Got expelled from my CC

[murdock_]

Absolutely attend the appeal. Your wife needs to put on the performance of her life and then be on her best behavior moving forward

[cardoustie]

As a former captain at a higher end club I am well versed in many incidents that lead to suspensions or outright expulsions

 

Pretty much every story involved cheating and/or booze (90%)

 

The suspensions were generally 3 days to a month and could be for fights, drunkenness and stupid loud comments on a patio or to staff … sprinkling pepper on a waitresses head for example

 

Certain events where the club was closed to non-participants (3 day member guest you could get away with murder FWIW)

 

Out the door and never back .. example .. member drunk beyond function with racial slurs screamed at staff and locking oneself in a bathroom until the police dragged them out

 

The suspensions were always first time offences and the member was extremely apologetic to management in the disciplinary meetings

 

The amount of members tossed out for comments to female wait staff is surprising .. some guys are just moronic clowns

 

[DavePelz4]

20 minutes ago, cardoustie said:

As a former captain at a higher end club I am well versed in many incidents that lead to suspensions or outright expulsions

 

Pretty much every story involved cheating and/or booze (90%)

 

The suspensions were generally 3 days to a month and could be for fights, drunkenness and stupid loud comments on a patio or to staff … sprinkling pepper on a waitresses head for example

 

Certain events where the club was closed to non-participants (3 day member guest you could get away with murder FWIW)

 

Out the door and never back .. example .. member drunk beyond function with racial slurs screamed at staff and locking oneself in a bathroom until the police dragged them out

 

The suspensions were always first time offences and the member was extremely apologetic to management in the disciplinary meetings

 

The amount of members tossed out for comments to female wait staff is surprising .. some guys are just moronic clowns

 

 

If you ever need a caddie for your M/G Uncle Cardie, let me know.

[PNWGuy]

2 hours ago, DavePelz4 said:

After doing some research, apparently in her stupor, she asked if a 4HDCP could beat an LPGA pro.

Or maybe she started a "can a 15 handicap play blades" discussion. They usually end with someone getting banned.

[Krt22]

36 minutes ago, cardoustie said:

 

 

Certain events where the club was closed to non-participants (3 day member guest you could get away with murder FWIW)

 

 

 

This is true. This year one guy go super loaded, was openly asking everyone for the booger sugar , was hanging all over some female booze reps who had a tent set up, nearly pissed on himself as he was pissing straight into the wind (while directly facing the 9th green), then ended passing out/sleeping in the club house. He awoke from his stupor and played the next day

 

But I can't say I have seen him at the club since then....

[the bishop]

If the OP wants to know how this ends up, go read "Appointment in Samarra" by John O'Hara.

[DavePelz4]

12 minutes ago, the bishop said:

If the OP wants to know how this ends up, go read "Appointment in Samarra" by John O'Hara.

 

Not exactly a story that ends with "And they live happily ever after."

[thezinfan]

1 hour ago, Krt22 said:

This is true. This year one guy go super loaded, was openly asking everyone for the booger sugar , was hanging all over some female booze reps who had a tent set up, nearly pissed on himself as he was pissing straight into the wind (while directly facing the 9th green), then ended passing out/sleeping in the club house. He awoke from his stupor and played the next day

 

But I can't say I have seen him at the club since then....

Every CC in the USA.

[miamistomp]

29 minutes ago, the bishop said:

If the OP wants to know how this ends up, go read "Appointment in Samarra" by John O'Hara.

 Threw a drink in somebody's face ?

[the bishop]

33 minutes ago, miamistomp said:

 Threw a drink in somebody's face ?

Well yeah.  I was being tongue-in-cheek but that's the triggering event that lead to the protagonist's downfall in the book.  Throwing a drink in someone's face - at a country club.

So I wouldn't wish that on the OP but the reaction by the CC seems a bit excessive for the alleged crime.  Maybe he's better off.

 

Edited December 20, 2021 by the bishop

[cardoustie]

3 hours ago, DavePelz4 said:

 

If you ever need a caddie for your M/G Uncle Cardie, let me know.

I won it with the twin in 2011.  Good lord he had to take 2 holes off, next tee was gin and tonic station, he grabbed 5 and made pars for birdies coming on over the last 7 holes

 

It’s a 3 day sh_t show

[cardoustie]

We had a guy nicknamed saucer pants because he’d be so loaded (and I am not casting stones) he’d be at the bar chatting and basically have a beach ball sized urine stain on the front of his seersucker suit, no slurring but some other issues clearly

 

Myself, back in the drinking days, woke up at 5am, sitting upright on a backyard deck propped up against the side of a hot tub.

[Krt22]

3 hours ago, thezinfan said:

Every CC in the USA.

Best part of the CC experience lol

[GolfTurkey]

Dang it, reading all these comments makes me realize what a boring bunch of clubs I've been a member at!

[miamistomp]

3 hours ago, the bishop said:

Well yeah.  I was being tongue-in-cheek but that's the triggering event that lead to the protagonist's downfall in the book.  Throwing a drink in someone's face - at a country club.

So I wouldn't wish that on the OP but the reaction by the CC seems a bit excessive for the alleged crime.  Maybe he's better off.

 

 Shoulda joined this club

 

[glm]

On 12/17/2021 at 9:04 PM, mshills said:

Damn.

 

Been around clubs for a long time in several capacities. Member, guest, employee, and caddie. I’ve seen some stuff, especially when alcohol was involved. 😱
 

Something doesn’t feel right — expelling a family due to ONE incident? 🤔 Someone must have been off the chain!
 

No need to elaborate on what happened. To answer your question, depends on where you live, really. In a tight knit community where everyone knows everyone within a degree of separation you may have a problem, but in a bigger or more transient area, you are probably fine. 

I agree, I've been a member at our club for 9 years and one thing I have learned is there are clicks that think they own the place and it will not take long to find out who they are and how they will throw there weight around. My guess is someone got there nose out of joint, in other words your wife was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

[BIG STU]

1 hour ago, miamistomp said:

 Shoulda joined this club

 

Good one reminds me of my really wild drinking days--- LOL had a 53 Chevy 5 window PU with a loud big block. Drove it right up front on Myers Park CC in Charlotte driveway with clubs in the back trying to do a US Open qualifier. Oh yeah I got some looks. 

 

BTW Uncle Cardy if you are reading this Travis Tritt and myself use the same barber

[Mustard_Tiger]

This thread has so much untapped potential...  

 

 

It's the Anthony Kim of threads.

[bobfoster]

15 hours ago, displayname said:

I know everyone here is being somewhat sympathetic, but if we are to believe this was caused purely by one drunken incident, maybe you accept the punishment that was earned and work on some things. 
 

Most people have had a night where they had a little too much, but that usually doesn’t result in an issue like this. If there’s club drama and politics involved, that’s one thing. Worth appealing but that’ll still be there if you are granted an appeal. But if she really did something big enough to warrant this, I think you might have other priorities to worry about. 

 

Either way, seems like bridges have been burned and the membership won’t feel the same anyway. 

 

Not sure I fully agree. 

22 hours ago, Gsea said:

you really going thru with a hearing? Think of your kids at the pool. If you are reinstated and go back you def got some large ones. Good luck with that.

 

Not sure I fully agree. Obviously depends on the club, and how egregious the behavior was, and the mitigating circumstances - but on the whole people can be quite forgiving. 

 

Was on a Membership Committee some years back. I remember this one guy that got completely and totally hammered one night (weird, because he was one of those that would have a couple of drinks after a round, but really wasn't a drinker - every club has their "known drunks" ... he wasn't one of them). Fell down a couple times, dropped a drink. Badly insulted several members and a couple staff members. Police ultimately got called. 

 

The Committee (unsurprisingly) had some frantic phone calls that night - I personally got a couple from people in the bar demanding that he be gone or they would). A hearing was immediately arranged - the immediate thought being to get him expelled as quickly as possible. But ... it turns out he had lost one of his best friends the past week (no one knew this at the time - not something he talked about at the club). A friend that he actually fought with overseas. He was distraught, drank way more than he was used to. 

 

He not only apologized profusely and asked for forgiveness, but went further and asked us for the opportunity to personally apologize to everyone he had yelled at that night. Bottom line, we not only decided not to expel him, we did not even give him a suspension. A couple people on the Committee were visibly moved.

 

And, just as gossip about the incident had spread rapidly (no one needs to formally announce anything at a golf club - it is basically high school, everyone knows everything pretty quickly), gossip about his situation and his apologies spread just as quickly. 

 

Not only was he (and his wife) not ostracized at the club, there was mostly just compassionate understanding. In fact a few members (who hadn't even known he was a vet) went out of their way to invite him into foursomes.

 

Not saying this is the case here (we have no idea what the case here actually is), but the point is that most of the clubs I've belonged to do want standards of behavior upheld, but also understand that life is not always easy, and there is a big difference between someone that is consistently an a**hole, and someone that is temporarily going through a tough patch in life - as we all have.

 

Perhaps strange to say? But (with real exceptions) most of the golfers I've met in life are just ... nice, understanding people. 

Edited December 21, 2021 by bobfoster

[Dr.Frankenputz]

9 hours ago, Mr. Bean said:

 

This reminds me of a joke.

 

Brad was with his pals sitting in a bar and he said to the others:

- I bet 200 bucks I can go to the bar counter and pee onto the floor while the bartender watching and he will do nothing!

- No way, that can't be done! I take the bet!

 

So, Brad wanders off to the bar counter, opens his zipper and pees onto the floor, and the bartender is just watching and mildly grinning. Brad comes back to the table and collects his 200 bucks. One of the guys asks

- How did you do that??

- Well, I asked him if I could pee onto the floor if I gave him 100 bucks and he said yes, provided I clean it up. Gotta go cleaning.

 

I think the joke is closer to:

guy bets bartender $300 he can pee into a glass 10 feet away without spilling a drop. He proceeds to pee on the bar, the floor, the bartender; basically pees on everything except into that glass. 
Bartender laughs & asks the guy why he’s smiling; he just lost $300. Guy says see those guys at the booth over there: I just bet them $500 each that I could pee all over you, the floor, & your bar & not only would you not get angry but you’d be happy about it. 
(think it’s from a Tarantino movie, not sure if it’s an old joke prior to that)

[LeoLeo99]

16 minutes ago, Dr.Frankenputz said:

I think the joke is closer to:

guy bets bartender $300 he can pee into a glass 10 feet away without spilling a drop. He proceeds to pee on the bar, the floor, the bartender; basically pees on everything except into that glass. 
Bartender laughs & asks the guy why he’s smiling; he just lost $300. Guy says see those guys at the booth over there: I just bet them $500 each that I could pee all over you, the floor, & your bar & not only would you not get angry but you’d be happy about it. 
(think it’s from a Tarantino movie, not sure if it’s an old joke prior to that)

Yes, that's more like the joke.  Mr. Bean's joke might be funnier in Finnish but loses much in the translation.  

[displayname]

43 minutes ago, bobfoster said:

 

Not sure I fully agree. 

 

Not sure I fully agree. Obviously depends on the club, and how egregious the behavior was, and the mitigating circumstances - but on the whole people can be quite forgiving. 

 

Was on a Membership Committee some years back. I remember this one guy that got completely and totally hammered one night (weird, because he was one of those that would have a couple of drinks after a round, but really wasn't a drinker). Fell down a couple times, dropped a drink. Badly insulted several members and a couple staff members. Police ultimately got called. 

 

The Committee (unsurprisingly) had some frantic phone calls that night - I personally got a couple from people in the bar demanding that he be gone or they would). A hearing was immediately arranged - the immediate thought being to get him expelled as quickly as possible. But ... it turns out he had lost one of his best friends the past week (no one knew this at the time - not something he talked about at the club). A friend that he actually fought with overseas. He was distraught, drank way more than he was used to. 

 

He not only apologized profusely and asked for forgiveness, but went further and asked us for the opportunity to personally apologize to everyone he had yelled at that night. Bottom line, we not only decided not to expel him, we did not even give him a suspension. A couple people on the Committee were visibly moved.

 

And, just as gossip about the incident had spread rapidly (no one needs to formally announce anything at a golf club - it is basically high school, everyone knows everything pretty quickly), gossip about his situation and his apologies spread just as quickly. 

 

Not only was he (and his wife) not ostracized at the club, there was mostly just compassionate understanding. In fact a few members (who didn't even know he was a vet) went out of their way to invite him into foursomes.

 

Not saying this is the case here (we have no idea what the case here actually is), but the point is that most of the clubs I've belonged to do want standards of behavior upheld, but also understand that life is not always easy, and there is a big difference between someone that is consistently an a**hole, and someone that is temporarily going through a tough patch in life - as we all have.

 

Perhaps strange to say? But (with real exceptions) most of the golfers I've met in life are just ... nice, understanding people. 

The story you’ve told here shows the importance of getting the whole story. 
 

But I can’t help but notice that your story also involved a person of remorse and character quickly taking action to correct their wrong doing. And it doesn’t seem to involve seeking insights from strangers on the internet in somewhat of a panic. 
 

Hopefully the OP and his family can get it sorted quickly and get back to enjoying life. 

[bobfoster]

14 minutes ago, displayname said:

The story you’ve told here shows the importance of getting the whole story. 
 

But I can’t help but notice that your story also involved a person of remorse and character quickly taking action to correct their wrong doing. And it doesn’t seem to involve seeking insights from strangers on the internet in somewhat of a panic. 
 

Hopefully the OP and his family can get it sorted quickly and get back to enjoying life. 

Hear what you are saying, but I can actually understand the guy asking for advice on the internet. This is apparently the first club he has joined, and understanding how rules and the appeals processes work can be a bit confusing at first.

 

In fact, coming up with legitimate governance rules can be quite a trick (I've worked on writing some - gave me a headache). Not to get too down into the weeds, but a lot of private golf clubs are organized under the IRS 501(c)(7) tax designation. The non-profits most people have heard of - environmental groups, church groups, United Way, etc., etc. are 501(c)(3)s. The c7s are "social" groups. They aren't "charitable organizations", e.g., members can't take a tax deduction for membership fees. But they also don't exist to make a profit - so gross revenues are tax deductible so long as most go into supporting the facilities and services they provide. c7s are things like college fraternities, yacht clubs, thing like that. 

 

The reason I mention this is because while private clubs can write their own standards and processes for disciplining members, those processes still have to stay within the larger regulatory standards that apply to any 501(c)(7). People here that have experience serving on Boards get this - the legal and liability issues involved. Someone belonging to their first club probably doesn't.

 

So if this guy is trying to figure out both the legal, and the subjective personal side of a situation he is new to, I can easily see why he'd post his situation here. And the answers he got (I hope) helped him. This is WRX at its best. 

 

He clearly really likes his club. But there was an incident. He asked us for help about how to put it in the rearview. And so far as I can tell, a number of people here that know what they are talking about gave him some great input.

 

Personally, I hope this ends well. I'm rooting for him.

 

 

 

 

[naval2006]

Never thought WRX would go into soap opera mode with members checking on an hourly basis for updates. It all has a reminiscence of Walker Percy’s The Last Gentleman.  

[Superbrit]

4 pages and still no idea what she did

 

Worse thread ever!!

[miamistomp]

 Switching 5 woods in the casket is sure to get you kicked out

 

 

[nvr3putt]

On 12/20/2021 at 2:00 AM, Mustard_Tiger said:

 

I'm not about begging people to take my money.

 

 

 

 

Unless their name is Scotty, Mizuno, Callaway, Miura, etc

[jwb10]

  I have been on every side of this issue, except, thankfully, as the accused. I have been representing the Board, the accused, and as a juror. 2 keys from all of that. First, tell the truth. Don't quibble or try your best "Perry Mason. " Usually there are witnesses, so pretending it didn't happen , or inventing excuses means you get adjudged guilty, fast, and the punishment remains. Next, be humble and apologetic. You screwed up, there may be a real reason for that (see above) but apologize and accept that it's your fault. Real contrition, and somber introspection are key. Usually, no one wants to kick anyone out, it sucks for all. Good luck....

[Hawkeye77]

13 hours ago, bobfoster said:

Hear what you are saying, but I can actually understand the guy asking for advice on the internet. This is apparently the first club he has joined, and understanding how rules and the appeals processes work can be a bit confusing at first.

 

In fact, coming up with legitimate governance rules can be quite a trick (I've worked on writing some - gave me a headache). Not to get too down into the weeds, but a lot of private golf clubs are organized under the IRS 501(c)(7) tax designation. The non-profits most people have heard of - environmental groups, church groups, United Way, etc., etc. are 501(c)(3)s. The c7s are "social" groups. They aren't "charitable organizations", e.g., members can't take a tax deduction for membership fees. But they also don't exist to make a profit - so gross revenues are tax deductible so long as most go into supporting the facilities and services they provide. c7s are things like college fraternities, yacht clubs, thing like that. 

 

The reason I mention this is because while private clubs can write their own standards and processes for disciplining members, those processes still have to stay within the larger regulatory standards that apply to any 501(c)(7). People here that have experience serving on Boards get this - the legal and liability issues involved. Someone belonging to their first club probably doesn't.

 

So if this guy is trying to figure out both the legal, and the subjective personal side of a situation he is new to, I can easily see why he'd post his situation here. And the answers he got (I hope) helped him. This is WRX at its best. 

 

He clearly really likes his club. But there was an incident. He asked us for help about how to put it in the rearview. And so far as I can tell, a number of people here that know what they are talking about gave him some great input.

 

Personally, I hope this ends well. I'm rooting for him.

 

 

 

 

It’s wrx at its entertaining best and there have been some good anecdotes.

 

Otherwise, without identifying the incident and supplying context the OP can have no reasonable expectation for useful information. He already knows how his club is organized, the rules and bylaws, etc. Thousands of clubs out there dealing with all sorts of things - even at the same club the consequences for incidents aren’t consistent and vary with who is on the board or who someone knows on the board. The structure is rarely complicated for handling these kinds of things (but still don’t know). 

The internet isn’t really the best for solving knotty problems they require actually talking to people to solve, which is what the OP should be doing with other members if he wants to stick around. 

Edited December 21, 2021 by Hawkeye77

[straightshot7]

OP, create another username and tell us the story of what happened from the perspective of an "anonymous witness".