Best golf insults or one liners

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  • Hoodman22Hoodman22  51WRX Points: 26Handicap: 9Members Posts: 51 Bunkers
    Joined:  #32

    Have a guy who never bothers to tend/pull pins
    Ask him “Do you know how much the pin weighs?”
    Answers “No”
    “How could you? Cuz you haven’t picked up a

    On -, @#$&* pin all day”
    Posted:
    Ping G5 13.5 Driver
    Ping G30 5 Wood
    TEE EX-9 22 hybrid
    Callaway 26 hybrid
    Ping i25 6-S
    Cleveland RTX 58
    Nike Drone 2 Counterbalance
  • GolfWRXGolfWRX Warning Points: 0  11 Members Posts: 11 #ad
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  • Jackal66Jackal66  280WRX Points: 87Handicap: 22Members Posts: 280 Greens
    Joined:  #33

    After someone hits a weak or bad shot
    "Hit it with your purse, Stella".

    Posted:
  • GolfNuts4GolfNuts4  744WRX Points: 116Handicap: 16Members Posts: 744 Golden Tee
    Joined:  #34

    "Other than distance and direction, that was a good putt"

    Posted:
    Callaway Rogue 10.5* Driver
    Callaway Rogue 3 Wood
    Callaway Big Bertha (2004) 5 wood
    Ping G30 4 Hybrid
    Mizuno 919 Hot Metal Irons 5-GW
    Titleist Vokey Wedges 56/60
    Scotty Cameron Monterey
  • ohioglfrohioglfr Municipal Junkie Dayton, Ohio 866WRX Points: 163Handicap: 16Members Posts: 866 Golden Tee
    Joined:  #35

    When someone sets up for a drive, ask them if they breathe in or out on the downswing.
    That will mess with their focus.
    -Harvey Penick

    Posted:

    Adams Speedline 9088UL 10.5* AXIVCore 69 Black (S)
    Ping G SF Tec 3W, 5W Alta 65 (R)
    Ping G 4H,5H Alta 70 (R)
    Ping G 6-U TT XP 95 (soft R)
    Ping Glide 54*, 58* WS TT XP 100 (R)
    Ping Darby Sigma G

  • Crazy About GolfCrazy About Golf  427WRX Points: 199Handicap: 1.1Members Posts: 427 Greens
    Joined:  #36

    On -, @dcfas said:

    In less sensitive to gender days, the phrase, “Hit it, Alice” may have been heard every so often, usually after a short putt.

    It's actually Alliss.....for Peter Alliss. Not a reference to a female at all......so you're totally in the clear to keep using it!

    Posted:
    Cobra F9 Speedback 8 degree, Project X HZRDUS Smoke Black 60 in 6.5
    Mizuno CLK 16 degree hybrid, Fujikura Speeder in x-flex
    Mizuno MP18 3-PW, Dynamic Gold x-100
    Mizuno T7 52 degree, 56 degree, 60 degree
    Scotty Cameron Phantom X 8 putter
    ​Titleist Pro-V1
  • Crazy About GolfCrazy About Golf  427WRX Points: 199Handicap: 1.1Members Posts: 427 Greens
    Joined:  #37

    One time a buddy of mine outdrove me by a mile.....as we walked up to my ball, he looked at me and said, "You know, you really should take the cover off your driver before you tee off next time."

    I stole this one from an article I read years ago, but I dropped it on my pops:
    After we both teed off and arrived at my dad's ball, I said to him, "Hey Dad, did you hear they're building a new mall here in town???.....Yeah, between your ball and mine."

    Posted:
    Cobra F9 Speedback 8 degree, Project X HZRDUS Smoke Black 60 in 6.5
    Mizuno CLK 16 degree hybrid, Fujikura Speeder in x-flex
    Mizuno MP18 3-PW, Dynamic Gold x-100
    Mizuno T7 52 degree, 56 degree, 60 degree
    Scotty Cameron Phantom X 8 putter
    ​Titleist Pro-V1
  • GolfWRXGolfWRX Warning Points: 0  11 Members Posts: 11 #ad
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  • eball33eball33 Mount Vernon 77WRX Points: 58Handicap: 4Members Posts: 77 Fairways
    Joined:  #38

    I watched a guy top one about 20 yds off the tee and my buddy who is a great golfer asked him with a straight face" do you know what you did wrong there?" the guy thought he was about to get a good swing tip said "no what did i do?" then my buddy hit him with "you were standing too close to the ball AFTER you hit it!"

    Posted:
  • JedaigekiJedaigeki  328WRX Points: 81Members Posts: 328 Greens
    Joined:  #39

    A favourite in our group is when someone fats their approach with a wedge- "that was a good shot, but I probably would've gone for it from there. Nice safe lay-up though..."

    Posted:
  • shakeyshakey OvenWRX 1  5840WRX Points: 348Handicap: 4Members Posts: 5,840 Titanium Tees
    Joined:  #40

    Guy in our group pops his tee shot on 1 dead left out of bounds. Kind of weird guy that played a lot with us kills him with “460 CCs of forgiveness and still shanked it!” Roughly 10 yrs later we still give him grief about it.

    Posted:
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    NIKE VR Pro II Hybrid 3 (21) w/PX Graphite 5.5
    Ping i E1 3-PW w/CFS Distance Stiff

    Ping Glide 3.0 52SS and 58SS w/DGS300
    Ping Vault 2.0 Dale Anser

    TM TP5 Pix
  • ldandrealdandrea dearborn 47WRX Points: 64Handicap: 18Members Posts: 47 Bunkers
    Joined:  #41

    On -, @ohioglfr said:

    When someone sets up for a drive, ask them if they breathe in or out on the downswing.
    That will mess with their focus.
    -Harvey Penick

    I'm going to do this to my brother next time we play!

    Posted:
  • ldandrealdandrea dearborn 47WRX Points: 64Handicap: 18Members Posts: 47 Bunkers
    Joined:  #42

    On -, @Crazy About Golf said:

    One time a buddy of mine outdrove me by a mile.....as we walked up to my ball, he looked at me and said, "You know, you really should take the cover off your driver before you tee off next time."

    I stole this one from an article I read years ago, but I dropped it on my pops:
    After we both teed off and arrived at my dad's ball, I said to him, "Hey Dad, did you hear they're building a new mall here in town???.....Yeah, between your ball and mine."

    I had a kid tell me that the other day. I fell for it hook line and sinker. I hit a great drive for me and he hit it at least 75 yards further.

    Posted:
  • GolfWRXGolfWRX Warning Points: 0  11 Members Posts: 11 #ad
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  • ldandrealdandrea dearborn 47WRX Points: 64Handicap: 18Members Posts: 47 Bunkers
    Joined:  #43

    On -, @eball33 said:

    I watched a guy top one about 20 yds off the tee and my buddy who is a great golfer asked him with a straight face" do you know what you did wrong there?" the guy thought he was about to get a good swing tip said "no what did i do?" then my buddy hit him with "you were standing too close to the ball AFTER you hit it!"

    This is my new favorite!

    Posted:
  • LeoLeo99LeoLeo99  4658WRX Points: 556Members Posts: 4,658 Titanium Tees
    Joined:  #44

    If I out drive a bud, I'll walk to his ball in the fairway and act like it's mine. Either he'll correct me or I'll "realize" it. Then it's time to lay it on. I can't believe that's my ball way up there. Can't believe I out drove you by that much. You must not have hit yours that well.

    Posted:
  • bigred90gtbigred90gt  4820WRX Points: 552Lefty Boomers Posts: 4,820 Titanium Tees
    Joined:  #45

    On -, @BermBuster said:

    After a popped-up drive, "Did you just hit a pitching wood?"

    I like to call it the driver wedge.

    When someone hits a great drive, then proceeds to hit a miserable follow up, or bogey (or worse) the hole, there is always a “great drive” thrown out.

    Posted:
  • bigred90gtbigred90gt  4820WRX Points: 552Lefty Boomers Posts: 4,820 Titanium Tees
    Joined:  #46

    On -, @KAndyMan said:

    Overheard a guy tell his buddy who left his putt severly short “might have better luck using your purse next time”.

    We use that one a lot. “Hit it with your purse”. Sometimes it’s “why don’t you let your boyfriend hit the next one”.

    Posted:
  • rich_s2rich_s2 wisconsin 993WRX Points: 773Handicap: 1.6Members Posts: 993 Golden Tee
    Joined:  #47

    I played with 2 scratch golfers in a tournament a few weeks back. One of them topped it bad with his driver and left a big rut, about a foot long, in the ground in front of his tee from the ball. Other guy walked up behind it, looked carefully at it and said "great line!"

    Posted:
  • GolfWRXGolfWRX Warning Points: 0  11 Members Posts: 11 #ad
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  • huckitchuckithuckitchuckit California  105WRX Points: 45Members Posts: 105 Fairways
    Joined:  #48

    FISO - Fu** i'm still out

    Posted:
  • RichsgboxRichsgbox  225WRX Points: 49Members Posts: 225 Fairways
    Joined:  #49

    Got paired with a couple retirees. Shanked my driver in the 1st hole and after grounding my 3w on hole 2, old man says "obviously you don't golf. What do you do for a living?"

    Posted:
  • RichsgboxRichsgbox  225WRX Points: 49Members Posts: 225 Fairways
    Joined:  #50

    On -, @ldandrea said:

    I played with a guy the other day who gave me the best one liner I’ve ever heard. I shanked my drive on the first tee and he turned to me straight faced and said “shake it off you had a bad lie”. I almost pissed myself! What’s the best one liner or insult you’ve heard on the course?

    Stealing this one. Lol.

    Posted:
  • ImpImp Fueled  6202WRX Points: 279Handicap: 12.6Members Posts: 6,202 Titanium Tees
    Joined:  #51

    On -, @bigred90gt said:

    On -, @BermBuster said:

    After a popped-up drive, "Did you just hit a pitching wood?"

    I like to call it the driver wedge.

    When someone hits a great drive, then proceeds to hit a miserable follow up, or bogey (or worse) the hole, there is always a “great drive” thrown out.

    I get that a lot. It's rather old when you hear it on every hole.

    --kC

    Posted:
    Callaway Rogue 10.5 / Callaway Rogue 3W / Mizuno JPX-EZ Forged Irons / Callaway MD4 52*, 58*, 64*
  • ImpImp Fueled  6202WRX Points: 279Handicap: 12.6Members Posts: 6,202 Titanium Tees
    Joined:  #52

    On -, @huckitchuckit said:

    FISO - Fu** i'm still out

    USGA - U Suck, Go Again.

    --kC

    Posted:
    Callaway Rogue 10.5 / Callaway Rogue 3W / Mizuno JPX-EZ Forged Irons / Callaway MD4 52*, 58*, 64*
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  • The Mad BomberThe Mad Bomber I seem to not like new things. Get off my lawn...  1088WRX Points: 184Members Posts: 1,088 Platinum Tees
    Joined:  #53

    My best original line - One of the guys I was playing with cold topped one after the fastest backswing you've ever seen. I came out with "The only thing faster than that backswing was your first time inside a woman". It got a good laugh from the boys.

    Posted:
    Host of the Blades4Life Podcast

    TS 3 8.5º w/ Grafalloy blue
    909F2 15.5º w/ Grafalloy blue
    T-MB 2 iron C-Taper
    Mizuno MP-5,  4-9 C-Taper
    SM6 47º, 52º, 56º, 60 C-Taper
    Scotty Newport 2, 35" Tour Issue X7, Hard stepped x2, Tipped 2"



  • AppAlumAppAlum  799WRX Points: 145Members Posts: 799 Golden Tee
    Joined:  #54

    Had someone ask me if they had potential. Told them they had “the potential to take a lot of lessons”.

    Posted:
  • RichsgboxRichsgbox  225WRX Points: 49Members Posts: 225 Fairways
    Joined:  #55

    Heard a good one today. Got a buddy whos weakness has always been driving. After he pipes one down the middle of the fairway on the 1st hole, our other friend says "thats a nonconforming driver". Had me dying.

    Posted:
  • ThinkingPlusThinkingPlus South Texas 2206WRX Points: 1,087Handicap: 0.6ClubWRX Posts: 2,206 ClubWRX
    Joined:  #56

    "Get it close" for a 3' putt.

    Posted:
    Driver: Callaway GBB Epic 8° w/Project X HZRDUS T800 65 gm 6.0 flex
    3W: Callaway Rogue w/Project X Evenflow 5.5 Graphite R-flex
    Hybrids: Callaway Apex 3h, 4h w/MR Kuro Kage 80HY S-flex
    Irons: Maltby TS-1 5i-GW w/KBS Tour R-flex
    Sand Wedge: Titleist Vokey SM7 54/08 M Grind w/KBS Tour R-Flex
    Lob Wedge: Titleist Vokey SM6 58/04 L Grind w/TT Wedge Flex
    Putter: Scotty Cameron Futura X w/Super Stroke Claw 1.0
    Ball: Snell MTB-X in yellow
  • aenematedaenemated Los Angeles, CA 536WRX Points: 663Members Posts: 536 Golden Tee
    Joined:  #57

    On -, @ThinkingPlus said:

    "Get it close" for a 3' putt.

    Aaaaand I'm stealing that one.

    Posted:

    Titleist TS4 9.5°
    Titleist TS2 FW 15°, 18°
    Titleist TS2 Hybrid 19° 22°
    Mizuno MP-20 MMC 5-6
    Mizuno MP-20 MB 7-PW
    Miura 52°, 56° RTG
    Scotty Cameron Phantom X 8
    Bridgestone Tour B XS

  • GolfWRXGolfWRX Warning Points: 0  11 Members Posts: 11 #ad
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  • touchtouch Asheville, NC 4174WRX Points: 1,682Charter Members Posts: 4,174 Titanium Tees
    Joined:  #58

    When asked by a newcomer, " what's your handicap?"
    Reply
    " small dick and bad breath"
    They never see that one coming!

    Posted:
    Ping G400 9* Alta 
    TM rbz stage 2  15* Matrix
    Ping i20  5 wood Project X
    Callaway Epic 4 hybrid  Recoil 
    TM gapr 5  KBS 
    TM M5  6-pw  tensei orange 
    Ping Glide 2.0 -- 50, 56, 60 all SS grind
    G. Rife two bar  cs  

  • dayvei214dayvei214  130WRX Points: 42Members Posts: 130 Fairways
    Joined:  #59

    On -, @rich s said:

    I played with 2 scratch golfers in a tournament a few weeks back. One of them topped it bad with his driver and left a big rut, about a foot long, in the ground in front of his tee from the ball. Other guy walked up behind it, looked carefully at it and said "great line!"

    ouch, thats like the guy that said to Bubba after he gave a spectator some sh**
    "Can you back up, you’re really not supposed to be back here,” Watson asked to the spectator.
    “Neither is your ball,” the fan replied.

    Posted:
  • bigred90gtbigred90gt  4820WRX Points: 552Lefty Boomers Posts: 4,820 Titanium Tees
    Joined:  #60

    On -, @ThinkingPlus said:

    "Get it close" for a 3' putt.

    I like to tell them "your next one is good".

    Posted:
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  • Wander BreadWander Bread  81WRX Points: 35Handicap: 4.2Members Posts: 81 Fairways
    Joined:  #61

    My favorite one and a go-to
    Guy in the group hits a poor shot and is acting all confused as to how that happened.
    Response: I think you have a LOFT problem
    Wait for the guy to respond (a lot of times they go yeah you may be right)
    And then the next response: Yeah definitely a LOFT problem, Lack Of F*ucking Talent

    Got a guy with that the other day and the caddie who had been on mini tours for years and played with everyone from John Daly to Ernie Els lost it and had never heard it before. As long as you use it in the right situation it's a can't miss!

    Posted:
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