Need some major advice

[MtlJeff]

As others have said if this is not a major event, it's unlikely he could get DQ'd now anyway. The event is over and unless there's points accumulated through a season or something like that --I doubt there's any real structural way to actually DQ him a few days after the fact

 

I would as you say, have him notify the coach. Confirm with him that he did. Let him face the consequences with the coach

 

I wouldn't disown him or anything yet. I fall in the middle here. I believe sometimes getting caught doing something like this is a good learning opportunity. Sometimes getting caught at a young age, makes you less likely to do it again because you learn actions have consequences, even if it's just embarrassment or disappointment from authority figures

 

 

 

[TiScape]

18 hours ago, HawkFan03 said:

My boy played in an event today and I found out he had his slope feature on and was using it. He’s 15 years old, knew it was on, knew it was against the rules.

 

I’m beyond disappointed and upset, and am taking this very seriously. I’m not sure how to handle this.

 

Make him tell his coach? Make him notify those in charge of the event?

 

My wife and daughter think I’m blowing this out of proportion with the “I’m sure many do it”. But I give two craps about other kids, this is my son who I’m trying to raise to be honest and respect the game, etc.

 

Thoughts? How should I handle this?

 

Thanks

 

 

The answer lies within your post. It’s clear how you feel. Do what you feel is right. 

[tsecor]

18 hours ago, HawkFan03 said:

My boy played in an event today and I found out he had his slope feature on and was using it. He’s 15 years old, knew it was on, knew it was against the rules.

 

I’m beyond disappointed and upset, and am taking this very seriously. I’m not sure how to handle this.

 

Make him tell his coach? Make him notify those in charge of the event?

 

My wife and daughter think I’m blowing this out of proportion with the “I’m sure many do it”. But I give two craps about other kids, this is my son who I’m trying to raise to be honest and respect the game, etc.

 

Thoughts? How should I handle this?

 

Thanks

 

 

come clean....its the only option if you want to do it right.

 

its a great life lesson. 

 

come clean, move on and dont kill him with guilt afterwards

 

its a real simple solution

[RmoorePE]

Seems pretty simple. Sucks that it was a partner event because he is letting down his partner. Also sounds like he thought it more a more casual outing than a serious tournament and so a lapse of judgment can be explained. You don't need to get too mad IMO. Kids do dumb stuff all the time, but as soon as he owns up to his mistake officially - this thing likely becomes a nothing burger. He learns a lesson, and feels a lot better getting this out from under his hat.

 

Just rip off the band aid. Say sorry to partner and coach, and let the chips fall where they may. 

 

Range finders should be built with a big red button on the outside that clearly shows OFF and ON then this would be less of an issue. (Some have this, but all should).

[chippa13]

I always find it odd that one can't use a range finder with slope but can carry a book that gives the contours of the green in excruciating detail.

[GLF4EVR]

41 minutes ago, HawkFan03 said:

What's crazy is that my son is a huge rule follower and extremely well behaved. Always has been. Every coach he's ever had, regardless of the sport, love him and wish they had more like him.

 

If it wouldn't have been on, there's zero chance he would have turned it on. But that's not the case. Him and I were practicing the night before and had it on. I should have reminded him to turn it off that night or before the tournament but I can't hold his hand 24/7.

 

He knows he disappointed me and what he did was wrong, he feels terrible. I think in his mind, he was thinking this was more of a "fun outing" with a girl rather than an official meet. Now he knows.

 

I'm for sure going to have him tell his hs coach and get his opinion. That still won't satisfy me most likely however. I'm freaking pissed. Last night I had the official rules book out and I'm just flat out yelling out the rules to my family in the living room. lol

Will admit, this changes my perspective a little.  At 15 years old.....might be he was trying to impress the girl with his vast knowledge of yardage & what to do, (just thinkin' like a male).  Need to try talking to him a little more to maybe see why he did not turn the slope function off.

 

Also, you might have gone a step too far with the strong verbal reciting of the rules.  Family apology might be in order.

 

When I was a kid, it was just my mother & me.  My best friends dad was my male influence when I was young.  Just knowing he was disappointed in us was enough to keep us from doing it again.  At least when I was around, he would never never yell.  However, was really good at getting the point across of what we did wrong & would go thru where things could have really gone bad.

 

Had graduated high school and after about 20 years moved back to the area.  I had finally been able to catch his dad at the family store one day.  I had not seen him for at least 25 years.  Walked up behind him & said, "Hi Mr. --------, how are you doing?".  He turned around & the split second he saw me he knew exactly who I was.  "Christ, I haven't seen you for ever!  I'm surprised you are still alive from all the sh-t you kids used to do when you were little!".  So...just to close, little things mean a lot.  

[MelloYello]

3 hours ago, HawkFan03 said:

What's crazy is that my son is a huge rule follower and extremely well behaved. Always has been. Every coach he's ever had, regardless of the sport, love him and wish they had more like him.

 

If it wouldn't have been on, there's zero chance he would have turned it on. But that's not the case. Him and I were practicing the night before and had it on. I should have reminded him to turn it off that night or before the tournament but I can't hold his hand 24/7.

 

He knows he disappointed me and what he did was wrong, he feels terrible. I think in his mind, he was thinking this was more of a "fun outing" with a girl rather than an official meet. Now he knows.

 

I'm for sure going to have him tell his hs coach and get his opinion. That still won't satisfy me most likely however. I'm freaking pissed. Last night I had the official rules book out and I'm just flat out yelling out the rules to my family in the living room. lol

 

Eh, don't be yelling RoG at the family. Now you sound nuts, LOL. 🙂

 

The last thing you want to do is over-react and I like that you polled the audience on this one. I remember similar instances when I was a kid. The punishments were always personal. I'd have to go without something for awhile or give up my favored baseball glove in favor of my back-up or something.

 

Then again, I never cheated which is a strangely anti-social offense. I had a big mouth as a kid and so I got a lot of spankings (which I deserved!). That's easy. Selecting a punishment for cheating seems very challenging. In a way, it's more complicated, particularly if your son knowingly cheated. 

 

My hunch is that this was a personal sin and thus the punishment needs to be personal as well. I would be careful not to shame your son in front of his friends, especially the girl. There's a lesson to be learned but you don't want to unnecessarily humiliate him. 

 

I would tell your son to DQ himself. Have him report that he "accidentally" had it on. If you're confident he really knew, do him the favor of keeping it between you two this time. People make mistakes. People do things as kids they look back on with shame. No need to make this bigger than it is. 

Edited June 9, 2021 by MelloYello

[Warrior42111]

In my perspective as a coach of other sports, you need to figure out why he decided to do it first, when trying to deal with him.

 

Did he just leave in on from the practice round and didn't catch it til a couple holes in then said screw it? Was it done with intent to cheat? Each reason probably has a slightly different way to correct the behavior.

 

Lastly, remember we're talking about a teenager. The brain especially critical thinking and reasoning areas still develop until our mid 20s. This is why you need to see what he was thinking to address the issue. Yes you should have him talk to the rules official and explain what happened. But berating him and trying to make him regret actions without understanding the cause will get him nothing to learn from. Solve the cause to solve the problem

[Gsea]

3 hours ago, HawkFan03 said:

What's crazy is that my son is a huge rule follower and extremely well behaved. Always has been. Every coach he's ever had, regardless of the sport, love him and wish they had more like him.

 

If it wouldn't have been on, there's zero chance he would have turned it on. But that's not the case. Him and I were practicing the night before and had it on. I should have reminded him to turn it off that night or before the tournament but I can't hold his hand 24/7.

 

He knows he disappointed me and what he did was wrong, he feels terrible. I think in his mind, he was thinking this was more of a "fun outing" with a girl rather than an official meet. Now he knows.

 

I'm for sure going to have him tell his hs coach and get his opinion. That still won't satisfy me most likely however. I'm freaking pissed. Last night I had the official rules book out and I'm just flat out yelling out the rules to my family in the living room. lol

First u need to calm the F down, bet the wife was proud of that moment. If he is truly remorseful my bet is he learned his lesson. Have him talk to his coach and get on with the season. He's 15

[nvr3putt]

Perhaps your son didn't think the event was 'big enough' to worry about this particular rule? Simple as that.  

 

I would not make too big of a fuss. Unless he's intellectually challenged, let him figure out life on his own and try not to force your beliefs down his throat. He'll only resent you later on.  

 

 

[rp4golf]

20 hours ago, HawkFan03 said:

My boy played in an event today and I found out he had his slope feature on and was using it. He’s 15 years old, knew it was on, knew it was against the rules.

 

I’m beyond disappointed and upset, and am taking this very seriously. I’m not sure how to handle this.

 

Make him tell his coach? Make him notify those in charge of the event?

 

My wife and daughter think I’m blowing this out of proportion with the “I’m sure many do it”. But I give two craps about other kids, this is my son who I’m trying to raise to be honest and respect the game, etc.

 

Thoughts? How should I handle this?

 

Thanks

 

 

Tough one, but at the same time an easy one.

Frankly, I agree with you that you should have him apologize and report his transgression himself - but be with him, and be his (firm) back-up when he does.
And tell your wife and daughter, that regardless the excuse that "others do it" - explain to them that golf is a game of honor, and that in the overwhelming of cases is self-ruled. And that if you let this one go, then what's going to happen next time?

Because, end of the day, in today's day and age, it's too easy for the transgressions of our youth to follow us for eternity ... and all you have to do is look at Patrick Reed as an example, which nobody would even know of his rules fudgiong and accused thievery when he was in high school and college had it not been for him being caught cheating in a PGA Tour event.

"Your reputation preceeds you."

[golfandfishing]

2 hours ago, chippa13 said:

I always find it odd that one can't use a range finder with slope but can carry a book that gives the contours of the green in excruciating detail.

There’s lots of things many of us don’t understand. We play by the rules in effect, as participants we don’t hold the authority to change rules while the round is underway. Thinking a rule is silly isn’t anywhere near a valid reason to break it. 

[HackDaddy360]

21 hours ago, HawkFan03 said:

My boy played in an event today and I found out he had his slope feature on and was using it. He’s 15 years old, knew it was on, knew it was against the rules.

 

I’m beyond disappointed and upset, and am taking this very seriously. I’m not sure how to handle this.

 

Make him tell his coach? Make him notify those in charge of the event?

 

My wife and daughter think I’m blowing this out of proportion with the “I’m sure many do it”. But I give two craps about other kids, this is my son who I’m trying to raise to be honest and respect the game, etc.

 

Thoughts? How should I handle this?

 

Thanks

 

 

First, from one father to another, thank you for taking the high road as a parent and doing the tough work of helping the next generation understand integrity - both on and off the course.  
 

My vote is your son needs to self-report and own the consequences.  He also owes you a thorough and serious explanation about why he decided to do this and thought it was OK.  He also has earned a strong fatherly woodshed for his decision making after explaining it because, as you know, there is no good reason.  
 

Integrity matters broadly no matter how many people say it doesn’t.  He needs to go own it like a man, learn from it and move on. 

[Str8Putt]

4 hours ago, HawkFan03 said:

What's crazy is that my son is a huge rule follower and extremely well behaved. Always has been. Every coach he's ever had, regardless of the sport, love him and wish they had more like him.

 

If it wouldn't have been on, there's zero chance he would have turned it on. But that's not the case. Him and I were practicing the night before and had it on. I should have reminded him to turn it off that night or before the tournament but I can't hold his hand 24/7.

 

He knows he disappointed me and what he did was wrong, he feels terrible. I think in his mind, he was thinking this was more of a "fun outing" with a girl rather than an official meet. Now he knows.

 

I'm for sure going to have him tell his hs coach and get his opinion. That still won't satisfy me most likely however. I'm freaking pissed. Last night I had the official rules book out and I'm just flat out yelling out the rules to my family in the living room. lol

Hope this just you being funny. You're starting to sound like one of those dads that tries living through their kids and the kid winds up hating the sport. Saw it too many times in youth sports...

[Ri_Redneck]

Ditch the range finder and get him a Garmin S60. No slope and he'll finish the round far faster.

 

BT

[Str8Putt]

9 minutes ago, Ri_Redneck said:

Ditch the range finder and get him a Garmin S60. No slope and he'll finish the round far faster.

 

BT

May as well get the S62 since it's on sale for $399 🙂 but are those watches legal to use since they have the plays like feature?

[Gsea]

ya a 15 yr old needs a 400$ distance finder lmao. 

[SecondandGoal]

I agree with the general consensus that he should self-report. Kids need to learn accountability for their actions. Whatever the penalties are, he's got to accept them.

 

I always told my kids there's nothing wrong with making mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. The key is to learn from them and not repeat them. He's got to be accountable for his actions himself, but you can help him to learn from the mistake and help make sure he doesn't repeat it.

[8602081]

12 minutes ago, SecondandGoal said:

I agree with the general consensus that he should self-report. Kids need to learn accountability for their actions. Whatever the penalties are, he's got to accept them.

 

I always told my kids there's nothing wrong with making mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. The key is to learn from them and not repeat them. He's got to be accountable for his actions himself, but you can help him to learn from the mistake and help make sure he doesn't repeat it.

 

 

It's funny that nobody wants to use the "C" word for this..

 

 

 

Edited June 9, 2021 by 8602081

[Ri_Redneck]

29 minutes ago, Str8Putt said:

May as well get the S62 since it's on sale for $399 🙂 but are those watches legal to use since they have the plays like feature?

I believe all it says is plays longer on uphill and plays shorter on downhill. I don't think we need a device to tell us that.

 

BT

[Abh159]

7 minutes ago, 8602081 said:

 

 

It's funny that nobody wants to use the "C" word for this..

 

 

 

 

Reminds me of a friend that worked at an Apple store in high school. There was a looooooong list of words that they could be fired for using with a customer.

 

It included: broken, problem, crash, etc....

[smashdn]

7 hours ago, lefthack said:

 

I just got one and haven't used it yet, but mine doesn't have slope. I don't see how you could enforce a rule like that when the majority of new ones have slope. It just seems like a HORRIBLE idea to rely on the individual. 

 

 

Most golf rules are up to the individual to enforce and play by.  Rules officials don't enforce the rules, golfers do.

 

 

7 hours ago, lefthack said:

Either allow the device as us, or don't allow the device. That's like saying you can use a calculator for the test but only the even numbered keys. 🤣

 

They have modes.  Some models had different fronts and filters that blocked the slope feature and were color coded.

 

I fall into the camp of not allowing the device.  We were given two eyes.  Use those and whatever other features are on the course.  Distance judging is a golf skill to be tested as much as putting imo. 

[bcski]

6 hours ago, HawkFan03 said:

What's crazy is that my son is a huge rule follower and extremely well behaved. Always has been. Every coach he's ever had, regardless of the sport, love him and wish they had more like him.

 

If it wouldn't have been on, there's zero chance he would have turned it on. But that's not the case. Him and I were practicing the night before and had it on. I should have reminded him to turn it off that night or before the tournament but I can't hold his hand 24/7.

 

He knows he disappointed me and what he did was wrong, he feels terrible. I think in his mind, he was thinking this was more of a "fun outing" with a girl rather than an official meet. Now he knows.

 

I'm for sure going to have him tell his hs coach and get his opinion. That still won't satisfy me most likely however. I'm freaking pissed. Last night I had the official rules book out and I'm just flat out yelling out the rules to my family in the living room. lol

Op, this makes me question if you should have interaction with your son in regard to this specific sport.  Emotional control - especially as a parent - is a very important thing for an adult to possess.  I would suggest speaking to your family physician for a referral for counseling.  

 

You don't realize it but you have some emotions that could have very real repercussions in your life and that of your children even years from now when they have families of their own.

[HawkFan03]

54 minutes ago, bcski said:

Op, this makes me question if you should have interaction with your son in regard to this specific sport.  Emotional control - especially as a parent - is a very important thing for an adult to possess.  I would suggest speaking to your family physician for a referral for counseling.  

 

You don't realize it but you have some emotions that could have very real repercussions in your life and that of your children even years from now when they have families of their own.

You have zero clue, I’ll just keep it at that.

[chippa13]

1 hour ago, smashdn said:

 

Most golf rules are up to the individual to enforce and play by.  Rules officials don't enforce the rules, golfers do.

 

 

 

They have modes.  Some models had different fronts and filters that blocked the slope feature and were color coded.

 

I fall into the camp of not allowing the device.  We were given two eyes.  Use those and whatever other features are on the course.  Distance judging is a golf skill to be tested as much as putting imo. 

But reading greens isn't? Why allow green books and not range finders? Either both are in or both are out is the way I see it.

[lefthack]

1 hour ago, smashdn said:

 

I fall into the camp of not allowing the device.  We were given two eyes.  Use those and whatever other features are on the course.  Distance judging is a golf skill to be tested as much as putting imo. 

 

First off, we are talking about children. You can't expect children to police themselves, even ones who play golf.

 

Second, I am surprised they would be allowed to use one period. But to allow it "limited to normal mode" seems silly.

[chippa13]

58 minutes ago, bcski said:

Op, this makes me question if you should have interaction with your son in regard to this specific sport.  Emotional control - especially as a parent - is a very important thing for an adult to possess.  I would suggest speaking to your family physician for a referral for counseling.  

 

You don't realize it but you have some emotions that could have very real repercussions in your life and that of your children even years from now when they have families of their own.

Let's just forget about all the generations of kids who turned out just fine after the odd energetic lecture from a parent after doing wrong. I guess he should have given the kid a trophy instead?

[golfgirlrobin]

6 hours ago, MelloYello said:

I would tell your son to DQ himself. Have him report that he "accidentally" had it on. If you're confident he really knew, do him the favor of keeping it between you two this time. People make mistakes. People do things as kids they look back on with shame. No need to make this bigger than it is. 

It’s not bad enough that the kid cheated, now you want Dad to coach him on how to lie to minimize it?  Yikes. People do make mistakes but owning up to them is how responsible adults are made.  

[MtlJeff]

1 hour ago, chippa13 said:

Let's just forget about all the generations of kids who turned out just fine after the odd energetic lecture from a parent after doing wrong. I guess he should have given the kid a trophy instead?

 

There's no downside to being overly strict and energetically lecturing kids often. 

 

In fact, these were some of the best kinds of girls you could meet in university bars. 

[phizzy30]

It's really up to you but yeah making sure he doesn't do it again would be a good idea.  Just chalk it up as growing pains for your son.