttered.

You're telling me! My wife used to castrate piglets for a living

[tokeyb]

Lots if fun stuff here, but good to take the serious road sometimes! I was ready for the conversation with these points:

- Yes I absolutely love the game. It challenges me and gives me something to seek to improve. I love thinking about golf, playing, and I even dream about it! Golf is a defining feature of my life and family.

- Golf is where I make friends and how I spend time with friends. It let's me work out stress and aggression and all the cr*p in my life. And usually I come home happy!

- I know it takes time from you and home chores. I am willing to work with you to find the right balance.

- I know it costs money. I promise I'll be reasonable and will show you details if you're concerned.

- I hope you have something in your life that is just as important to you! And I'll support it.

 

As far as showing her how much you love her, find her 'love language' and work at it as hard as you work at your game, and you'll be fine.

[DavePelz4]

When Mrs. Pelz says this my response is "Get in the kitchen and make me a pie."

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thankfully, that response is only in my head because she'd beat the cr*p outta me if it was actually uttered.

You're telling me! My wife used to castrate piglets for a living

 

Do you sleep with 1 eye open Sir?

[ironmikes]

I lucked out. Joined a country club so me and my son could play a lot. After 6 months of us golfing and paying the monthly dues, she decided to try golf "since we're already paying for it". A year and a half later she's already broken 90 and is my preferred playing partner. We golf 2-3 times a week together. I love it!!!!!

 

 

You are in the same boat as me . my wife loves to play golf and she is pretty descent.

 

The kids would come with us when they were younger once in a while , all grown up now so we are empty nesters .

 

we get to spend a lot of time together and really enjoy each others company .

[EKELLY]

I lucked out. Joined a country club so me and my son could play a lot. After 6 months of us golfing and paying the monthly dues, she decided to try golf "since we're already paying for it". A year and a half later she's already broken 90 and is my preferred playing partner. We golf 2-3 times a week together. I love it!!!!!

 

 

You are in the same boat as me . my wife loves to play golf and she is pretty descent.

 

The kids would come with us when they were younger once in a while , all grown up now so we are empty nesters .

 

we get to spend a lot of time together and really enjoy each others company .

That would be my ideal situation, although I do love the $$ games and weekend excursions to various resorts/clubs with my boys. Of course, I am also a member of the Greens Club too, so both have advantages.......LOL

[huskerguy18]

When Mrs. Pelz says this my response is "Get in the kitchen and make me a pie."

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thankfully, that response is only in my head because she'd beat the cr*p outta me if it was actually uttered.

You're telling me! My wife used to castrate piglets for a living

 

Do you sleep with 1 eye open Sir?

Yes and if we disagree on something I drop it very quickly. We don't have kids yet though so I think I'm safe for a couple years

[MtlJeff]

Generally my wife is pretty great. She has her own hobbies, one of which is horseback riding which also takes a lot of time, so she doesn't get too upset by my playing golf

 

I have a daughter due in April and planned on taking the season off, even asking for a sabbatical from my club. It was her who convinced me not to do it in the end

[sheldonjhacker]

I'm a great boyfriend in the dead of winter, and a lousy one during the golf season. If she doesn't like it...she is free to go.

 

Life is too short not to enjoy EVERY minute.

[pearsonified]

"You love/care about golf more than you do me"

 

 

CORRECT.

[deadsolid...shank]

"You love/care about golf more than you do me"

 

 

CORRECT.

 

The surefire way to be sleeping on the couch..........the one in the backyard!

 

"You love/care about golf more than you do me"

 

Well duh, you just figured that out. I thought you were smarter than that.

[Kaysquare]

I won't go there. I'm the wife & I'm the one who plays golf in this marriage. Fortunately, my husband understands my obsession with golf all too well. He used to play a LOT of golf, but burned out & hasn't played for about ten years. He's never once complained about my golf, money spent, or girl trips to play golf. I am lucky!

[Spooky67]

Life lesson....keep your nutz. Don’t let your wife take them....if you realize one day she has....look for them while she’s on the phone, or otherwise occupied...try her sock drawer. You may find them and be able to take them back...lol.

 

 

[frebird]

My wife hates fishing, hunting, looking at WRX and, mostly golf. I have given up hunting and fishing and now she really really hates golf. But after 39 years love endures, at least I think it does!

[The Pearl]

Sigh...

 

Just curious how many of you have to deal with this, how often, and how you handle it?

 

You have not given enough information about your situation for anybody to render any practical advice. She might have a legitimate beef or she might be bat s*** crazy.

[deadsolid...shank]

Sigh...

 

Just curious how many of you have to deal with this, how often, and how you handle it?

 

You have not given enough information about your situation for anybody to render any practical advice. She might have a legitimate beef or she might be bat s*** crazy.

 

Well Pearl, it is a woman we're talking about.........so I vote for the latter!(Hmm, maybe there really is a reason mine dislikes me so much!)

[Hawkeye77]

I told my gf when we started dating,

#1 my family

#2 my work

#3 my golf

#4 my car

#5 you

 

I'm surprised that we're still together!! :cheesy:

 

Hang on to her!

 

LOL, reminds me of terrible Queen song, "I'm In Love With My Car" - of course, Freddie's car was named Paul, and why not.

[1s1k]

Let me go ask my ex-wife. Nah, I'm all set.

[Wriggles]

I told my gf when we started dating,

#1 my family

#2 my work

#3 my golf

#4 my car

#5 you

 

I'm surprised that we're still together!! :cheesy:

 

I've always said, "My missus has four priorities:"

 

!. God, Mother, and HER family.

2. Her job.

3. Everyone else.

4. Me.

 

Works out well for a golf addict like me, for over 30 years.