Jack Nicklaus Sued by the Nicklaus Companies. 6/6/22 Update: Norman Calls out "Hypocrite" Nicklaus

[golfortennis]

5 hours ago, BlackDiamondPar5 said:

Q: What's black and brown and looks good on an attorney?

A: A doberman pinscher.

Q: What's the problem with lawyer jokes?

A: Lawyer's don't think they're funny, and no one else thinks they're jokes.

 

Q: What's the difference between lawyers and buzzards?

A: Lawyers have removable wing tips.

all in good fun my attorney friends and I don't mind engineer jokes 🙂 
 

 

If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, how many orchards keep a lawyer away?

[Soloman1]

Everyone hates lawyer, until they need one.

[ThinkingPlus]

1 hour ago, Soloman1 said:

Everyone hates lawyer, until they need one.

Not true.  We would still hate the lawyers and hate the fact we needed one which is also because of a lawyer.

[Soloman1]

3 minutes ago, ThinkingPlus said:

Not true.  We would still hate the lawyers and hate the fact we needed one which is also because of a lawyer.

 

I'm calling my lawyer.

[ThinkingPlus]

13 minutes ago, Soloman1 said:

 

I'm calling my lawyer.

Whatcha callin him/her?  I can come up with some good names.  

[Hawkeye77]

@ThinkingPlus needs a chuckle!

 

 

 

 

[Jim53]

18 hours ago, BlackDiamondPar5 said:

Q: What's black and brown and looks good on an attorney?

A: A doberman pinscher.

Q: What's the problem with lawyer jokes?

A: Lawyer's don't think they're funny, and no one else thinks they're jokes.

 

Q: What's the difference between lawyers and buzzards?

A: Lawyers have removable wing tips.

all in good fun my attorney friends and I don't mind engineer jokes 🙂 
 

How many Engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

No one knows, they are still talking about it.

 

Or to gab at Divers,

How many divers does it take to screw in a shackle pin?

4 total, one to hold the pin and three to turn the diver...

[golfortennis]

7 minutes ago, Jim53 said:

How many Engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

No one knows, they are still talking about it.

 

Or to gab at Divers,

How many divers does it take to screw in a shackle pin?

4 total, one to hold the pin and three to turn the diver...

 

Too long to post but I heard a comedian's bit once about what the instructions on how to use a coat hanger would read if an engineer wrote them.  It was hilarious.  And about 3 minutes long.

Edited July 13, 2022 by golfortennis

[Soloman1]

Hey! Engineers make things! How’d you like a life without electricity, bridges, TV, cars, phones, golf clubs, green mowers, airplanes, air conditioning, computers, vacuum cleaners?

 

Lawyers make, uh, nothing.

[ThinkingPlus]

56 minutes ago, Hawkeye77 said:

@ThinkingPlus needs a chuckle!

 

 

 

 

We actually did that once.  Never leave a bunch of optical engineers unsupervised with latex gloves and dry ice during an important test with dangerous chemicals loaded and ready to go. LOL.

[ThinkingPlus]

16 minutes ago, Soloman1 said:

Hey! Engineers make things! How’d you like a life without electricity, bridges, TV, cars, phones, golf clubs, green mowers, airplanes, air conditioning, computers, vacuum cleaners?

 

Lawyers make, uh, nothing.

Lawyers make more lawyers.  They are human Tribbles.

[Greg_B]

11 hours ago, Soloman1 said:

Everyone hates lawyer, until they need one.

 

True, but then it flips back again once they see the bill.

[aenemated]

4 hours ago, Soloman1 said:

Hey! Engineers make things!

 

Damn right!

 

I'LL SHUT THIS INTERNET DOWN RIGHT NOW! 

[BlackDiamondPar5]

4 hours ago, ThinkingPlus said:

Lawyers make more lawyers.  They are human Tribbles.

I've said the same for years.   I like the Tribbles analogy 🤣 

[Hawkeye77]

5 hours ago, ThinkingPlus said:

We actually did that once.  Never leave a bunch of optical engineers unsupervised with latex gloves and dry ice during an important test with dangerous chemicals loaded and ready to go. LOL.

I seem to recall that cartoon being relevant to your work!

[Hawkeye77]

5 hours ago, Soloman1 said:

Hey! Engineers make things! How’d you like a life without electricity, bridges, TV, cars, phones, golf clubs, green mowers, airplanes, air conditioning, computers, vacuum cleaners?

 

Lawyers make, uh, nothing.

Now, now . . . . they design, analyze and specify things by and large . . . I'll still give 'em the credit but let's not forget all our hardworking men and women actually making things on those factory lines, pouring that concrete, actually assembling the flux capacitor!  

 

BTW, a famous lawyer and pretty much socialist, Clarence Darrow, would be proud of my workers unite mantra!

Edited July 13, 2022 by Hawkeye77

[Fairways_and_Greens]

5 hours ago, ThinkingPlus said:

Lawyers make more lawyers.  They are human Tribbles.

My business ethics professor claimed that the number of lawyers per capita was an inverse measurement of a country’s morals. 

[betarhoalphadelta]

When I was a freshman engineering student we had a seminar course where representatives of various engineering disciplines from companies would come in and talk about their jobs / fields. 

 

One was a patent attorney. He said--and this was in 1996--that the starting salary range for a patent attorney fresh out of law school was $90-160K per year. 

 

Sure, it takes 4 years of engineering, followed by 3 years of law school, followed by 1 year of specialty law school for patent law... But I'll admit I was tempted lol...

[Dpavs]

21 minutes ago, Fairways_and_Greens said:

My business ethics professor claimed that the number of lawyers per capita was an inverse measurement of a country’s morals. 

 

Isn't business ethics an oxymoron? Feels like there is a moron in there somewhere. (I kid of course!)

[aenemated]

5 minutes ago, Dpavs said:

Isn't business ethics an oxymoron? 

 

 

[bscinstnct]

54 minutes ago, aenemated said:

 

 

 

🤣

80s the best to go to movies!

 

 

[lowndes]

1 hour ago, betarhoalphadelta said:

When I was a freshman engineering student we had a seminar course where representatives of various engineering disciplines from companies would come in and talk about their jobs / fields. 

 

One was a patent attorney. He said--and this was in 1996--that the starting salary range for a patent attorney fresh out of law school was $90-160K per year. 

 

Sure, it takes 4 years of engineering, followed by 3 years of law school, followed by 1 year of specialty law school for patent law... But I'll admit I was tempted lol...

 

These days it is $215K (before bonus).  And you don't need to be a patent attorney or an engineer first.  Just need to graduate from a top law school or do well at law school and join a law firm that pays top of the market comp.  If you don't want to hire a lawyer then don't - nobody is making you.  It is hard to produce things, etc. with no capital, financing, etc. though which lawyers typically help raise.  Every job produces "something" or adds value otherwise they would cease to exist.

[ThinkingPlus]

2 hours ago, Hawkeye77 said:

I seem to recall that cartoon being relevant to your work!

Just not rockets, but equally dangerous supersonic flowing chemicals.

[Jim53]

8 hours ago, Soloman1 said:

Hey! Engineers make things! How’d you like a life without electricity, bridges, TV, cars, phones, golf clubs, green mowers, airplanes, air conditioning, computers, vacuum cleaners?

 

Lawyers make, uh, nothing.

I have the pleasure of working with Engineers in the U.S. the Caribbean and South America. Being a non Engineer but 40 years of field experience it is sometimes fun to try and explain why the procedure you drew up simply will not work in the real world.

In years past most Engineers in this field were very reasonable and knew things had to be a bit flexible, but these young folks that do most everything on CAD or Solidworks think it is possible to drive a 30" square pile 120-150 ft in the ground with a Diesel or Hydraulic hammer and hold a .50" tolerance because that is what their computer says they need.

It is nearly impossible to hold a 1-2" tolerance and just dumb luck if the .50" happens 1 out of 10 times. 

 

This is the largest pile driver in the world we manufacture, Fun stuff, big toys

 

Now back to Jack being Jack

[drbonesvt]

22 minutes ago, Jim53 said:

I have the pleasure of working with Engineers in the U.S. the Caribbean and South America. Being a non Engineer but 40 years of field experience it is sometimes fun to try and explain why the procedure you drew up simply will not work in the real world.

In years past most Engineers in this field were very reasonable and knew things had to be a bit flexible, but these young folks that do most everything on CAD or Solidworks think it is possible to drive a 30" square pile 120-150 ft in the ground with a Diesel or Hydraulic hammer and hold a .50" tolerance because that is what their computer says they need.

It is nearly impossible to hold a 1-2" tolerance and just dumb luck if the .50" happens 1 out of 10 times. 

 

This is the largest pile driver in the world we manufacture, Fun stuff, big toys

 

Now back to Jack being Jack

Phils head might break that thing if you where to hammer common sense into it 

[RSinSG]

My middle son is a lawyer. Thankfully I raised him right and he’s a prosecuting attorney for a county happily putting bad guys in jail. After being a LEO for 30 years I don’t think I’d be happy if he chose criminal defense or personal injury.

[golfortennis]

18 hours ago, lowndes said:

 

These days it is $215K (before bonus).  And you don't need to be a patent attorney or an engineer first.  Just need to graduate from a top law school or do well at law school and join a law firm that pays top of the market comp.  If you don't want to hire a lawyer then don't - nobody is making you.  It is hard to produce things, etc. with no capital, financing, etc. though which lawyers typically help raise.  Every job produces "something" or adds value otherwise they would cease to exist.

 

I hear Bendini, Lambert & Locke have some openings.

[jdl]

20 hours ago, aenemated said:

 

Damn right!

 

I'LL SHUT THIS INTERNET DOWN RIGHT NOW! 

Who are you, Al Gore?

[Chunkitgood]

I hired a lot of engineers and scientists of the years.  Was always puzzled how they managed to reproduce, or get a date for that matter.

 

Actually, my mother was a chemist and my wife’s mother a physicist (or so I was told)…it’s the male ones I was talking about.

[Hawkeye77]

2 hours ago, Chunkitgood said:

I hired a lot of engineers and scientists of the years.  Was always puzzled how they managed to reproduce, or get a date for that matter.

 

Actually, my mother was a chemist and my wife’s mother a physicist (or so I was told)…it’s the male ones I was talking about.

It’s called fusion!